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What’s Anger Got to Do with It? Plenty!!

Unexpressed anger is perhaps our biggest barrier to financial success.

We women tend to hold a lot of repressed anger, though few realize it. I’ve certainly experienced it in myself. I spot it in most women I coach.

Anger is a natural human emotion. Healthy when expressed in a timely manner. Toxic when regularly stuffed. Suppressed anger clogs up your thinking, drains your energy, weighs you down like a concrete block.

Yet for some, the mere thought of expressing anger feels frightening, if not forbidden.

So how do you release anger…safely and effectively?  Here’s what worked for me.

Write an Angry Letter.  Write it to another, your parents or ex-husband perhaps. Then write one to yourself. Write it by hand, not computer. 

Even if you hardly feel any irritation initially, start listing what you might be annoyed at.  Let yourself get into it. Liberate your fury, your rage, your frustration. Write until you’re done. 

Fold up the letter and put it away.  Within 3 days, reread it. Is there anything you want to add?  If so, write more. Continue until you feel complete. 

When you’re finally finished, burn the letter…ritualistically.  As it burns, say to your anger: “Thank you. You served me once.  I no longer need you. I release you. You are free. I am free.”

As one client told me after writing her letter: “At first it was scary. I felt really rageful. But I also felt a release that I had never felt before.” 

What if you’ve done a gazillion anger exercises and damn it, you’re still angry? Ask yourself: What is my payoff for holding onto anger? Why don’t I want to let it go? Believe me, the anger is giving you something. But it’s nothing compared to the lightness you’ll feel once it’s lifted.

If you write (or have written) an Angry Letter, I’d love to hear how it was for you. And please share below any other ways you’ve successfully released anger.

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Comments & Feedback

  • Tammi

    A few of my girlfriends and I just did a swamp karaoke night. It felt so great to sing my anger and disappointment, my stuffed down annoyance and irritation. Pro tip: make a list of your songs before you go into the booth.

  • Christi

    Thank you for sharing this. I dealt with repressed (and expressed!) anger with my father for many years in my 20’s. I had a fortune teller (at a fair, no less!) suggest this ritual to me, after she suggested that this dynamic was blocking my path to any other meaningful relationships. It was the most cleansing experience. The anger literally burned away with the paper. I could finally see it intellectually, from the outside in, and deal with what had happened. Oddly enough I spoke with someone today about this, for the first time in years, so your message was incredibly timely. Thank you.

    • barbara huson

      A Fortune Teller gave you this exercise??? That is so cool. I’m glad you got to see how powerful it is!! I’m wondering, if the fact you were just talking about it and then you see my newsletter….hmmmm, think another angry letter needs to be written??????

  • Martha Eldridge

    I find that working with the antithesis of anger is the best antidote to taming the wild beast. Gratitude is generative and grounding. Start by noticing your anger and then say, “I am grateful for this anger as a powerful energy form and teacher.” Take a moment to reflect and then jot down what you have learned from anger and how it can ultimately give way unto gratitude and grace.

    • barbara huson

      I agree that gratitude is a powerful healer, Martha. But the anger still needs to be released. As I learned in grad school: To heal you must feel.


    I’m a bug fan of “The Angry Letter” but it hasn’t always worked for me. I know that I have deep unresolved issues from my past stemming from comments my mother made, and also ones by various family members. My anger flares when I can’t express what I am truly thinking and feeling. Which happens more often than I’d like, now that I think about it.

    • barbara huson

      I hear you Leigh. I promise you, writing an angry letter hasn’t always worked the first time for me either. I can’t tell you how many I’ve written to my mom over the years, and it wasn’t until this year that I really felt the anger fade away. Don’t give up after the first attempt!!!!

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Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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