Success | Barbara Huson

Lifting Heavier Weights

Written by Barbara Huson, The Leading Authority on Women and Wealth

Have you noticed, in gyms, when guys are lifting really heavy weights, they ask someone, often a perfect stranger, to spot them?

How many times have you seen a woman do that? Hardly ever! We’ll hire trainers. But ask another to spot us? Unthinkable.

I always thought this scenario was a perfect metaphor for how many women tend to approach life. Here’s why:

1st, we rarely lift very heavy weights.

2nd, we don’t want to bother anyone.

3rd, we’re determined to do it alone.

Yet, to achieve success, in anything, requires us to lift heavier weights. This is how we build up confidence and strength to climb to greater heights.

And we can’t do it alone. We need spotters—people we trust to have our backs, to encourage us when the going gets tough or high-five us when we finally lift that heavy weight.

Seven years ago, I shared my gym observation with a friend, Suzy Carroll, who, being the leader she is, formed a spotters group with four of us. What a remarkable experience it’s been.

Once a month, we gather after work, or lately, on the weekends, at someone’s house. Each one takes her turn, sharing what’s on her mind, be it a troublesome situation or a thrilling victory. The others offer loving support, candid feedback, often relating their own similar experiences.

Our meetings usually last about two hours. We don’t leave without setting another date when we’re all available. Not an easy task for busy women, but we’ve made it work.

It’s been incredible to witness how each of us has grown, in ways we could never have imagined at the outset. And we know, with utter certainty, we would’ve never progressed this far alone.

I heartily encourage you to form your own spotters group. I swear…it’s truly life changing.

Do you have a support group you’re part of? Tell me about it below.

Looking for support? I created my virtual community, The Wealth Connection to support women in their financial journey. Join today and hop on my Live Office Hours Call! www.husonwealthconnection.com

The Myth of the Massive Leap

Written by Barbara Huson, The Leading Authority on Women and Wealth

I recently got a message on Facebook: “I want to make a quantum leap. Tell me, Barbara, how do I do that?”

My answer: “Take lots of tiny steps.”

If her lack of response was any indication, I don’t think she liked my reply.

But the truth is, that’s precisely how quantum leaps, colossal successes, radical transformations occur…one small step at a time.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a better description of this process than a quote by one of my favorite actresses, Julianne Moore.

“You don’t start out thinking, I’m going to be a star!

You think, I hope I get an agent.

Then, I hope I get an audition.

Then, I hope I get a job.

If you think too far ahead, it’s just overwhelming.

It’s better to just keep on going, bit by bit, one foot in front of the other.”

Amen to that! The most dazzling dreams start with the most trivial activities—looking up a phone number, making an appointment, writing an email.

What small step will you make in the direction of your dreams? Leave a comment below.

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Is It Just Me? Or Are You Angry Too?

Written by Barbara Huson, The Leading Authority on Women and Wealth

Excuse me while I vent. My insides are seething with rage and frustration. I write this to make sense of it all.

My fury was fostered during the 2016 election with the alarming rise of blatant misogyny, which despite #MeToo, continues to intensify.

It’s certainly not all men. But reading the news is both infuriating and deeply painful. I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time I witness another woman being belittled, harassed, marginalized or disparaged.

As one who’s devoted my entire career to women’s liberation and empowerment, I feel inexpressibly sad. And deeply disturbed by what I see. Even Lean In author Sheryl Sandberg recently announced that women’s progress has essentially “dragged to a halt.”

And she issued a dire warning, reported in the Wall Street Journal: “We’re at a really critical moment. Women are entering the US workforce in the highest numbers in decades, but gender parity isn’t improving.”

Yes, we’re “liberated.” We’re free to work…or not. But alas (heavy sigh) we have yet to be respected, valued or treated as equals.

If, as Sheryl cautioned, this is a critical moment, what can I, what can we do?

The instant I asked that question, I heard Gandhi’s guidance. What if we, as individuals, intensify our efforts to become the change we want to see in the world?

What if we each focus on strengthening our own sense of self-respect by ceasing to belittle, marginalize, or disparage our self?

What if you and I genuinely valued all that we bring to the table, especially those gifts we take for granted? What if each of us commits to reaching our fullest potential, despite the obstacles and fears?

Is that the solution for transforming our divisive culture into one of mutual respect? I have no idea. But it’s a place to start. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this issue. Leave me a comment below.

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Are You Really Playing Full Out?

Written by Barbara Huson, The Leading Authority on Women and Wealth

In work, as in life, there are only 2 games you can play:

The Underearning Game (Not to Lose)
The High Earning Game (To Win)

Which one are you playing? (Be honest, now!)

The goal of the Underearning Game is Not to Lose, which means you must focus on playing it safe, looking good and staying comfortable, avoiding anything that could possibly be scary, awkward, embarrassing or (gasp!) lead to failure.

The goal of the High Earning Game is To Win by going as far as you can with all that you’ve got. And when you fall down, you get back up and keep going. Which means, despite your fear, you keep playing full out.

Problem is, it can be tough to tell which game you’re playing. There are times when I swear I’m giving my all, but later it hits me. I was fooling myself by holding back (even just a tiny bit means I’m playing it safe).

So, I devised the following list to help assess if you’re really playing to win.

5 Signs I’m Playing Full Out (check what applies to you).

I know what I want and am committed to getting it. (And if I don’t know, I devote time and energy to figuring it out).
I’m so focused on my vision that I don’t get distracted (at least not for long) by irrelevant, draining, or conflicting tasks.
I’m willing to experience whatever it takes—defeat, discomfort, even humiliation—to achieve what I want.
I don’t say ‘yes’ when I really want to say ‘no,’ even if it means upsetting another.
Every time I’m afraid to do something, I force myself to do it anyway. (And I catch myself when I justify not doing it.)

I’d love to hear: How many did you check? Is there anything you’d add to this list? Leave a comment below.

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I Know What To Do! So Why Don’t I??

Written by Barbara Huson, The Leading Authority on Women and Wealth

Could this be you? You’ve read volumes on investing, even attended some classes. You understand stocks, bonds, and the value of diversification. You own a few funds in your retirement account.

Still, you continue to ignore or neglect your money, even though you know better. Why?

Blame it on traditional financial education…where the emphasis is on filling your head with facts rather than fostering your courage to change.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been given the tools to boost Self-Efficacy, the most powerful predictor of financial well-being. (I didn’t think so)

Self-Efficacy—a concept developed by the Stanford psychologist Albert Bandura—is a person’s belief in their ability to succeed in a given task or goal.

If you don’t believe you can invest wisely without screwing up irreparably, you likely won’t even try. Or you’ll stop at the first stumbling block. Or worse, unconsciously make bad choices that reaffirms your limiting belief.

Enhancing financial Self-Efficacy is the secret sauce for financial success. It’s the difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it, between being competent and feeling confident.

Yet, I doubt you’ll be shown how to shore up Self-Efficacy by most professional advisors. But thanks to Dr. Bandura’s research, here are 4 powerful techniques to do just that:

Experience Success—Select a task that’s sufficiently challenging but definitely doable. Have that money talk with your spouse. Organize your financial documents. Balance your checkbook. As the saying goes, “confidence is a memory of success.”
Find Role Models—Observe friends, family, even perfect strangers who are financially savvy. Watching others successfully complete financial tasks provides not only inspiration, but a template to follow.
Get Encouragement—Hang around with people who will cheer you on because they truly believe in you. Those who say, “I know you can do it!” Stay away from naysayers.
Manage Emotions—if you’re depressed, traumatized or anxious, the inner work is crucial. Read self-help books. Find a counselor. Join a support group. Talk to a friend. Whatever it takes to relieve your pain, stress, worry and fear.

What can you do today to increase your Financial Self-Efficacy?

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The Compulsion to Compare

Written by Barbara Huson, The Leading Authority on Women and Wealth

Every time you log into Facebook, you risk falling prey to a debilitating disorder. I call it The Compulsion to Compare—judging yourself against others successes and coming up painfully short.

Lord knows, it happens to me. A lot! To keep from spiraling into self-recrimination, I repeat a rhyme my grandpa taught me long ago:

If every man’s eternal care

Were written on his brow,

How many would our pity share

That hold our envy now?

Those words remind me that virtually everyone struggles with their own ‘internal cares.’

But what distinguishes the Successful is that they don’t let their fear, worry, self-doubt or whatever burdens they bear stop them…at least not for long.

They feel the fear, suffer the distractions but stay the course. And when they fall down, as they always do, they get back up and keep going. The truth is, Greatness can only be achieved by transcending your inner turmoil.

I’d love to know: Have you ever struggled with The Compulsion to Compare?

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How to Know if You’re Really Committed

Written by Barbara Huson, The Leading Authority on Women and Wealth

I have a theory. Each of us has a Patron Saint of Risk. Every time you dare do something different—make more money, write a book, start a business—this benevolent cosmic being sends a flock of angels (disguised as negative people) to tell you what a dumb idea it is.

These folks serve a very important function. They come to test your level of commitment. If you notice, the more tentative you feel, the more pessimistic they sound.

If they succeed in discouraging you, be grateful. Deep down, you just didn’t have enough moxie to make your idea work. If on the other hand, you are determined to succeed despite all the naysayers, you most likely will.

Face it. Without commitment, you can’t possibly succeed. But once you commit fully, you can’t possibly fail.

Commitment is what keeps you going despite rejection, disappointment or failure.In fact, to someone committed, failure doesn’t exist. It’s simply one more thing that didn’t work.

What’s frustrating however, is when you vow to accomplish something but to no avail. Projects fall apart. People renege on promises. Opportunities dry up. Your enthusiasm wanes. What then?

This may be a sign you’re on the wrong track. When you’re attempting something at odds with your authentic desires, your resolve will fizzle at the first hurdle.

A few years back, I was determined to learn to ride a motorcycle. My husband, a Harley fanatic, has two in our garage. Wouldn’t it be cool if I could ride alongside him? But the moment I took a tumble on the first day of motorcycle class, that was it. Clearly I wasn’t committed. I’d be just as happy on the back of hubby’s bike.

When you find yourself perpetually thwarted with a project you’ve tackled, here’s my advice. Instead of beating yourself up or struggling mightily to make it work, step back and dig deeper. Is this something I want so badly that I’m willing to fall down repeatedly until I finally succeed? Is this my soul’s yearning or simply an arbitrary ‘should’ I put on myself?

As D.H. Lawrence once suggested: “If it doesn’t absorb you, if it isn’t fun, don’t do it!”Amen to that!

What clues do you look for to determine if what you say you want to do is really an authentic desire? Leave a comment below.

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Humility or Self-Sabotage?

Written by Barbara Huson, The Leading Authority on Women and Wealth

Decades ago, a coach gave me a powerful assignment. It’s something I’ll never forget.

For 2 weeks, I was to simply observe my conversations, without changing a thing. Just notice what I talked about, the words I used, my typical reactions…you know, the stuff I was sharing with others.

What I saw was not pretty.

I had a habit of putting myself down…without even realizing it. I’d constantly dismiss my skills (“Oh, that’s no big thing”), deflect praise (“I thought I was awful”), and diminish my successes (“But I could’ve done so much better”).

What felt like humility was, in truth, an act of self-sabotage. Every word of self -depreciation put another dent in my self-esteem.

“What you share you strengthen,” explains A Course in Miracles. I was strengthening my self-doubt while crushing my confidence. No wonder I was struggling.

What about you? Could you be minimizing your achievements, underestimating your value, chipping away at your sense of worth? I invite you to find out.

Spend a few weeks simply noticing what you talk about. Then ask yourself this question: Could I be undermining my success by what I’m sharing with others?

Leave me a comment below to tell me what you observed.

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My Personal Experience in Rewiring

Written by Barbara Huson, The Leading Authority on Women and Wealth

I’m making myself crazy. I’ve been doing it for months. Ever since I decided I was ready to birth my next book. In a fit of over-zealous optimism, I gave myself till summer’s end to finish the proposal.

Well, summer is quickly coming to a close. My proposal, however, is nowhere near completion. Not even close. I’ve been beating myself up—unmercifully—for missing my goal.

I’m a big believer in setting deadlines. They’re terrific tools for staying on track. But, I’m recognizing, there’s a major downside to made-up deadlines.

The trouble comes when I don’t meet them. Rather than rethink the timing, I scold myself severely for screwing up.

Oh the absurdity of artificial deadlines! Yet, on reflection, I realize I’ve done this my whole life.

In fact, I suddenly realize, it’s actually a habit that’s been hardwired in my brain. And the very thing I’m writing my book about—3 steps to rewiring the brain—is precisely what I need to put into practice. Yes, there’s hope!!!

I’ve already begun the 1st Step: Recognize. I clearly see that chastising myself for falling short of an arbitrary deadline is unhealthy, unproductive and habitual. Sure, deadlines can be motivating. But self-flagellation is no way to foster creativity.

Now, the 2nd step, Reframe. I need to see this differently. Looking back, I realize (big sigh!) proposals always got written, projects always got completed…just not on my schedule. Instead of defying the current, what if I deferred to Divine timing? Only in hind sight can I possibly know what’s actually in my own best interest.

Finally the 3rd step, Respond Differently. I make a promise to myself. From now on, if I’m feeling stuck, if doors stay closed, if nothing flows freely and it ceases to be fun, I’m viewing these as indicators that it’s time to surrender and reassess rather than doggedly pursue a rigid decision.

The essence of my rewiring experience boils down to this: I’d rather live with the tranquility that comes from trusting a Higher Power than the stress of self-imposed pressure.

Are you still pursuing a goal that’s past its “expiration date”? Why? Leave a comment below.

Going through the reWIRE process can be challenging. Let me mentor you in my 5-month personal Mentorship and group coaching program, reWIRE Mentorship. Learn more here.

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Why You Probably Suck at Receiving

Written by Barbara Huson, The Leading Authority on Women and Wealth

Consider this. There’s a direct correlation between your ability to receive and your level of financial success.

The problem, however—most of us suck at receiving.

Think about it. How often do you gloss over praise, deflect admiration, deny an achievement or respond with self-criticism?

Receiving is to your Soul what eating is to your body—a source of strength, nourishment, and growth. When you fail to receive, you’re literally starving your Soul.

But here’s where it gets tricky. Many gifts come camouflaged and are easily overlooked. To receive fully you must suspend judgment. Nothing that happens is ‘good’ or ‘bad, ’right’ or ‘wrong,’ ‘negative’ or ‘positive.’

Everything, absolutely everything, no matter how it feels, is a gift, a message, a lesson, a form of divine communication.

This, of course, is counterintuitive. It’s easy to receive a compliment from a friend, but a reprimand from your boss? That too can be a gift when you mine it for its deeper meaning.

To quote a Zen saying, the obstacle is the path. “So that like oxygen to a fire,” writes author Robert Greene, “obstacles and adversity become fuel for your potential.”

To receive fully means this: Every frustration, disappointment or even failure is, in truth, a source of guidance, support, and strength building…a gift, that if fully received, will increase your success exponentially.

I’d love to hear your experiences of how past disappointments turned out to be gifts in disguise. Share your story in the comments below.

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Lifting Heavier Weights

The Myth of the Massive Leap

Is It Just Me? Or Are You Angry Too?

Are You Really Playing Full Out?

I Know What To Do! So Why Don’t I??

The Compulsion to Compare

How to Know if You’re Really Committed

Humility or Self-Sabotage?

My Personal Experience in Rewiring

Why You Probably Suck at Receiving

Meet Barbara Huson

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