The Inner Work of Wealth

Written by Barbara Huson

I was newly divorced, raising 3 daughters, when I got tax bills for over $1m. My ex was responsible, but he left the country…leaving me with very little in the bank. My father refused to lend me the money. I was angry & terrified, but had no choice. I had to get smart about money.

I tried going to classes, reading books, but nothing made sense. I felt immobilized. Nowhere in those books or classes could I find a solution for my paralysis.

So I took matters in my own hands. I stopped focusing on the practical mechanics of money and started plumbing the deepest recesses of my psyche. Writing in my journal proved profoundly revealing. But most of all, it was freeing.

I became aware of a familiar voice that kept telling me how stupid I was. Instead of ignoring it, letting it hold sway, as I usually did, I began a dialogue with that voice, asking it where it came from and what it wanted.

I remembered my father telling me, often and in no uncertain terms, that managing money was a man’s job. So of course, I was terrified that if I tried to take charge, I’d botch things up badly. I’d make mistakes, blow it all.

My inability to understand money was actually an act of self-protection.

“If we seek something we’re afraid of, attainment of it won’t be what you really want,” A Course in Miracles warned me.

Deep down I didn’t want to get smart. I didn’t want to take charge. I did not want to risk losing everything.

But once I understood my unconscious assumption (women are incapable of managing money) and its source (my father), I was able to discredit it. My paralysis disappeared. Learning about finances actually came quite easily.

The financial industry eschews the Inner Work of Wealth as “touchy feely.” But I’m here to tell you, financial success doesn’t come from what you do as much as it comes from how you think.

Or as author Clark Moustakas put it “When a person acts without knowledge of what (she) thinks, feels, needs or wants, (she) does not yet have the option of choosing to act differently.”

Until I was aware of my false beliefs, I was virtually unable to act differently.

What false beliefs about money are holding you back? Leave me a comment below.

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What do Dollars & Donuts Have in Common?

Written by Barbara Huson

I’ve long noticed an interesting fact. Women who have problems with money often have problems with food.

Then I read Geneen Roth’s extraordinary book, Women, Food and God, a New York Time’s bestseller. I’ve never met Geneen personally. But I instantly knew she was a kindred spirit.

Geneen insists that food is never the problem. Just as I’ve always known problems with money are never about money.

Rather, says Geneen, overeating is “a doorway to your true nature,” echoing my conviction that financial problems are a doorway to your true power.

Her book is based on her own unhealthy relationship with food and her experience teaching others what she learned during her weekend retreats.

Just like my book, Sacred Success, is based on overcoming my own devastating dealings with money and helping others do the same.

Her method of healing women’s relationship with food, similar to mine, mixes a hefty dose of spirituality with emotional transparency and practical actions.

The key to success is not to focus on dieting…or budgeting.

Instead, success comes from combining self-awareness exercises with specific practices to heal the deep-seated wounds that lead to compulsive behaviors, like chronic busyness, over eating, binge spending.

In fact, my favorite quote of all time came from Geneen: “The only people who don’t have insane relationships with money are those who were willing to examine their insane relationship with money.”

Gosh, I wish I’d said that!

Have you thought about what you’re trying to fill up with compulsive behaviors—whether with food or money issues? Leave a comment below.

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The Magical Power of Letting Go

Written by Barbara Huson

A long ago memory came to mind today. I was living in Kansas City, raising two little girls, running a thriving career counseling firm. Business was hopping, but I wasn’t happy. I was longing to live near water and write.

Huh??? I’d never written anything. And there was no water in KC (at least none that I’d want to live near!). Why would I give up a flourishing business, uproot my kids, leave behind a network of friends and reliable babysitters?

That’s when I stumbled on a quote by Carl Jung: “For better to come, good must stand aside.”

I grabbed onto those words as if they were gospel. Was it time for me to give up ‘good’? Was ‘better’ really out there…waiting? It was a risk I was willing to take.

Seven books later and still living on water, I have enormous respect for the power of Letting Go. And the scarier it is to release, the more magical the results.

The moment I decided to give up my business, someone on my staff offered to buy it. Within 6 months I was living on the side of a hill, outside San Francisco, overlooking water.

Then, out of the blue, a national magazine asked me to write a monthly career column. And they paid me!!! I was officially a writer.

Is there something ‘good’ you may need to let go of for ‘better’ to come? Think about it and leave a comment below.

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The Secret “The Secret” Forgot to Tell Us

Written by Barbara Huson

I’m a big fan of The Secret. I just watched the video again the other day.

Thanks to this wildly selling video and subsequent book by Rhona Bryne, the Law of Attraction has gained national attention. And that’s a very good thing…to a point.

The Law of Attraction states that you attract whatever you want into your life through your ability to feel good, think positively, and focus only on the desired outcome. Simply put, if you want to be rich, don’t focus on lack.

But here’s the problem. How many times have you said you really want wealth, believe riches are on the way, refuse to focus on anything but abundance….and still, nothing happens? Your bills go unpaid while your bank balance dwindles.

What The Secret failed to mention is that the Law of Attraction is only part of the equation. There is also The Law of Congruency.

This law states that your declared intention must be congruent with your unconscious decisions. For example, you may say “I want to be rich,” but if you distrust wealthy people, don’t believe you deserve it, or see money as the root of all evil, then wealth isn’t really what you want.

Or as A Course in Miracles explains: “What you ask for you receive. But this refers to prayers of the heart not the words you use in praying.”

This inner discord explains why affirmations or positive thinking, as powerful as they are, don’t always work.

If you don’t have what you want, chances are your spoken goals are in conflict with your authentic desires, and deep down, you don’t actually want what you’re asking for.

The solution—try asking yourself a question: Why don’t I want it? Or put another way: What’s my pay-off for not having it?

What do you say you want in your life but can’t seem to manifest?

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Where Power Goes to Hide

Written by Barbara Huson

She had an important decision to make. And was terribly confused.

“What should I do?’ she pleaded, sounding more like a child than the statuesque professional sitting across from me.

I debated my response and decided to go for it. “That’s not the question a powerful woman would ask,” I said.

She looked at me dumbfounded. It wasn’t what she expected to hear.

I suggested she ask herself the Power Question: What do I want? What do I really want? Not what your partner, parent or society wants—what you want.

I explained, “A powerful woman knows who she is, knows what she wants and expresses that in the world…unapologetically.”

“You give your power away the moment you look ‘out there’ for answers, approval or validation. You’re giving others control of your life.”

Admittedly, I assured her, “’What do I want?’ is not always easy to answer. Most of us never stop to consider the question. Even fewer have figured out the answer.

The answer can be very scary because if you tell yourself the truth, you go from being a victim to taking responsibility. Essentially our fear of power is our fear of becoming who we truly are.

So, I asked her again: “What do you want???”… and added in a hushed whisper…“If you weren’t afraid.”

I watched as she pondered the question. Gradually, I saw the confusion lift as relief took its place. Then she broke into a wide grin and told me exactly what she wanted. Clearly. Concisely. Confidently.

“That felt so empowering,” she exclaimed.

She finally understood: Truth is Power. And as with all of us, our truth always hides behind our fear.

My question to you: What do you want, that fear is keeping at bay?

A Simple Truth: Why the Rich Are Different

Written by Barbara Huson

Scott Fitzgerald: “The rich are different than you and me.”

Ernest Hemingway: “Yes. They have more money.”

I often see this exchange between the two authors quoted. I always want to take it one step further: “But why do the rich have more money than most.”

And my answer would be: “Because the rich think differently.”

And here’s the difference: The Masses think like a Consumer. The Rich think like a Wealth Builder.

There is a major difference between the two.

A Consumer thinks: I want more money so I can buy more clothes, take more trips, eat out more often, and have more fun.

The Wealth Builder thinks: I want more money to save and invest for the long term so that I can have more freedom, more choices, more fun, and more opportunities to give back.

Do you know what separates these two mind-sets? Instant gratification.

It’s the difference between snapping up those Prada shoes—which you simply must have because they go perfectly with that Juicy Couture dress you just bought—or depositing that same sum straight into a savings account, or better yet, a mutual fund.

The decision is yours to make.

I’m not suggesting self-deprivation. There’s a world of difference between denial and discipline.

True, the discipline of saving may require delayed gratification. But think of it this way—you’re giving the money to YOU (not Visa or Starbucks) so that ultimately you can purchase what you please without pressure or worry.

What about you? Do you think like a Consumer or Wealth Builder?

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Living with Uncertainty…AAAUGH!

Written by Barbara Huson

Transitions are a bitch. I’m smack in the middle of one right now. Maybe you are too.

I’m reminded of a cartoon. A frog is leaping from one lily pad to another with a look of sheer terror as he realizes he’s about to miss his target. The caption read: ‘Just when you think you’ve made ends meet, someone moves an end’.

That’s exactly how it feels to be in transition—whether it’s a conscious choice (like my partial sabbatical) or an unwelcomed disruption (like a job loss). You’re poised mid-air between the old and the new, wondering —what do I do now?

I remember my first big transition, back in the 80’s, when I moved to San Francisco…a dream come true. But as soon as I settled in, I wanted to jump out of my skin. This wasn’t what I expected.

By chance, I picked up the book Transitions: Making sense of Life’s Changes by Bill Bridges. To say it changed my life is an understatement.

Bridges points out that primitive societies had rituals to give meaning to life’s transitions. Initiates were taken out of their villages, into the wilderness, where they didn’t know what was going to happen next.

“Every time we make a change,” he explains, “We take a metaphorical journey into the wilderness.” But nowadays, no one is there to guide us.

Fortunately, Bridges became my guide, reassuring me that uncertainty is a vital part of the transition process.

This ‘in-between’ period is not a time to commit. It’s a time to contemplate, to feel our feelings, to grieve our losses. Even, like those primitive societies, commune with our spirit guides. We need to unhook from the past before we can create a new future.

Even now, I hear Bridges reminding me: the more you can tolerate, even embrace, uncertainty, the quicker you will get through it.

Eventually, at some point, you’ll feel a fresh burst of energy. Opportunities will appear. Loose ends will come together. Out of the chaos of uncertainty, new beginnings will inevitably emerge.

But until that happens, I have to say: Traversing uncertainty is like taking foul tasting medicine. Just because I know it’s good for me, doesn’t mean I have to like it.

How have you embraced uncertainty in your transitions?

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Living as if You Matter

Written by Barbara Huson

I once saw a poster that made a lasting impression. On it was written: Will it matter that I was?

Those words struck me like lightning bolts. I realized, after 40 years on this planet, I had never felt like I mattered…which explained the seemingly inexplicable angst I’d felt my entire life.

That’s when I made a decision. I vowed to do something ‘important’ so I’d finally feel like I mattered. And off I went.

I wrote a book, then several others. I appeared on national TV. I spoke to large audiences. But no matter how loud the applause, it never drowned out my sense of insignificance.

Until I wrote Sacred Success. Then everything changed. The women I interviewed for the book showed me the way to a more meaningful life.

Rather than focus on their fears and self-doubt (which they all had), they were living their life as if they already mattered…as if they had a God given purpose they were determined to fulfill.

Rather than striving to feel important themselves, they were seeking to make a difference for others.

When I asked one woman what drove her to such stratospheric success, her response echoed what almost everyone told me.

“It’s more than money,” she insisted. “It’s impact. I am motivated by leaving a legacy.”

As soon as I started asking myself: ‘What is the legacy I want to leave?’ I felt my focus radically shift.

I could finally acknowledge that I DO matter. I always have. Not because of something great I’ve accomplished. But because I’m here for a reason—to leave my mark on the world, even if it’s only a tiny footprint in the sand.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.”

Have you considered the legacy you want to leave?

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My Career’s a Success. My Finances, a Mess!

Written by Barbara Huson

Years ago, I noticed a puzzling phenomenon. It’s far more prevalent today. I call it the Secret Shame of Successful Women.

Bright, sophisticated professionals, making ample incomes, who have little (if anything) in the bank to show for it.

These women look like the epitome of success—whip smart, business savvy, high earners—yet suffer some degree of financial distress.

They’re either too ashamed to reach out for help (I should be able to do this) or stubbornly resist change when they do (I have no time).

At first it didn’t make sense. You’d think they’d know better, right?

If you can relate, let me reassure you.

First, you’re not alone. Second, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Finally, this has nothing to do with intelligence…or even money.

Financial instability is symptomatic of something far deeper.

The real culprit is all the bottled-up emotions you’ve likely spent a lifetime avoiding.

And what better way to avoid your suppressed pain or trauma (that your inner child still carries) than financial avoidance and the resulting turmoil.

So rather than feel the pain, you create distraction. Unconsciously, of course.

But unless you deal with your repressed emotions, you’ll keep repeating the same dysfunctional behavior. Avoidance, which became your early survival mechanism, has been hard-wired in your brain from continuous repetition.

Years ago, I had a client who, as soon as she paid off a huge debt, was suddenly flooded with scenes of early abuse.

Financial tension had conveniently masked those terrible memories.

I assured her those memories were coming up to be healed and urged her to find a therapist specializing in trauma recovery, which she did right away.

As my former client now admits: facing your pain leads to financial gain. Otherwise your deeply scarred inner child continues running your life, keeping the chaos intact

I’d love to hear from you if you can relate to this blog.

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Yikes! The Sky is Falling!!!

Written by Barbara Huson

As I write, the market’s in a nose dive. Panicked investors are running for the exits.

Please tell me you’re not one of them.

By the time you read this, stocks may have recovered. Or not. The only certainty is that, long term, the trajectory has always been up.

Besides, price swings only matters when you sell. It’s called the Rule of the Roller Coaster: You only get hurt when you jump off.

I discovered this the hard way. My first foray into stocks came after my divorce, in 1986. My broker sent me all kinds of reports and statements, none of which I understood, so I threw them away.

A year later, Oct. 1987, the market tanked…big time! I freaked out, called my broker, told him to sell everything. He begged me not to.

“The market will go back up,’ he said, “It always does.”

I didn’t care. I wanted my money where it was ‘safe’. Of course, the market rebounded, quite quickly. If I stayed put, I’d be a lot richer now. But I learned my lesson.

Fast forward, 10 years later. October, 1997. Prince Charming Isn’t Coming had been published. I knew a hell of a lot more about investing.

Again, the market plummeted. This time, I’m on the phone calling Schwab. My now 2nd ex-husband was upstairs, pacing the floor, in a frenzy about his finances. My teenage daughter comes downstairs, sees me on the phone, asks what I’m doing.

“I’m buying stock” I tell her.

“But mom,” she says, “The market’s crashing.”

“No, Anna” I say. “It’s a sale!”

I understood it then. I understood that eventually the market would go back up…I didn’t know when, but I knew it would.

Sure enough, in the 20+ years I’ve been invested, despite living through at least 8 market crashes, not just corrections like now (when market falls 10%), but full on crashes (when the market plunges 20%), I’m proud to say, I’ve done very, very well for myself.

The secret to success in investing is sticking to a long term approach. Otherwise, you’re not investing. You’re gambling.

What’s your reaction to this crazy market?

If you enjoyed this Words of Wealth, click here to receive a copy in your inbox every week.

Life Lessons

The Inner Work of Wealth

What do Dollars & Donuts Have in Common?

The Magical Power of Letting Go

The Secret “The Secret” Forgot to Tell Us

Where Power Goes to Hide

A Simple Truth: Why the Rich Are Different

Living with Uncertainty…AAAUGH!

Living as if You Matter

My Career’s a Success. My Finances, a Mess!

Yikes! The Sky is Falling!!!

Meet Barbara Huson

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