I was newly divorced, raising 3 daughters, when I got tax bills for over $1m. My ex was responsible, but he left the country…leaving me with very little in the bank. My father refused to lend me the money. I was angry & terrified, but had no choice. I had to get smart about money.
I tried going to classes, reading books, but nothing made sense. I felt immobilized. Nowhere in those books or classes could I find a solution for my paralysis.
So I took matters in my own hands. I stopped focusing on the practical mechanics of money and started plumbing the deepest recesses of my psyche. Writing in my journal proved profoundly revealing. But most of all, it was freeing.
I became aware of a familiar voice that kept telling me how stupid I was. Instead of ignoring it, letting it hold sway, as I usually did, I began a dialogue with that voice, asking it where it came from and what it wanted.
I remembered my father telling me, often and in no uncertain terms, that managing money was a man’s job. So of course, I was terrified that if I tried to take charge, I’d botch things up badly. I’d make mistakes, blow it all.
My inability to understand money was actually an act of self-protection.
“If we seek something we’re afraid of, attainment of it won’t be what you really want,” A Course in Miracles warned me.
Deep down I didn’t want to get smart. I didn’t want to take charge. I did not want to risk losing everything.
But once I understood my unconscious assumption (women are incapable of managing money) and its source (my father), I was able to discredit it. My paralysis disappeared. Learning about finances actually came quite easily.
The financial industry eschews the Inner Work of Wealth as “touchy feely.” But I’m here to tell you, financial success doesn’t come from what you do as much as it comes from how you think.
Or as author Clark Moustakas put it “When a person acts without knowledge of what (she) thinks, feels, needs or wants, (she) does not yet have the option of choosing to act differently.”
Until I was aware of my false beliefs, I was virtually unable to act differently.
What false beliefs about money are holding you back? Leave me a comment below.
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