Women & Wealth
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Are You Really Playing Full Out?

In work, as in life, there are only 2 games you can play: 

  • The Underearning Game (Not to Lose)
  • The High Earning Game (To Win)

Which one are you playing? (Be honest, now!)

The goal of the Underearning Game is Not to Lose, which means you must focus on playing it safe, looking good and staying comfortable, avoiding anything that could possibly be scary, awkward, embarrassing or (gasp!) lead to failure.

The goal of the High Earning Game is To Win by going as far as you can with all that you’ve got.  And when you fall down, you get back up and keep going. Which means, despite your fear, you keep playing full out. 

Problem is, it can be tough to tell which game you’re playing. There are times when I swear I’m giving my all, but later it hits me.  I was fooling myself by holding back (even just a tiny bit means I’m playing it safe).

So, I devised the following list to help assess if you’re really playing to win.

5 Signs I’m Playing Full Out (check what applies to you).

  1. I know what I want and am committed to getting it. (And if I don’t know, I devote time and energy to figuring it out).
  2. I’m so focused on my vision that I don’t get distracted (at least not for long) by irrelevant, draining, or conflicting tasks.
  3. I’m willing to experience whatever it takes—defeat, discomfort, even humiliation—to achieve what I want.
  4. I don’t say ‘yes’ when I really want to say ‘no,’ even if it means upsetting another.
  5. Every time I’m afraid to do something, I force myself to do it anyway. (And I catch myself when I justify not doing it.)

I’d love to hear: How many did you check?  Is there anything you’d add to this list? Leave a comment below.


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What’s $hame Got To Do With It?

It was a conversation with a friend I’ll never forget. Her family was dirt poor. Mine was quite wealthy.

Our childhoods were starkly different, but we shared a startling similarity. Growing up, we both felt a lot of shame around our family’s finances. 

I hated being different from my friends. She loathed feeling less than her peers. I never knew if people liked me for me or my rich parents. She always suspected others pitied or looked down on her.

That’s when I realized: Money Shame is ubiquitous regardless of one’s economic status. 

Recently, I’ve also realized: Money (or lack of it) is not the source of our shame. Money simply magnifies the shame we’ve always carried.

Shame is the intense pain of feeling so awful, so flawed, so defective that I’m worthless and unlovable.

I’m convinced that unhealed shame is perhaps the major reason smart, capable women struggle financially.  

Here’s why. When shame is triggered, the logical thinking part of our brain virtually shuts down. 

“It’s like our IQ drops 30 points,” Bret Lyon, founder of the Center for Healing Shame, told me. “We can’t think. We freeze. We feel stupid. We’re at a loss for words.”

Bret noted, during a workshop I attended last week, that because shame is so unbearable, we’ll do anything to avoid feeling it. He described 4 common reactions:

  1. Denial—numbing the pain, often through addictions (compulsive spending, chronic debting, and codependency).
  2. Attacking others—lashing out or blaming another, taking the onus off ourselves
  3. Attacking ourselves—slipping into brutal self-flagellation for being less than perfect.
  4. Withdrawal—isolating from others, going within to lick our wounds,

Each reaction, if left unchecked, can radically erode one’s financial stability. Which confirms my suspicion: the secret to financial security, for many women, lies in transforming toxic shame (self-loathing) into healthy shame (self-compassion).  

To demonstrate how to do this, Bret led us through a 2-part exercise.

First, we adopted a shame-based posture: head bent, eyes lowered, shoulders slumped, heart heavy. Honestly, I felt horrible!

Next, we paired up and shared something we were proud of.  The difference was astounding!

Recalling a past success quickly shifted my feeling horrible to “Yeah, I’m a flawed human being like everyone else and I have strengths.” That, in a nutshell, is the definition of healthy shame.

Shame and money is a relatively new topic I’m exploring. I’d love to know if you can relate. Leave me a comment below.


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Figuring Out ‘Financialese’

Have you ever met with a financial advisor and wished you had a translator?  I know I did a few years ago when my sisters and I spent months interviewing various advisors for some family trusts.

Nice people, all of them. But once they got started, they were speaking in a foreign tongue.

I thought I knew this language. After all, I’ve written 6 books about money, including Finding a Financial Advisor You Can Trust.

But these folks, at various points in the discussion, had my head reeling. Then it hit me.

No wonder so many women aren’t getting the financial help they need. One conversation with an advisor and their heads are reeling too. And their first reaction is often to put their reeling heads right back in the sand.

Consider this blog, in part, a Plea to Professionals.  C’mon, you people. Speak in plain English. And then  check in with clients at frequent intervals to make sure they understand what you are telling them..  

Even as I write that I know that the truth is, the onus is on us.

I am a Big Believer in working with professionals…be it for a root canal or retirement plan.  And sometimes the latter can be as painful as the former! But it doesn’t need to be.

Not if we’re willing to speak up, ask for clarification, and keep asking until we understand.   Which is exactly what I had to do in those meetings. And you know what? Every expert was happy to explain. And I actually learned a lot.

It all boils down to this. If we don’t understand  ‘Financialese,’ it doesn’t mean we’re stupid. It’s simply a sign to ask more questions.  

The payoff is clarity. But, I’m here to tell you, the real reward is how powerful you’ll feel for standing up for yourself.

Have you ever found your head reeling while talking to a financial professional ? Leave a comment below to tell me what you did.


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The Compulsion to Compare

Every time you log into Facebook, you risk falling prey to a debilitating disorder. I call it The Compulsion to Compare—judging yourself against others successes and coming up painfully short.

Lord knows, it happens to me. A lot! To keep from spiraling into self-recrimination, I repeat a rhyme my grandpa taught me long ago:

If every man’s eternal care

Were written on his brow,

How many would our pity share

That hold our envy now?

Those words remind me that virtually everyone struggles with their own ‘internal cares.’

But what distinguishes the Successful is that they don’t let their fear, worry, self-doubt or whatever burdens they bear stop them…at least not for long.

They feel the fear, suffer the distractions but stay the course. And when they fall down, as they always do, they get back up and keep going. The truth is, Greatness can only be achieved by transcending your inner turmoil.

I’d love to know: Have you ever struggled with The Compulsion to Compare?


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Lifting The Financial Fog

I spent most of my adult life in a financial fog as opaque as pea soup…and frustrating as hell. If you feel the same, you’re certainly not alone. 

Millions of women today are stuck in a financial fog so thick and threatening, they can’t find their way to wealth and well-being. And the consequences can be devastating…on our self-esteem as well as our future security. 

The way out of this miasma is not by learning more financial facts, but by first lifting the fog.  
 

This fog is made up of a matrix of issues–suppressed emotions, limiting beliefs, childhood wounds stemming from cultural conditioning, parental messages, unhealed trauma and hidden shame. 
    

When any of these issues are triggered, we feel threatened.  Our logical rational brain shuts down, activating our primitive, lizard brain. We instinctively go into fight, flight or freeze mode.  

The result: we are unable to absorb practical information, reluctant to enter the market or deferring decisions to another, terrified of making mistakes.

Until we address our internal issues, allowing us to rewire our neuropathways, managing money will remain a struggle for even the best and brightest. I know this from my own experience and my work with thousands of women. 

I’d love to hear your experience with lifting the fog by doing the inner work. 


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5 Terrific Tips for Investing Wisely

I promise. You don’t need a boat load of money to build wealth. What you do need is to:  Spend less; Save more; Invest wisely. 

The first two are self-explanatory. Investing, however, is where most people trip up, which is not surprising, given that there’s an entire industry dedicated to making investing sound difficult and confusing.

Let me share with you 5 tips that really helped me finally understand investing (with links to learn more).

  1. EDUCATE YOURSELF

There are only 5 places to invest (called asset classes)—stocks, bonds, real estate, cash and commodities. Your first task is to learn the difference between these assets classes. http://bit.ly/lucrepersonalfinance

  1. DON’T KEEP EVERYTHING IN CASH

Cash in the bank, or under the mattress, may feel “safe.”  But long term, you’re putting yourself at great risk. To ensure you don’t outlive your money, at least a portion needs to be in assets that grow faster than inflation and taxes take it away. If inflation averages 3% and your money is sitting in an account paying 1%, your buying power will significantly shrink over time. (Why Cash May Not Be as Safe as You Think)

  1. UNDERSTAND THE RULE OF 72

This rule explains how long it will take to double your money—by dividing the interest rate or compound return into 72.  Let’s say you own a fund that returns 8% annually. 72 divided by 8 equals 9…so it’ll take 9 years to double your money. Put that same amount in the bank, paying 1% interest, it’ll take 72 years to double. (Rule of 72 Definition & Example | InvestingAnswers)

  1. MINIMIZE MARKET RISK

It’s true, the market, like a roller coaster, feels really risky. But price swings only matter when you sell.   To significantly diminish the risk of loss and increase the potential for gain:

Have a longer time frame. Money you need is less than 3 years should be in cash. Everything else should be invested. The Importance Of Time Horizons For Investing (And Beyond)

Be well diversified, spreading your money among different asset classes. https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/investing/diversification

  1. SEEK SUPPORT

The whole point of investing is to make sure your money is adequately allocated to meet your short and long term goals. To figure out the best diversification for you, consult a Fee Only Certified Financial Planner.  Start with: www.garrettplanningnetwork.com


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Spooked by the Stock Market? Before You Bolt, Read This.

Big news!  We’re now in the lengthiest bull market in S&P history.  9 years and counting.

For some, this is cause for celebration. For others, a source of high anxiety. How about you? Amid shaky global politics and stressful market gyrations, are you ready to throw in the towel rather than endure the tension?

I totally get it. My first foray into the market was 1986. A year later—October 19, 1987—the market took a colossal dive. I freaked out, called my broker, told him to sell everything. He begged me not to.

“The market will go up. It always does,” he insisted. “And you’re going to have capital gains tax to pay.”

But I wanted out—NOW! Well, the market recovered, quite quickly. I lost a lot of money. But I learned a priceless lesson. In the 30 years since then, I’ve stayed put despite at least 8 scary crashes. And I’m very happy I did.

Still I know how agonizing market uncertainty is. Before you do anything rash, consider what my favorite Wall Street Journal columnist, Jason Zweig, advises.

While he agrees the best move now is to do nothing, he also has suggestions for easing your anxiety.

“All your actions should be small, gradual and reversible—in case you’re wrong,” he writes. The bigger, more impulsive your moves, the more likely you’ll look back with deep regret. (Like me in 1987)

Here are some things to do to assuage your fears while protecting your future:

  1. Pay off some or all of your mortgage. “Extinguishing a 4% mortgage, provides you a 4% return at zero risk—a deal you are unlikely to beat anywhere else,” explains Zweig.
  2. Keep any “windfall,” like a home sale or inheritance, in cash “as a psychological cushion against your fear of a crash.”
  3. Stop Dollar Cost Averaging, or automatically investing a fixed amount every month. Then when the market crashes and stocks go on sale, it’s buying time again.
  4. Scale back your stock holdings, say from 70% to 50%.  “You could cut back by 5 percentage points every six months or by 1 percentage point each month.”

I urge you to heed Zweig’s wisdom: better to take tiny, thoughtful steps than make hasty moves that may lead to huge mistakes. 

I’d love to hear how you’re feeling about the stock market these days? Leave me a comment below.


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Joint vs Separate Accounts

If you’re married, or about to be, I have a question for you.  Do you have money in your own name?

Even if you’re blissfully in love with each other, even if (s)he’s filthy rich or a financial genius, it’s critical to have your own economic identity a bank account and credit card in your own name.

In part, it’s a matter of self-protection. If anything happens to your Prince(ss) Charming, you could be in big trouble. Oh, the horror stories I’ve heard from women who couldn’t get credit or had all kinds of legal problems after losing a spouse through death or divorce because everything was listed under their spouse’s name.

Also, since money is the #1 source of marital spats, having separate accounts could minimize arguments. As Stephanie Sarkis pointed out in Psychology Today, “the less you argue about money, the closer you will feel to your partner.”

But there’s also a psychological component. A separate financial identity, even while maintaining shared accounts, makes a major personal statement. It has nothing to do with the relationship. It has everything to do with your self-concept and sense of autonomy.

Putting money in your name is about growing up, becoming an adult, claiming your sovereignty over your own life.

I’d love to hear if money is a source of strife or harmony in your relationship? Leave a comment below.


Are you in search of a safe place to talk money with other women? My brand new virtual community, The Wealth Connection, is that safe place. Click here for more info.

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A Reason to Worry….Or A Call to Action?

Even the wealthiest among us—those with earnings over $200,000 or a net worth over $3 million—still worry about money.

Their biggest fear: Inflation.

Inflation is, indeed, a ravenous creature that eats into our cash like a caterpillar on a leaf…slowly, methodically, little bits at a time.

For years, however, inflation has stayed quite low.  But that’s rapidly changing.  The Wall Street Journal just announced, “US inflation hit its highest rate in more than six years.” And inflation is expected to keep escalating.

Is it time to start worrying? Heavens NO!  The worst response to climbing costs (or most anything else for that matter) is to go into fear, which tends to have a paralyzing effect.

Instead, look at rising inflation as a resounding call to action…no matter how much or how little money you have.

The only way to counter the ravages of rising prices is to make sure at least some of your savings is working harder than it would in a bank. How? By investing in assets that grow faster than what inflation takes away.

Now is the time to make sure your money is well diversified. Here’s the standard rule of thumb for investing wisely:  

  • Money you need in the next three to five years–for emergencies, unexpected expenses, or short-term goals–should be in cash or cash equivalents like money market funds, CD’s, or short-term treasuries.
  • Money you’ll need in the next five to ten years should be in a mix of stocks and bonds.
  • Money you won’t need for ten or more years should be mostly in stocks and perhaps commodities and real estate.

You can’t eliminate inflation. But you can do a lot to protect yourself from it.

Tell me about your biggest money fear. Leave a comment below.


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I Really Want To…But I’m So Damn Scared!

dedicate this to the women in my ReWIRE Mentorship Program—and all of you—who are on the verge of taking a big leap.] 

Maybe you’re ready to open your own business. Or your gut’s saying ‘slow down, spend time in stillness.’ Or it’s become quite clear—you’ve got to start setting stronger boundaries.

You really want to take the next step. But you can’t. Fear, like a colossal boulder, stands in your way.

Of course you’re afraid. Fear is normal, inevitable, whenever you leave the comfort of the familiar and venture into the unknown.

The goal is not to eliminate fear. Because you can’t. The goal is to act in spite of it. 

The best advice I’ve ever read was in an interview with writer Ray Bradbury. “Just jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down,” he said, later adding, “If you’re too cautious, you’ll miss life.”

There’s no way around it. If you’re going for Greatness, there’s only one path: feel the fear, endure the discomfort, observe the resistance, and go for it anyway. (On the other side of fear you’ll find your power.)

But hear this! You don’t have to do it alone. The best antidote to fear, for us women, is surrounding yourself with a supportive community. 

That’s why I’m starting a brand new virtual community for financially aspiring women, The Wealth Connection. (Details coming soon! Get priority notification here.)

As high earner Karen Page once told me:“Success is a social activity.  You can’t do it alone. You just can’t.”  Amen to that!!!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on how a supportive community (of lack of one) has impacted you. Leave me a comment below.


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Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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