Mind Training

Law of Attraction Not Working for You? Here’s the Missing Piece.

Is there anyone on the planet who hasn’t heard of the ‘Law of Attraction’. It’s the buzzword of the decade. I see it everywhere—books, articles, YouTube gurus—all singing its praises.

Simply put, the Law of Attraction says: you attract whatever you want into your life through your ability to feel good, think positively, and focus only on the desired outcome.

So, if you want to be rich, don’t focus on lack.

But there’s a catch:  How many people—maybe you’re one—really want wealth, focus only on abundance….and yet, their bills pile up, their savings shrink?

Why Willpower is Never Enough

There’s a lot of talk these days about money mindset. But few are aware of the brain’s role in their financial success. 

 

In a recent experiment, at the University of South Wales, students were told: “Whatever you do, don’t think about a red apple.” As you’d expect, most couldn’t get that image out of their mind. Which is quite normal.

 

But what about those who swore they’d successfully eradicated the image from their mind?

 

Well, according to brain scans, “even those people who are good at suppressing certain thoughts still harbor traces of the thought in [their brain’s] cortex.” 

Interesting Image

The Caterpillar Story

There’s a story about two caterpillars who spy a butterfly overhead. One turns to the other and says “You’ll never get me up in one of those things.”

Have you ever felt like that caterpillar?  Part of you may want to fly. But another part clearly doesn’t.

That’s precisely what’s going on whenever you feel stuck—you’re experiencing an internal conflict. Part wants to. Part doesn’t.

The trick to getting unstuck isn’t by denying or fighting your resistance. What you ignore, you empower. What you resist, persists.

I speak from experience. After my divorce, I tried hard to learn about money. I’d pick up a book, attend a class, only to fog up, glaze over, give up. Until one day, a therapist challenged me.

“I really want to get smart about money,” I told him, my voice tight with desperation.

He looked me straight in the eye and said, “No you don’t. You may say you want to get smart, but you really don’t.”

I couldn’t argue. In that moment, I met the part of me that desperately wanted to stay ignorant.  The part that was terrified of angering her parents, losing everything, and most of all, afraid no man would love a financially savvy woman.

I spent months getting to know this part—her fears, concerns, early family messages and cultural conditioning.

I also kept repeating positive statements in an effort to fortify the other part. I AM smart about money. I AM excited to learn. I AM a great role model for my kids. I AM attracting a man who loves a powerful woman.

I now realize I was literally reprogramming my brain.  Instead of dwelling on what scared me, I focused on what I wished to create, how I desired to feel…even if it seemed impossible.  As science has proven, what flows through the mind, wires the brain.

Slowly the fog lifted. I actually began enjoying the learning process, seeing results, relishing how powerful I felt. And that hasn’t changed in over 40 years.

If you aren’t getting what you say you want, what do you think you’re afraid of? Leave me a comment below.

The Subtle Art of Self -Sabotage

There’s a line in A Course in Miracles that, long ago, had a big impact on me: “What you share you strengthen.”  

It was when coach gave me an intriguing assignment that the line really came to life for me.  For 2 weeks, I was to simply observe my conversations, without changing a thing. Just notice what I talked about, the words I used, my typical reactions…you know, the stuff I was sharing with others.

What I saw was not pretty.  I was constantly putting myself down, without ever realizing it. I’d dismiss my skills (“Oh, that’s no big deal”). I’d deflect praise (“I thought I was awful”). I’d diminish my successes (“But I could’ve done so much better”).

Finding Peace in the Midst of Pain

Years ago, during a devastating crisis, I saw a quote that struck a nerve: “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” 

I felt the deep wisdom in those words. Yet I couldn’t figure out how to apply them to my life. Here I was, facing a crushing divorce from a compulsive liar, a million-dollar tax bill I couldn’t pay, and my parents refusing to help. Left alone to raise 3 young daughters, I was terrified.

Since that time, I’ve often wondered—Is it really possible to find peace in the midst of pain? The answer escaped me…

Until this week…when Katie Adler, a member of my online community, shared an article about Wabi Sabi.

Wabi Sabi, an ancient Japanese philosophy, is all about finding peace and beauty in imperfection. And it offers a simple but practical formula for experiencing pain without suffering:

“Accept what is, stay in the present moment, and appreciate the simple, transient stages of life.” 

The Myth of “More”

I have always found myself yearning for more…more money, more success, more sales, more ­­­­______ (fill in the blank).

I proudly considered this constant yearning a healthy sign of a robust ambition. Until I began studying neuroscience and realized how truly unhealthy this kind of thinking actually is.

Here’s why. We literally sculpt our brain by what we dwell on. The more we think a thought or feel an emotion, the stronger that neuropathway becomes in our brain.

By constantly hungering for more, I was inadvertently telling my brain “I don’t have enough.” 

The more I repeated that thought, the stronger the “not enough” neuropathway grew, until I’d unconsciously do things that kept reinforcing my experience of ‘not enough.’

How the Wealthy Think

F. Scott Fitzgerald once declared: “The rich are different than you and me.” To which Ernest Hemingway responded: “Yes. They have more money.”

I’d take it a step further: “But why do the rich have more money?” And my answer would be: “Because the rich think differently.”

So how do the wealthy think? The other day, I made a list of things I consistently hear successful women (and men) say. To be clear, I’m not talking about highly paid celebrities that go bankrupt, but those who sustain their wealth over a long period.

Don’t Even Try…

We all have our internal critics. The part that tell us what we can’t possibly do. Mine insists, quite convincingly: “You can’t do that! You don’t have what it takes.”

Those voices may never shut up.  But just because you hear voices in your head, doesn’t mean you have to follow them.

As Vincent Van Gogh once said: “If you hear a voice within you say ‘you can not paint,’ by all means paint and the voice will be silenced.” 

Indeed, keep reminding yourself: “that’s not my voice.” It’s the voice of a parent, the culture, teachers, friends, something ‘out there.’ But it isn’t mine.

The “D” Word

I just set my intention for 2023: Mental Discipline. That means, I’m going to consciously and rigorously make sure my thoughts are positive, uplifting, and loving (especially to myself).

I proudly shared my intention with a few friends. Their reaction was less than positive.

“That’s awfully harsh,” one said.

“Doesn’t sound appealing to me,” said another.

I wasn’t surprised. Clearly, the word ‘discipline’ tripped them up.

Problems? Show Some Gratitude!

People often ask me what were the biggest surprises I had when interviewing successful women. This is definitely one.

I never expected how many told me they were actually grateful for past tribulations.

In fact, most admitted, they might never have succeeded had they not been challenged. They considered their past problems an asset and, even more, they appreciated themselves for tackling them head on.

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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