Success
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Are You Really Playing Full Out?

Written by Barbara Huson

In work, as in life, there are only 2 games you can play: 

  • The Underearning Game (Not to Lose)
  • The High Earning Game (To Win)

Which one are you playing? (Be honest, now!)

The goal of the Underearning Game is Not to Lose, which means you must focus on playing it safe, looking good and staying comfortable, avoiding anything that could possibly be scary, awkward, embarrassing or (gasp!) lead to failure.

The goal of the High Earning Game is To Win by going as far as you can with all that you’ve got.  And when you fall down, you get back up and keep going. Which means, despite your fear, you keep playing full out. 

Problem is, it can be tough to tell which game you’re playing. There are times when I swear I’m giving my all, but later it hits me.  I was fooling myself by holding back (even just a tiny bit means I’m playing it safe).

So, I devised the following list to help assess if you’re really playing to win.

5 Signs I’m Playing Full Out (check what applies to you).

  1. I know what I want and am committed to getting it. (And if I don’t know, I devote time and energy to figuring it out).
  2. I’m so focused on my vision that I don’t get distracted (at least not for long) by irrelevant, draining, or conflicting tasks.
  3. I’m willing to experience whatever it takes—defeat, discomfort, even humiliation—to achieve what I want.
  4. I don’t say ‘yes’ when I really want to say ‘no,’ even if it means upsetting another.
  5. Every time I’m afraid to do something, I force myself to do it anyway. (And I catch myself when I justify not doing it.)

I’d love to hear: How many did you check?  Is there anything you’d add to this list? Leave a comment below.

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I Know What To Do! So Why Don’t I??

Written by Barbara Huson

Could this be you? You’ve read volumes on investing, even attended some classes. You understand stocks, bonds, and the value of diversification. You own a few funds in your retirement account.

Still, you continue to ignore or neglect your money, even though you know better. Why?

Blame it on traditional financial education…where the emphasis is on filling your head with facts rather than fostering your courage to change.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been given the tools to boost Self-Efficacy, the most powerful predictor of financial well-being. (I didn’t think so)

Self-Efficacy—a concept developed by the Stanford psychologist Albert Bandura—is a person’s belief in their ability to succeed in a given task or goal.

If you don’t believe you can invest wisely without screwing up irreparably, you likely won’t even try. Or you’ll stop at the first stumbling block. Or worse, unconsciously make bad choices that reaffirms your limiting belief.

Enhancing financial Self-Efficacy is the secret sauce for financial success. It’s the difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it, between being competent and feeling confident.

Yet, I doubt you’ll be shown how to shore up Self-Efficacy by most professional advisors. But thanks to Dr. Bandura’s research, here are 4 powerful techniques to do just that:

  1. Experience Success—Select a task that’s sufficiently challenging but definitely doable. Have that money talk with your spouse. Organize your financial documents. Balance your checkbook. As the saying goes, “confidence is a memory of success.”
  2. Find Role Models—Observe friends, family, even perfect strangers who are financially savvy. Watching others successfully complete financial tasks provides not only inspiration, but a template to follow.
  3. Get Encouragement—Hang around with people who will cheer you on because they truly believe in you. Those who say, “I know you can do it!” Stay away from naysayers.
  4. Manage Emotions—if you’re depressed, traumatized or anxious, the inner work is crucial. Read self-help books. Find a counselor. Join a support group. Talk to a friend. Whatever it takes to relieve your pain, stress, worry and fear.

What can you do today to increase your Financial Self-Efficacy?

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The Compulsion to Compare

Written by Barbara Huson

Every time you log into Facebook, you risk falling prey to a debilitating disorder. I call it The Compulsion to Compare—judging yourself against others successes and coming up painfully short.

Lord knows, it happens to me. A lot! To keep from spiraling into self-recrimination, I repeat a rhyme my grandpa taught me long ago:

If every man’s eternal care

Were written on his brow,

How many would our pity share

That hold our envy now?

Those words remind me that virtually everyone struggles with their own ‘internal cares.’

But what distinguishes the Successful is that they don’t let their fear, worry, self-doubt or whatever burdens they bear stop them…at least not for long.

They feel the fear, suffer the distractions but stay the course. And when they fall down, as they always do, they get back up and keep going. The truth is, Greatness can only be achieved by transcending your inner turmoil.

I’d love to know: Have you ever struggled with The Compulsion to Compare?

If you enjoyed this Words of Wealth, click here to receive a copy in your inbox every week.

 

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How to Know if You’re Really Committed

Written by Barbara Huson

I have a theory.  Each of us has a Patron Saint of Risk. Every time you dare do something different—make more money, write a book, start a business—this benevolent cosmic being sends a flock of angels (disguised as negative people) to tell you what a dumb idea it is. 

These folks serve a very important function. They come to test your level of commitment. If you notice, the more tentative you feel, the more pessimistic they sound.

If they succeed in discouraging you, be grateful. Deep down, you just didn’t have enough moxie to make your idea work. If on the other hand, you are determined to succeed despite all the naysayers, you most likely will.

Face it. Without commitment, you can’t possibly succeed. But once you commit fully, you can’t possibly fail.

Commitment is what keeps you going despite rejection, disappointment or failure.In fact, to someone committed, failure doesn’t exist. It’s simply one more thing that didn’t work.

What’s frustrating however, is when you vow to accomplish something but to no avail. Projects fall apart. People renege on promises. Opportunities dry up. Your enthusiasm wanes. What then?

This may be a sign you’re on the wrong track. When you’re attempting something at odds with your authentic desires, your resolve will fizzle at the first hurdle. 

A few years back, I was determined to learn to ride a motorcycle. My husband, a Harley fanatic, has two in our garage. Wouldn’t it be cool if I could ride alongside him?  But the moment I took a tumble on the first day of motorcycle class, that was it. Clearly I wasn’t committed.  I’d be just as happy on the back of hubby’s bike.

When you find yourself perpetually thwarted with a project you’ve tackled, here’s my advice. Instead of beating yourself up or struggling mightily to make it work, step back and dig deeper. Is this something I want so badly that I’m willing to fall down repeatedly until I finally succeed? Is this my soul’s yearning or simply an arbitrary ‘should’ I put on myself? 

As D.H. Lawrence once suggested: “If it doesn’t absorb you, if it isn’t fun, don’t do it!”Amen to that!

What clues do you look for to determine if what you say you want to do is really an authentic desire? Leave a comment below.

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Humility or Self-Sabotage?

Written by Barbara Huson

Decades ago, a coach gave me a powerful assignment.  It’s something I’ll never forget.

For 2 weeks, I was to simply observe my conversations, without changing a thing. Just notice what I talked about, the words I used, my typical reactions…you know, the stuff I was sharing with others.

What I saw was not pretty.

I had a habit of putting myself down…without even realizing it. I’d constantly dismiss my skills (“Oh, that’s no big thing”), deflect praise (“I thought I was awful”), and diminish my successes (“But I could’ve done so much better”).

What felt like humility was, in truth, an act of self-sabotage. Every word of self -depreciation put another dent in my self-esteem.

 “What you share you strengthen,” explains A Course in Miracles. I was strengthening my self-doubt while crushing my confidence.  No wonder I was struggling.

What about you? Could you be minimizing your achievements, underestimating your value, chipping away at your sense of worth?   I invite you to find out.

Spend a few weeks simply noticing what you talk about. Then ask yourself this question: Could I be undermining my success by what I’m sharing with others?

Leave me a comment below to tell me what you observed.

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A Lesson in ReWIRING

Written by Barbara Huson

I have always found myself yearning for more…more money, more success, more sales, more ­­­­______ (fill in the blank).

I proudly considered this constant yearning a healthy sign of a robust ambition—until I began studying neuroscience. Then I realized how truly unhealthy this kind of thinking actually is.

Here’s why. We literally sculpt our brain by what we dwell on. The more we think a thought or feel an emotion, the stronger that neuropathway becomes in our brain.

By constantly hungering for more, I was inadvertently telling my brain “I don’t have enough.”

The more I repeated that thought, the stronger the “not enough” neuropathway grew, until I’d unconsciously do things that kept reinforcing my experience of “not enough”.

Slowly it dawned on me. How can I expect more, if I repeatedly focus on what I had not yet attained?

Clearly, I needed to shift my focus to rewire my brain. So I decided to experiment. Every time I felt myself coveting anything, I stopped, took note and shifted into appreciation for what I currently had.

More money? I took a peek at my bank account, and gave thanks for the amount presently there. More success? I gratefully reviewed what I’d achieved up to now. The moment the thought creeps in, “but it’s not where I want to be…” I stop and refocus on how far I’ve come.

I invite you to join me. What if you shifted to gratitude for what you already have, rather than gazing into the future, longing for more? 

I’m not asking you to give up your desires.  But I am suggesting that you view your desires through the appreciative lens of how they’ve been at least partially fulfilled.

Then watch what happens. If your experience is like mine, you’re in for a few miracles!

Leave a comment below to let me know if practicing gratitude for what you already have creates miracles in your life.

Interested in learning more about reWIRING your brain? Click here for details on my 5-month reWIRE Mentorship group.

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The Inner Work of Wealth

Written by Barbara Huson

I was newly divorced, raising 3 daughters, when I got tax bills for over $1m. My ex was responsible, but he left the country…leaving me with very little in the bank.  My father refused to lend me the money. I was angry & terrified, but had no choice. I had to get smart about money. 

I tried going to classes, reading books, but nothing made sense. I felt immobilized. Nowhere in those books or classes could I find a solution for my paralysis.

So I took matters in my own hands. I stopped focusing on the practical mechanics of money and started plumbing the deepest recesses of my psyche. Writing in my journal proved profoundly revealing. But most of all, it was freeing.

I became aware of a familiar voice that kept telling me how stupid I was. Instead of ignoring it, letting it hold sway, as I usually did, I began a dialogue with that voice, asking it where it came from and what it wanted.

I remembered my father telling me, often and in no uncertain terms, that managing money was a man’s job. So of course, I was terrified that if I tried to take charge, I’d botch things up badly. I’d make mistakes, blow it all.

My inability to understand money was actually an act of self-protection.

 “If we seek something we’re afraid of, attainment of it won’t be what you really want,” A Course in Miracles warned me.

Deep down I didn’t want to get smart. I didn’t want to take charge. I did not want to risk losing everything.

But once I understood my unconscious assumption (women are incapable of managing money) and its source (my father), I was able to discredit it. My paralysis disappeared. Learning about finances actually came quite easily.

The financial industry eschews the Inner Work of Wealth as “touchy feely.”   But I’m here to tell you, financial success doesn’t come from what you do as much as it comes from how you think. 

Or as author Clark Moustakas put it “When a person acts without knowledge of what (she) thinks, feels, needs or wants, (she) does not yet have the option of choosing to act differently.” 

Until I was aware of my false beliefs, I was virtually unable to act differently.

What false beliefs about money are holding you back? Leave me a comment below.

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Fear is Good! Really!!!

Written by Barbara Huson

Inspired by those “Life is Good” t-shirts, I am launching a new campaign. And I invite you to join me. I’m calling it: Fear is Good. 

As I see it, Fear has gotten a bum rap and a bad rep.  Maybe it’s leftover from our Neanderthal heritage, when hungry predators were a constant threat.

But times have changed. And so has Fear’s function.  

Problem is, few of us have figured that out.  We feel the Fear, and instantly take flight. We don’t realize that, in modern times, fear is rarely a sign that our survival is being threatened.   

Nowadays, the only survival being threatened is usually our egos. Fear has a new purpose—to warn us of approaching Greatness.

And as I’m discovering, we’re as afraid of our Greatness as our ancestors were of carnivorous beasts…maybe more.

So, I’m on a crusade to change that.  Let it be known…Fear is the clearest signal we will get that we’re on the precipice of greater success, greater prosperity, greater happiness, greater impact.

Imagine if you finally realized that Fear is nothing to fear. As for my Fear is Good campaign, there’s only one requirement to become a member.

Every time you get scared, you shout, at the top of your lungs: “I go where I fear!”  And off you go…in the direction of your fear, in the direction of your Greatness.

Fear is Good!  Can I sign you up? Leave me a comment below.

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What do Dollars & Donuts Have in Common?

Written by Barbara Huson

I’ve long noticed an interesting fact. Women who have problems with money often have problems with food.

Then I read Geneen Roth’s extraordinary book, Women, Food and God, a New York Time’s bestseller. I’ve never met Geneen personally. But I instantly knew she was a kindred spirit.  

Geneen insists that food is never the problem. Just as I’ve always known problems with money are never about money. 

Rather, says Geneen, overeating is “a doorway to your true nature,” echoing my conviction that financial problems are a doorway to your true power.  

Her book is based on her own unhealthy relationship with food and her experience teaching others what she learned during her weekend retreats.  

Just like my book, Sacred Success, is based on overcoming my own devastating dealings with money and helping others do the same.

Her method of healing women’s relationship with food, similar to mine, mixes a hefty dose of spirituality with emotional transparency and practical actions.  

The key to success is not to focus on dieting…or budgeting.

Instead, success comes from combining self-awareness exercises with specific practices to heal the deep-seated wounds that lead to compulsive behaviors, like chronic busyness, over eating, binge spending. 

In fact, my favorite quote of all time came from Geneen: “The only people who don’t have insane relationships with money are those who were willing to examine their insane relationship with money.” 

Gosh, I wish I’d said that!

Have you thought about what you’re trying to fill up with compulsive behaviors—whether with food or money issues? Leave a comment below.

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The Magical Power of Letting Go

Written by Barbara Huson

A long ago memory came to mind today. I was living in Kansas City, raising two little girls, running a thriving career counseling firm. Business was hopping, but I wasn’t happy.  I was longing to live near water and write.

Huh??? I’d never written anything. And there was no water in KC (at least none that I’d want to live near!).  Why would I give up a flourishing business, uproot my kids, leave behind a network of friends and reliable babysitters?

That’s when I stumbled on a quote by Carl Jung: “For better to come, good must stand aside.” 

I grabbed onto those words as if they were gospel.  Was it time for me to give up ‘good’? Was ‘better’ really out there…waiting?  It was a risk I was willing to take.

Seven books later and still living on water, I have enormous respect for the power of Letting Go.  And the scarier it is to release, the more magical the results.  

The moment I decided to give up my business, someone on my staff offered to buy it.  Within 6 months I was living on the side of a hill, outside San Francisco, overlooking water.

Then, out of the blue, a national magazine asked me to write a monthly career column. And they paid me!!! I was officially a writer.

Is there something ‘good’ you may need to let go of for ‘better’ to come? Think about it and leave a comment below.

If you enjoyed this Words of Wealth, click here to receive a copy in your inbox every week.

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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