The Compulsion to Compare

Written by Barbara Huson

Every time you log into Facebook, you risk falling prey to a debilitating disorder. I call it The Compulsion to Compare—judging yourself against others successes and coming up painfully short.

Lord knows, it happens to me. A lot! To keep from spiraling into self-recrimination, I repeat a rhyme my grandpa taught me long ago:

If every man’s eternal care

Were written on his brow,

How many would our pity share

That hold our envy now?

Those words remind me that virtually everyone struggles with their own ‘internal cares.’

But what distinguishes the Successful is that they don’t let their fear, worry, self-doubt or whatever burdens they bear stop them…at least not for long.

They feel the fear, suffer the distractions but stay the course. And when they fall down, as they always do, they get back up and keep going. The truth is, Greatness can only be achieved by transcending your inner turmoil.

I’d love to know: Have you ever struggled with The Compulsion to Compare?

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Lifting The Financial Fog

Written by Barbara Huson

I spent most of my adult life in a financial fog as opaque as pea soup…and frustrating as hell. If you feel the same, you’re certainly not alone.

Millions of women today are stuck in a financial fog so thick and threatening, they can’t find their way to wealth and well-being. And the consequences can be devastating…on our self-esteem as well as our future security.

The way out of this miasma is not by learning more financial facts, but by first lifting the fog.

This fog is made up of a matrix of issues–suppressed emotions, limiting beliefs, childhood wounds stemming from cultural conditioning, parental messages, unhealed trauma and hidden shame.

When any of these issues are triggered, we feel threatened. Our logical rational brain shuts down, activating our primitive, lizard brain. We instinctively go into fight, flight or freeze mode.

The result: we are unable to absorb practical information, reluctant to enter the market or deferring decisions to another, terrified of making mistakes.

Until we address our internal issues, allowing us to rewire our neuropathways, managing money will remain a struggle for even the best and brightest. I know this from my own experience and my work with thousands of women.

I’d love to hear your experience with lifting the fog by doing the inner work.

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5 Terrific Tips for Investing Wisely

Written by Barbara Huson

I promise. You don’t need a boat load of money to build wealth. What you do need is to: Spend less; Save more; Invest wisely.

The first two are self-explanatory. Investing, however, is where most people trip up, which is not surprising, given that there’s an entire industry dedicated to making investing sound difficult and confusing.

Let me share with you 5 tips that really helped me finally understand investing (with links to learn more).

EDUCATE YOURSELF

There are only 5 places to invest (called asset classes)—stocks, bonds, real estate, cash and commodities. Your first task is to learn the difference between these assets classes. http://bit.ly/lucrepersonalfinance

DON’T KEEP EVERYTHING IN CASH

Cash in the bank, or under the mattress, may feel “safe.” But long term, you’re putting yourself at great risk. To ensure you don’t outlive your money, at least a portion needs to be in assets that grow faster than inflation and taxes take it away. If inflation averages 3% and your money is sitting in an account paying 1%, your buying power will significantly shrink over time. (Why Cash May Not Be as Safe as You Think)

UNDERSTAND THE RULE OF 72

This rule explains how long it will take to double your money—by dividing the interest rate or compound return into 72. Let’s say you own a fund that returns 8% annually. 72 divided by 8 equals 9…so it’ll take 9 years to double your money. Put that same amount in the bank, paying 1% interest, it’ll take 72 years to double. (Rule of 72 Definition & Example | InvestingAnswers)

MINIMIZE MARKET RISK

It’s true, the market, like a roller coaster, feels really risky. But price swings only matter when you sell. To significantly diminish the risk of loss and increase the potential for gain:

Have a longer time frame. Money you need is less than 3 years should be in cash. Everything else should be invested. The Importance Of Time Horizons For Investing (And Beyond)

Be well diversified, spreading your money among different asset classes. https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/investing/diversification

SEEK SUPPORT

The whole point of investing is to make sure your money is adequately allocated to meet your short and long term goals. To figure out the best diversification for you, consult a Fee Only Certified Financial Planner. Start with: www.garrettplanningnetwork.com

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Spooked by the Stock Market? Before You Bolt, Read This.

Written by Barbara Huson

Big news! We’re now in the lengthiest bull market in S&P history. 9 years and counting.

For some, this is cause for celebration. For others, a source of high anxiety. How about you? Amid shaky global politics and stressful market gyrations, are you ready to throw in the towel rather than endure the tension?

I totally get it. My first foray into the market was 1986. A year later—October 19, 1987—the market took a colossal dive. I freaked out, called my broker, told him to sell everything. He begged me not to.

“The market will go up. It always does,” he insisted. “And you’re going to have capital gains tax to pay.”

But I wanted out—NOW! Well, the market recovered, quite quickly. I lost a lot of money. But I learned a priceless lesson. In the 30 years since then, I’ve stayed put despite at least 8 scary crashes. And I’m very happy I did.

Still I know how agonizing market uncertainty is. Before you do anything rash, consider what my favorite Wall Street Journal columnist, Jason Zweig, advises.

While he agrees the best move now is to do nothing, he also has suggestions for easing your anxiety.

“All your actions should be small, gradual and reversible—in case you’re wrong,” he writes. The bigger, more impulsive your moves, the more likely you’ll look back with deep regret. (Like me in 1987)

Here are some things to do to assuage your fears while protecting your future:

Pay off some or all of your mortgage. “Extinguishing a 4% mortgage, provides you a 4% return at zero risk—a deal you are unlikely to beat anywhere else,” explains Zweig.
Keep any “windfall,” like a home sale or inheritance, in cash “as a psychological cushion against your fear of a crash.”
Stop Dollar Cost Averaging, or automatically investing a fixed amount every month. Then when the market crashes and stocks go on sale, it’s buying time again.
Scale back your stock holdings, say from 70% to 50%. “You could cut back by 5 percentage points every six months or by 1 percentage point each month.”

I urge you to heed Zweig’s wisdom: better to take tiny, thoughtful steps than make hasty moves that may lead to huge mistakes.

I’d love to hear how you’re feeling about the stock market these days? Leave me a comment below.

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How to Know if You’re Really Committed

Written by Barbara Huson

I have a theory. Each of us has a Patron Saint of Risk. Every time you dare do something different—make more money, write a book, start a business—this benevolent cosmic being sends a flock of angels (disguised as negative people) to tell you what a dumb idea it is.

These folks serve a very important function. They come to test your level of commitment. If you notice, the more tentative you feel, the more pessimistic they sound.

If they succeed in discouraging you, be grateful. Deep down, you just didn’t have enough moxie to make your idea work. If on the other hand, you are determined to succeed despite all the naysayers, you most likely will.

Face it. Without commitment, you can’t possibly succeed. But once you commit fully, you can’t possibly fail.

Commitment is what keeps you going despite rejection, disappointment or failure.In fact, to someone committed, failure doesn’t exist. It’s simply one more thing that didn’t work.

What’s frustrating however, is when you vow to accomplish something but to no avail. Projects fall apart. People renege on promises. Opportunities dry up. Your enthusiasm wanes. What then?

This may be a sign you’re on the wrong track. When you’re attempting something at odds with your authentic desires, your resolve will fizzle at the first hurdle.

A few years back, I was determined to learn to ride a motorcycle. My husband, a Harley fanatic, has two in our garage. Wouldn’t it be cool if I could ride alongside him? But the moment I took a tumble on the first day of motorcycle class, that was it. Clearly I wasn’t committed. I’d be just as happy on the back of hubby’s bike.

When you find yourself perpetually thwarted with a project you’ve tackled, here’s my advice. Instead of beating yourself up or struggling mightily to make it work, step back and dig deeper. Is this something I want so badly that I’m willing to fall down repeatedly until I finally succeed? Is this my soul’s yearning or simply an arbitrary ‘should’ I put on myself?

As D.H. Lawrence once suggested: “If it doesn’t absorb you, if it isn’t fun, don’t do it!”Amen to that!

What clues do you look for to determine if what you say you want to do is really an authentic desire? Leave a comment below.

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Making Friends with Anxiety

Written by Barbara Huson

I don’t know about you. But the moment I start something new, I’m filled with anxiety, a subtle sense of dread and danger.

Like now, trying to write my next book. My inner voice is relentless in its ruthlessness. “Don’t do this.” it shrieks. “Don’t you dare do this!”

I can’t say it’s debilitating. But like a barking dog late at night, I’d do anything to make it go away.

Sitting at my desk, staring at a blank page I had a sudden flashback to an interview I did during my days as a journalist. The interview was with the famed psychologist, Rollo May, author of The Meaning of Anxiety. I knew I needed to find those notes.

When I finally did, I had no doubt…this was a pep talk directly from the Divine, through Dr, May’s words.

“Anxiety is always triggered every time we face the possibility of fulfilling our potential,” Dr. May explained.

“If it were not some potentiality crying to be born, we would not experience anxiety,” he said. “Anxiety signals danger. Not a tangible danger. But a psychological threat…to our present security.”

If we try to escape this tension and fear through drugs and overwork or apathy and denial, anxiety becomes destructive. It leads to futility.

If, on the other hand, we feel and face our anxiety, enormous creativity is possible. Anxiety acts as a stimulus, he said. “It stimulates us to find new experiences, new ways of meeting problems.”

In fact, he insisted, “It is the ability to tolerate and push through anxiety that underlies every successful endeavor. All great things were done with anxiety.”

For example, May was 82 when I met with him. He’d written over 15 books and was dubbed “one of the superstars of psychology” by Time magazine.

Yet, he confessed, “Every time I write a book, I think my writing is terrible and I don’t know what I’m saying. But I keep writing anyway.”

This is exactly what I needed to hear. My goal is no longer to mute the fear, but to muster up the courage to keep moving forward, despite any apprehension.

Yes, my anxiety persists, but my commitment is stronger. I remind myself it’s a sign I’m going for Greatness.

Have you used anxiety to push yourself past your comfort zone? Were you surprised at the results? Leave a comment below.

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Humility or Self-Sabotage?

Written by Barbara Huson

Decades ago, a coach gave me a powerful assignment. It’s something I’ll never forget.

For 2 weeks, I was to simply observe my conversations, without changing a thing. Just notice what I talked about, the words I used, my typical reactions…you know, the stuff I was sharing with others.

What I saw was not pretty.

I had a habit of putting myself down…without even realizing it. I’d constantly dismiss my skills (“Oh, that’s no big thing”), deflect praise (“I thought I was awful”), and diminish my successes (“But I could’ve done so much better”).

What felt like humility was, in truth, an act of self-sabotage. Every word of self -depreciation put another dent in my self-esteem.

“What you share you strengthen,” explains A Course in Miracles. I was strengthening my self-doubt while crushing my confidence. No wonder I was struggling.

What about you? Could you be minimizing your achievements, underestimating your value, chipping away at your sense of worth? I invite you to find out.

Spend a few weeks simply noticing what you talk about. Then ask yourself this question: Could I be undermining my success by what I’m sharing with others?

Leave me a comment below to tell me what you observed.

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Joint vs Separate Accounts

Written by Barbara Huson

If you’re married, or about to be, I have a question for you. Do you have money in your own name?

Even if you’re blissfully in love with each other, even if (s)he’s filthy rich or a financial genius, it’s critical to have your own economic identity a bank account and credit card in your own name.

In part, it’s a matter of self-protection. If anything happens to your Prince(ss) Charming, you could be in big trouble. Oh, the horror stories I’ve heard from women who couldn’t get credit or had all kinds of legal problems after losing a spouse through death or divorce because everything was listed under their spouse’s name.

Also, since money is the #1 source of marital spats, having separate accounts could minimize arguments. As Stephanie Sarkis pointed out in Psychology Today, “the less you argue about money, the closer you will feel to your partner.”

But there’s also a psychological component. A separate financial identity, even while maintaining shared accounts, makes a major personal statement. It has nothing to do with the relationship. It has everything to do with your self-concept and sense of autonomy.

Putting money in your name is about growing up, becoming an adult, claiming your sovereignty over your own life.

I’d love to hear if money is a source of strife or harmony in your relationship? Leave a comment below.

Are you in search of a safe place to talk money with other women? My brand new virtual community, The Wealth Connection, is that safe place. Click here for more info.

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A Reason to Worry….Or A Call to Action?

Written by Barbara Huson

Even the wealthiest among us—those with earnings over $200,000 or a net worth over $3 million—still worry about money.

Their biggest fear: Inflation.

Inflation is, indeed, a ravenous creature that eats into our cash like a caterpillar on a leaf…slowly, methodically, little bits at a time.

For years, however, inflation has stayed quite low. But that’s rapidly changing. The Wall Street Journal just announced, “US inflation hit its highest rate in more than six years.” And inflation is expected to keep escalating.

Is it time to start worrying? Heavens NO! The worst response to climbing costs (or most anything else for that matter) is to go into fear, which tends to have a paralyzing effect.

Instead, look at rising inflation as a resounding call to action…no matter how much or how little money you have.

The only way to counter the ravages of rising prices is to make sure at least some of your savings is working harder than it would in a bank. How? By investing in assets that grow faster than what inflation takes away.

Now is the time to make sure your money is well diversified. Here’s the standard rule of thumb for investing wisely:

Money you need in the next three to five years–for emergencies, unexpected expenses, or short-term goals–should be in cash or cash equivalents like money market funds, CD’s, or short-term treasuries.
Money you’ll need in the next five to ten years should be in a mix of stocks and bonds.
Money you won’t need for ten or more years should be mostly in stocks and perhaps commodities and real estate.

You can’t eliminate inflation. But you can do a lot to protect yourself from it.

Tell me about your biggest money fear. Leave a comment below.

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I Really Want To…But I’m So Damn Scared!

Written by Barbara Huson

I dedicate this to the women in my ReWIRE Mentorship Program—and all of you—who are on the verge of taking a big leap.]

Maybe you’re ready to open your own business. Or your gut’s saying ‘slow down, spend time in stillness.’ Or it’s become quite clear—you’ve got to start setting stronger boundaries.

You really want to take the next step. But you can’t. Fear, like a colossal boulder, stands in your way.

Of course you’re afraid. Fear is normal, inevitable, whenever you leave the comfort of the familiar and venture into the unknown.

The goal is not to eliminate fear. Because you can’t. The goal is to act in spite of it.

The best advice I’ve ever read was in an interview with writer Ray Bradbury. “Just jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down,” he said, later adding, “If you’re too cautious, you’ll miss life.”

There’s no way around it. If you’re going for Greatness, there’s only one path: feel the fear, endure the discomfort, observe the resistance, and go for it anyway. (On the other side of fear you’ll find your power.)

But hear this! You don’t have to do it alone. The best antidote to fear, for us women, is surrounding yourself with a supportive community.

That’s why I’m starting a brand new virtual community for financially aspiring women, The Wealth Connection. (Details coming soon! Get priority notification here.)

As high earner Karen Page once told me:“Success is a social activity. You can’t do it alone. You just can’t.” Amen to that!!!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on how a supportive community (of lack of one) has impacted you. Leave me a comment below.

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Blog

The Compulsion to Compare

Lifting The Financial Fog

5 Terrific Tips for Investing Wisely

Spooked by the Stock Market? Before You Bolt, Read This.

How to Know if You’re Really Committed

Making Friends with Anxiety

Humility or Self-Sabotage?

Joint vs Separate Accounts

A Reason to Worry….Or A Call to Action?

I Really Want To…But I’m So Damn Scared!

Meet Barbara Huson

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