An Exercise for Rewiring Your Brain

Written by Barbara Huson

Last week, I heard from a client who was close to tears. Her husband’s business unexpectedly went belly up. Suddenly, they had no income. She was forced to get a higher paying job.

“Do you think this crisis has anything to do with my decision to make more money and my lack of action?” she asked.

Obviously, it was a rhetorical question.

I see this pattern all the time. Women who avoid money—making it or managing it—until a crisis hits. Either their world falls apart or feels like it’s about to. That’s when they finally take action.

I did it myself. I waited until a million dollar tax bill almost wiped me out. Not smart!!

How about you? Are you avoiding financial stuff until the pain gets worse than the fear? Are you looking for a way to get moving without having your world violently (or even mildly) shaken?

If so, try this exercise. It’s called Selective Attention,a powerful tool for rewiring your brain. Focus on what inspires you and stop dwelling on what scares you. It’s a fact: What flows through your mind wires your brain…which governs your behavior.

To change what you do, first change what you think.

Instead of obsessing on all the things that can go wrong, try turning your thoughts to what more money will give you. Think about the freedom, the peace of mind, the myriad of choices financial success makes possible. Think about giving your money to causes you feel passionate about,helping your kids, your parents, people you love.

That’s what I finally did. I started thinking about what kind of a role model I wanted to be for my daughters instead of fixating on my terror of screwing up. When I made that deliberate shift, when I forced myself to think about how I would be helping my girls, I had no choice…financial avoidance was no longer an option! I’d love to hear other ideas for getting unstuck. What worked for you? Leave me a comment below.

My gift to you…get my free pdf 12 Tips for Building Wealth During the Holidays. Download Now!

Lifting Heavier Weights

Written by Barbara Huson

Have you noticed, in gyms, when guys are lifting really heavy weights, they ask someone, often a perfect stranger, to spot them?

How many times have you seen a woman do that? Hardly ever! We’ll hire trainers. But ask another to spot us? Unthinkable.

I always thought this scenario was a perfect metaphor for how many women tend to approach life. Here’s why:

1st, we rarely lift very heavy weights.

2nd, we don’t want to bother anyone.

3rd, we’re determined to do it alone.

Yet, to achieve success, in anything, requires us to lift heavier weights. This is how we build up confidence and strength to climb to greater heights.

And we can’t do it alone. We need spotters—people we trust to have our backs, to encourage us when the going gets tough or high-five us when we finally lift that heavy weight.

Seven years ago, I shared my gym observation with a friend, Suzy Carroll, who, being the leader she is, formed a spotters group with four of us. What a remarkable experience it’s been.

Once a month, we gather after work, or lately, on the weekends, at someone’s house. Each one takes her turn, sharing what’s on her mind, be it a troublesome situation or a thrilling victory. The others offer loving support, candid feedback, often relating their own similar experiences.

Our meetings usually last about two hours. We don’t leave without setting another date when we’re all available. Not an easy task for busy women, but we’ve made it work.

It’s been incredible to witness how each of us has grown, in ways we could never have imagined at the outset. And we know, with utter certainty, we would’ve never progressed this far alone.

I heartily encourage you to form your own spotters group. I swear…it’s truly life changing.

Do you have a support group you’re part of? Tell me about it below.

Looking for support? I created my virtual community, The Wealth Connection to support women in their financial journey. Join today and hop on my Live Office Hours Call! www.husonwealthconnection.com

The Prayer of Self-Acceptance

Written by Barbara Huson

Today’s Words of Wealth are dedicated to all of us (yes, me included) who would never treat a friend the way we treat ourselves…who have no idea what self-love actually looks like…who are painfully searching for, but never finding, self-acceptance.

I share with you “The Other Serenity Prayer*:

God, grant me the serenity to stop beating myself up for not doing things perfectly, the courage to forgive myself because I am working on doing better, and the wisdom to know that You already love me just the way I am. ~~Eleanor Brownn

*Thank you Joan Goldberg for sharing this with me! Please feel free to share this with others.

How do you show yourself love? Leave a comment below.

I’d love to share one way to show yourself self-love. Join me and an amazing group of women in my virtual community, The Wealth Connection.Learn More!

The Myth of the Massive Leap

Written by Barbara Huson

I recently got a message on Facebook: “I want to make a quantum leap. Tell me, Barbara, how do I do that?”

My answer: “Take lots of tiny steps.”

If her lack of response was any indication, I don’t think she liked my reply.

But the truth is, that’s precisely how quantum leaps, colossal successes, radical transformations occur…one small step at a time.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a better description of this process than a quote by one of my favorite actresses, Julianne Moore.

“You don’t start out thinking, I’m going to be a star!

You think, I hope I get an agent.

Then, I hope I get an audition.

Then, I hope I get a job.

If you think too far ahead, it’s just overwhelming.

It’s better to just keep on going, bit by bit, one foot in front of the other.”

Amen to that! The most dazzling dreams start with the most trivial activities—looking up a phone number, making an appointment, writing an email.

What small step will you make in the direction of your dreams? Leave a comment below.

Want to learn how to go From Consumer to Wealth Builder…even during the holidays? Join me November 13th for a FREE call. Register here!

Is It Just Me? Or Are You Angry Too?

Written by Barbara Huson

Excuse me while I vent. My insides are seething with rage and frustration. I write this to make sense of it all.

My fury was fostered during the 2016 election with the alarming rise of blatant misogyny, which despite #MeToo, continues to intensify.

It’s certainly not all men. But reading the news is both infuriating and deeply painful. I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time I witness another woman being belittled, harassed, marginalized or disparaged.

As one who’s devoted my entire career to women’s liberation and empowerment, I feel inexpressibly sad. And deeply disturbed by what I see. Even Lean In author Sheryl Sandberg recently announced that women’s progress has essentially “dragged to a halt.”

And she issued a dire warning, reported in the Wall Street Journal: “We’re at a really critical moment. Women are entering the US workforce in the highest numbers in decades, but gender parity isn’t improving.”

Yes, we’re “liberated.” We’re free to work…or not. But alas (heavy sigh) we have yet to be respected, valued or treated as equals.

If, as Sheryl cautioned, this is a critical moment, what can I, what can we do?

The instant I asked that question, I heard Gandhi’s guidance. What if we, as individuals, intensify our efforts to become the change we want to see in the world?

What if we each focus on strengthening our own sense of self-respect by ceasing to belittle, marginalize, or disparage our self?

What if you and I genuinely valued all that we bring to the table, especially those gifts we take for granted? What if each of us commits to reaching our fullest potential, despite the obstacles and fears?

Is that the solution for transforming our divisive culture into one of mutual respect? I have no idea. But it’s a place to start. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this issue. Leave me a comment below.

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My Personal Story with Plunging Stocks (It’s Not Pretty)

Written by Barbara Huson

The stock market took quite a tumble last week. I instantly flashed back to October, 1986, the first time I invested on my own. My broker would send me all these reports and statements, which I didn’t understand, so naturally, I threw them away.

A year later, October 1987, the market crashed…big time! I freaked out, called my broker, insisted he sell everything. He begged me not to.

“The market will go back up,’ he said, “It always does.”

Of course, I didn’t listen. I wanted my money in cash, where it was ‘safe.’ Sure enough, within days, the market rocketed back up. If I stayed put, I’d be a lot richer now. But I learned my lesson.

Fast forward, 10 years later. October, 1997. My book—Prince Charming Isn’t Coming—had been published. I knew a hell of a lot more about investing. The market crashes again almost to the day.

This time, I’m on the phone, first thing in the morning, calling Schwab. My now 2nd ex-husband was upstairs, pacing the floor. He got very nervous when stocks fell. My teenage daughter comes downstairs, sees me on the phone, asks me what I’m doing.

“I’m buying stock” I tell her.

“But Mom,“ she says, “The market’s crashing.”

“No, Anna” I say. ”It’s a sale!”

I had learned my lesson: Price swings only matters when you sell. Everything else is just ‘noise.’ You know, the sound of the market doing what markets are supposed to do… up, down, up, down, boing, boing, boing.

I finally understood that eventually the market would go back up. I didn’t know when, but I knew it would. It’s called the Rule of the Roller Coaster: You only get hurt when you jump off.

Has recent market action caused you to panic..or add to your portfolio? Leave me a comment below.

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Are You Really Playing Full Out?

Written by Barbara Huson

In work, as in life, there are only 2 games you can play:

The Underearning Game (Not to Lose)
The High Earning Game (To Win)

Which one are you playing? (Be honest, now!)

The goal of the Underearning Game is Not to Lose, which means you must focus on playing it safe, looking good and staying comfortable, avoiding anything that could possibly be scary, awkward, embarrassing or (gasp!) lead to failure.

The goal of the High Earning Game is To Win by going as far as you can with all that you’ve got. And when you fall down, you get back up and keep going. Which means, despite your fear, you keep playing full out.

Problem is, it can be tough to tell which game you’re playing. There are times when I swear I’m giving my all, but later it hits me. I was fooling myself by holding back (even just a tiny bit means I’m playing it safe).

So, I devised the following list to help assess if you’re really playing to win.

5 Signs I’m Playing Full Out (check what applies to you).

I know what I want and am committed to getting it. (And if I don’t know, I devote time and energy to figuring it out).
I’m so focused on my vision that I don’t get distracted (at least not for long) by irrelevant, draining, or conflicting tasks.
I’m willing to experience whatever it takes—defeat, discomfort, even humiliation—to achieve what I want.
I don’t say ‘yes’ when I really want to say ‘no,’ even if it means upsetting another.
Every time I’m afraid to do something, I force myself to do it anyway. (And I catch myself when I justify not doing it.)

I’d love to hear: How many did you check? Is there anything you’d add to this list? Leave a comment below.

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I Know What To Do! So Why Don’t I??

Written by Barbara Huson

Could this be you? You’ve read volumes on investing, even attended some classes. You understand stocks, bonds, and the value of diversification. You own a few funds in your retirement account.

Still, you continue to ignore or neglect your money, even though you know better. Why?

Blame it on traditional financial education…where the emphasis is on filling your head with facts rather than fostering your courage to change.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been given the tools to boost Self-Efficacy, the most powerful predictor of financial well-being. (I didn’t think so)

Self-Efficacy—a concept developed by the Stanford psychologist Albert Bandura—is a person’s belief in their ability to succeed in a given task or goal.

If you don’t believe you can invest wisely without screwing up irreparably, you likely won’t even try. Or you’ll stop at the first stumbling block. Or worse, unconsciously make bad choices that reaffirms your limiting belief.

Enhancing financial Self-Efficacy is the secret sauce for financial success. It’s the difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it, between being competent and feeling confident.

Yet, I doubt you’ll be shown how to shore up Self-Efficacy by most professional advisors. But thanks to Dr. Bandura’s research, here are 4 powerful techniques to do just that:

Experience Success—Select a task that’s sufficiently challenging but definitely doable. Have that money talk with your spouse. Organize your financial documents. Balance your checkbook. As the saying goes, “confidence is a memory of success.”
Find Role Models—Observe friends, family, even perfect strangers who are financially savvy. Watching others successfully complete financial tasks provides not only inspiration, but a template to follow.
Get Encouragement—Hang around with people who will cheer you on because they truly believe in you. Those who say, “I know you can do it!” Stay away from naysayers.
Manage Emotions—if you’re depressed, traumatized or anxious, the inner work is crucial. Read self-help books. Find a counselor. Join a support group. Talk to a friend. Whatever it takes to relieve your pain, stress, worry and fear.

What can you do today to increase your Financial Self-Efficacy?

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What’s $hame Got To Do With It?

Written by Barbara Huson

It was a conversation with a friend I’ll never forget. Her family was dirt poor. Mine was quite wealthy.

Our childhoods were starkly different, but we shared a startling similarity. Growing up, we both felt a lot of shame around our family’s finances.

I hated being different from my friends. She loathed feeling less than her peers. I never knew if people liked me for me or my rich parents. She always suspected others pitied or looked down on her.

That’s when I realized: Money Shame is ubiquitous regardless of one’s economic status.

Recently, I’ve also realized: Money (or lack of it) is not the source of our shame. Money simply magnifies the shame we’ve always carried.

Shame is the intense pain of feeling so awful, so flawed, so defective that I’m worthless and unlovable.

I’m convinced that unhealed shame is perhaps the major reason smart, capable women struggle financially.

Here’s why. When shame is triggered, the logical thinking part of our brain virtually shuts down.

“It’s like our IQ drops 30 points,” Bret Lyon, founder of the Center for Healing Shame, told me. “We can’t think. We freeze. We feel stupid. We’re at a loss for words.”

Bret noted, during a workshop I attended last week, that because shame is so unbearable, we’ll do anything to avoid feeling it. He described 4 common reactions:

Denial—numbing the pain, often through addictions (compulsive spending, chronic debting, and codependency).
Attacking others—lashing out or blaming another, taking the onus off ourselves
Attacking ourselves—slipping into brutal self-flagellation for being less than perfect.
Withdrawal—isolating from others, going within to lick our wounds,

Each reaction, if left unchecked, can radically erode one’s financial stability. Which confirms my suspicion: the secret to financial security, for many women, lies in transforming toxic shame (self-loathing) into healthy shame (self-compassion).

To demonstrate how to do this, Bret led us through a 2-part exercise.

First, we adopted a shame-based posture: head bent, eyes lowered, shoulders slumped, heart heavy. Honestly, I felt horrible!

Next, we paired up and shared something we were proud of. The difference was astounding!

Recalling a past success quickly shifted my feeling horrible to “Yeah, I’m a flawed human being like everyone else and I have strengths.” That, in a nutshell, is the definition of healthy shame.

Shame and money is a relatively new topic I’m exploring. I’d love to know if you can relate. Leave me a comment below.

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Figuring Out ‘Financialese’

Written by Barbara Huson

Have you ever met with a financial advisor and wished you had a translator? I know I did a few years ago when my sisters and I spent months interviewing various advisors for some family trusts.

Nice people, all of them. But once they got started, they were speaking in a foreign tongue.

I thought I knew this language. After all, I’ve written 6 books about money, including Finding a Financial Advisor You Can Trust.

But these folks, at various points in the discussion, had my head reeling. Then it hit me.

No wonder so many women aren’t getting the financial help they need. One conversation with an advisor and their heads are reeling too. And their first reaction is often to put their reeling heads right back in the sand.

Consider this blog, in part, a Plea to Professionals. C’mon, you people. Speak in plain English. And then check in with clients at frequent intervals to make sure they understand what you are telling them..

Even as I write that I know that the truth is, the onus is on us.

I am a Big Believer in working with professionals…be it for a root canal or retirement plan. And sometimes the latter can be as painful as the former! But it doesn’t need to be.

Not if we’re willing to speak up, ask for clarification, and keep asking until we understand. Which is exactly what I had to do in those meetings. And you know what? Every expert was happy to explain. And I actually learned a lot.

It all boils down to this. If we don’t understand ‘Financialese,’ it doesn’t mean we’re stupid. It’s simply a sign to ask more questions.

The payoff is clarity. But, I’m here to tell you, the real reward is how powerful you’ll feel for standing up for yourself.

Have you ever found your head reeling while talking to a financial professional ? Leave a comment below to tell me what you did.

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Blog

An Exercise for Rewiring Your Brain

Lifting Heavier Weights

The Prayer of Self-Acceptance

The Myth of the Massive Leap

Is It Just Me? Or Are You Angry Too?

My Personal Story with Plunging Stocks (It’s Not Pretty)

Are You Really Playing Full Out?

I Know What To Do! So Why Don’t I??

What’s $hame Got To Do With It?

Figuring Out ‘Financialese’

Meet Barbara Huson

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