I proudly considered my perpetual wanting a healthy sign of a robust ambition. Until I began studying neuroscience and realized how truly unhealthy this kind of thinking actually is.
Here’s why: We literally sculpt our brain by what we dwell on. The more we think a thought or feel an emotion, the stronger that neuropathway becomes in our brain.
By constantly hungering for more, I was inadvertently telling my brain “I don’t have enough.”
Could this be you? You’ve read a ton about investing, attended some classes. You understand stocks, bonds, and the value of diversification. You own a few funds in your retirement account.
Still, you continue to ignore or neglect your money, even though you know better. Why?
Blame it on traditional financial education…where the emphasis is on filling your head with facts rather than fostering your courage to change.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been given the tools to boost Self-Efficacy, the most powerful predictor of financial well-being. (I didn’t think so.)
Those who have the most trouble thinking bigger are the ones who have to know exactly how they’re going do it. And if they can’t figure it out, they lower their sights.
I was in this category most of my life…until I interviewed six-figure women.
I learned from them a three-step plan.
The second step is where the power is. Commitment, like a magnet, attracts coincidences. I always say, once you commit to a goal, if you’re not experiencing coincidences, go back to the drawing board. You’re obviously not totally committed.
That’s the way it happened for me. In 2008, I decided to earn $125,000. When I told my now ex-husband, he burst out laughing. I did too. It sounded ridiculous coming from a chronic underearner.
I had no idea how I was going to do it. But as I learned from the women I was interviewing, I didn’t need to have a full blown plan in place.
I just needed to take advantage of synchronicities. Of course, coincidences always lay just outside our comfort zone.
Here is the real secret to success: let go of control and do what comes next, especially if you’re scared to death to do it.
What are you scared to death to do? Leave me a comment below!
There’s actually a positive side to being stuck at home. Personal savings have skyrocketed. But my guess is that when the pandemic passes, savings will plummet.
The fault may lie in our brains.
A recent study by Cornell University neuroscientists discovered that our brains are biased toward earning and against saving. Perhaps it’s the immediate gratification our paychecks offer while putting aside small amounts feels about as gratifying as watching grass grow.
“Fundamentally it comes down to this: saving is less valuable to our brains, which devote less attentional resources to it,” said the co-author Adam Anderson. “Our brains find saving more difficult to attend to.”
Yet fixating on earnings can be fool hardy. I call it the Illusion of Affluence. I see it all the time. Successful women spending too much, saving too little, plowing all profits back into their businesses or on classes for personal growth (deceptively calling it “an investment”).
Their ample earnings gives them the illusion, but not the security of true abundance. The real measure of wealth is your net worth…not what you earn but what you keep.
| I had a rough few days.
As I watch the world implode, the virus surge, the markets plunge — my doctor tells me I need cataract surgery. Anything with the eyes terrifies me. My head fills with worse case scenarios. I fall into a very dark place, unable to find my way out. Then I remember what A Course in Miracles calls “the most important concept that exists in the universe—”the Law of Cause and Effect.” The Course explains this law very differently from the world’s more generally accepted Newtonian explanation. |
Am I the only one feeling this way?
Yes, the protests—peaceful or not—have led to incredible changes. Companies are hiring more blacks. Communities are implementing radical police reforms. The shares in black-owned businesses are soaring.
But to create true and lasting equality, we must look beyond the external. To change the collective, we need to transform the individual.
I say this from experience.
I came of age during Women’s Lib. Enraged by rampant discrimination, we took to the streets, burning our bras, demanding gender equality. And lo and behold, the workplace opened its doors, albeit a crack. The banks gave us credit cards without requiring a man’s signature.
I just read that award-winning Maya Angelou, after publishing her 11th book, thought to herself: “Uh-oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody.”
Can you imagine Maya Angelo feeling like fraud!! But looking back, I think of all the courageous, confident, highly successful women I’ve interviewed who told me they still felt like a fraud long after their careers were flourishing.
Sadly, the imposter syndrome is epidemic among women, even the most successful ones. In Neuroscience, I found a possible explanation as to why. Despite their achievements, these women never rewired their old belief systems.
They didn’t prepare themselves mentally as they pushed themselves physically. Because they hadn’t changed their thoughts, their brains remained wired to see only the past.
Their low self-image hadn’t caught up with their incredible successes. Their old neuropathways still dictated their current perceptions.
The moral of this story: before you focus on changing your behavior, you must transform the causes of that behavior—your thoughts and beliefs.
What thoughts and behaviors could you begin to rewire for success? Leave me a comment below.
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That can feel scary. Indeed, uncertainty is frightening. But what if the current crises is not to be feared? What if we welcomed it as a much-needed wake-up call?
I’m reminded of a 2019 Ted Talk by Ashweetha Shetty. Though her subject was education, her words feel eerily prophetic.
“All of us are born into a reality we blindly accept,” she said, “until something awakens us and a new world opens up.”
I’m wondering if that’s what’s happening now. “Something” (Spirit. perhaps) is trying to awaken us to other possibilities—possibilities other than the reality we’ve “blindly accepted.”
What if we all used this time in isolation to imagine the new normal we’d love to create? What if we reimagine a future unlike the past?
Think about the life you crave, not the one you live. Consider the legacy you wish to leave. Allow your imagination to run wild, to dream audaciously. Make it fun, as if you’re a child playing make-believe.
Notice if your thoughts tell you it’s not practical or even plausible. Know that’s your brain defaulting to old neuropathways. Resist the urge to acquiesce.
Instead, trust this is your intended future yearning to emerge. Allow the ideas to sink into your psyche. Adopt them as your new story.
Repeat this story often (especially when tempted to tell your old one). Focus on it in meditation. Visualize it as you fall asleep.
Rest assured. This new story is not some grandiose tale told by your insecure Ego, but guidance from your loving Soul, urging you to step into your Greatness, shining your light in a world steeped in darkness.
Tell me about your new normal—the one you’d love to start living. Share in the comments below as if it’s already a reality.
*Adapted from my upcoming book: Rewire for Wealth
I’m turning to A Course in Miracles (ACIM) a lot more these days.
As many of you know, ACIM is a spiritual text that calls itself “a course in mind training,” and declares its sole purpose is “to restore awareness of the power of the mind.”
I may not be able to control the frightening unfolding of current events. But I can use the power of my mind to control how I react to them.
“The only way to make prudent decisions in a plunging market”, my favorite WSJ columnist, Jason Zweig, recently advised, “is by creating a circle of calm around yourself.”Amen to that!
How do you train your mind to “create a circle of calm?” You must understand what ACIM calls “the most important concept that exists in the universe:” The Law of Cause and Effect.
ACIM (as well as neuroscience, quantum physics and many spiritual teachings like Buddhism) explains this law very differently from the more generally accepted Newtonian version.
To the world, a cause is an external incident which produces an internal effect. The market crashes (cause) and you panic (effect). But this view is very disempowering. Blaming something or someone else for ‘making’ you unhappy or fearful turns you into a victim.
According to ACIM, nothing ‘out there’ has anything to do with you feeling happy or upset. Your thoughts are always the cause. If you want to change the effect (your experience)—greater abundance, more happiness, increased peace of mind—you must first change the cause (your thoughts).
Mind training is about far more than positive thinking. It requires you to shift the source of your feelings from the world out there and point your finger where it belongs—your own mind.
Or as ACIM puts it: “Seek not to change the world, but choose to change your mind about the world.”
When you understand how to control your thoughts, you’ll discover how much power you have to create the life you desire.
What thoughts do you need to change for greater peace of mind? Leave me a comment below.
I’m making myself crazy. I’ve been doing it for months. Ever since I decided I was ready to birth my next book. In a fit of over-zealous optimism, I gave myself till summer’s end to finish the proposal.
Well, summer is quickly coming to a close. My proposal, however, is nowhere near completion. Not even close. I’ve been beating myself up—unmercifully—for missing my goal.
I’m a big believer in setting deadlines. They’re terrific tools for staying on track. But, I’m recognizing, there’s a major downside to made-up deadlines.
The trouble comes when I don’t meet them. Rather than rethink the timing, I scold myself severely for screwing up.
Oh the absurdity of artificial deadlines! Yet, on reflection, I realize I’ve done this my whole life.
In fact, I suddenly realize, it’s actually a habit that’s been hardwired in my brain. And the very thing I’m writing my book about—3 steps to rewiring the brain—is precisely what I need to put into practice. Yes, there’s hope!!!
I’ve already begun the 1st Step: Recognize. I clearly see that chastising myself for falling short of an arbitrary deadline is unhealthy, unproductive and habitual. Sure, deadlines can be motivating. But self-flagellation is no way to foster creativity.
Now, the 2nd step, Reframe. I need to see this differently. Looking back, I realize (big sigh!) proposals always got written, projects always got completed…just not on my schedule. Instead of defying the current, what if I deferred to Divine timing? Only in hind sight can I possibly know what’s actually in my own best interest.
Finally the 3rd step, Respond Differently. I make a promise to myself. From now on, if I’m feeling stuck, if doors stay closed, if nothing flows freely and it ceases to be fun, I’m viewing these as indicators that it’s time to surrender and reassess rather than doggedly pursue a rigid decision.
The essence of my rewiring experience boils down to this: I’d rather live with the tranquility that comes from trusting a Higher Power than the stress of self-imposed pressure.
Are you still pursuing a goal that’s past its “expiration date”? Why? Leave a comment below.
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