Help, I Think I’m A Compulsive Shopper!

Written by Barbara Huson

It’s the finale…the last installment of popular questions. I hope they’ve been helpful. And if you have any questions for me, feel free to ask. I’d love to hear from you! So here we go:

1. I’m getting married next year. Should my fiancé and I keep separate accounts or have one joint account?
It’s fine to have a joint account for bill paying, etc, but be sure you have one for yourself too. Every woman needs an account in her own name.

2. How can I stop being such a compulsive shopper?
As my mentor, Karen McCall, a pioneer in financial recovery, always said: “You can never get enough of what you don’t really need.” The problem isn’t the shopping, but the “hole in your soul” you’re trying to fill. I highly recommend attending DA (Debtors Anonymous) meetings, a 12 step program for over-spenders, chronic debtors, and underearners.

3. What is one of the most common money mistakes women make and how can I avoid it?
Without a doubt; it’s doing nothing because you’re afraid of making a mistake. My advice is to spend 3-6 months educating yourself. How?

Every day read something about money, even if it’s just the headlines in the business section of the newspaper, even if it’s only for 1or 2 minutes.
Every week, talk about money, particularly with someone who knows more than you. (taking a class counts too).
Every month, save by having a small amount from your paycheck or checking account automatically deposited in a savings and/or retirement account.

I also encourage women to find a financial advisor they can trust, who will hold them accountable and keep them on track.

4. I’m always worrying about money. How can I calm my fears?

Educate yourself. Knowledge is the best anecdote for fear. The goal is to make financial decisions from knowledge, not ignorance, emotion or habit. Doing the 3 steps I outlined above is an amazingly simple but effective way to conquer money fears.
Join with others. We women are so relationship oriented, one of the best ways to learn is to get support by forming (or joining) a money book club, money study group, or investment club.
Track your spending. Write down every penny you spend for at least a month, then transfer those amounts to spending categories. This exercise allows you to see how/where you can shave expenses, figure out a debt repayment plan, and increase savings.
Create an emergency savings fund with at least 6 months worth of living expenses (a shoe sale is NOT an emergency!)

5. As a young career woman, what’s the single smartest thing I can do with my money now?
Automatic savings. Arrange to have the bank, every month, withdraw money from your checking account or paycheck and deposit it monthly into a personal savings account. Even small amounts ($10 or $20 a month) consistently saved accumulate quickly. It’s money you’d otherwise fritter away. And you don’t miss what you don’t see!! Do the same with your company’s retirement account.

6. My current salary is under 50K. How can I make more money?
If you love what you do, ask for a raise. If you get a ‘no’, ask your boss what you need to do for a pay increase. If you feel dead-ended, or dislike your current job, start looking for a better, higher paying one. Figure out what you’re passionate about and network like crazy. From my interviews with six- and seven-figure women, I discovered that four factors are essential for financial success and quality of life (both are important):

Passion—loving what you do
Audacity—doing what you fear
Resilience—getting back up when you fall down
Community—reaching out for support

Is Talking About Money, Crass and Rude?

Written by Barbara Huson

I’m back with more questions that I’m commonly asked, and the pithy answers I provided. Let me know if you disagree (or agree) with any of my responses.
1. How does a person, like myself, who is inexperienced with negotiating, learn how to do it successfully?
I’ll tell you how I’ve learned to be a better negotiator: by 1) taking classes, 2) reading books, 3) talking to people who are good at it; 4) learning from my mistakes. If I have to choose the one that’s been the most powerful, it’s #4.
2. I have a lot of external constraints—3 children and an active family life—that prevent me from achieving my full professional potential. What can I do?
Your external conditions are not actual constraints. They’re excuses…pure and simple. I talk to too many women, with those same constraints, who are succeeding magnificently. And then there are others who don’t have kids or a family, yet have all kinds of other “constraints” as reasons for not acting. More often than not, we use those “constraints” as justifications, so we don’t have to do what we’re scared to do.
3. How can I most effectively teach my children about personal finance?
Whenever anyone asks me ‘how can I get my kids to be smart about money?’ my answer is always the same. Start by getting smart yourself. When it comes to children, you teach best what you model most. Also, I suggest talking openly and consistently (without preaching) to them about money. Include your kids in conversations about the family budget, paying bills, investing, saving for college, the danger of credit cards, etc. Managing money was, and still is, a very common topic of conversation around our dinner table.
4. I am a 50-year-old chronic underearner in a dead-end job with no advancement path. Is there any hope for me?
I was in my 50’s when I finally overcame underearning. And I’ve interviewed women who didn’t start making good money until their 60’s or 70’s. Overcoming underearning has nothing to do with age, lack of education or credentials…or anything else we think we need to make the big bucks. The only requirement necessary is the willingness to do what you fear, including thinking bigger, valuing yourself, and going outside your comfort zone (which may mean finding a new job)
5. Discussing money can be seen as crass, rude, or inappropriate. Until this changes, how can I find support, like you suggest?
I’ll tell you how I found support. I went to networking events, joined professional groups, attended financial conferences…anywhere I could find people who were like I wanted to become. I’d talk to them openly about money. It wasn’t crass. I didn’t ask how much they made, but I’d pick their brain and find out how they got smart. You’d be surprised how people will respond when you’re authentic and sincere about learning more.

So, do you agree or disagree? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Fear Got You Stuck??

Written by Barbara Huson

I have a question for you. It’s an important one. What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

Whenever my children ask me what they should do, I always respond the same way. “Do what scares you the most.” They rarely like that reply, but they always know I’m right.

Why?

Because when you stretch beyond your comfort zone, miracles occur. They really do. Dreams come true. Your confidence soars. All sorts of amazing things happen when you tackle what terrifies you. It’s the one act that separates high earners from underearners, a life of joy from one of quiet desperation. But don’t just take my word for it.

Here’s a beautiful email from a woman who attended my workshop last December:

“Your BIGGEST gift to me was your admonition to stretch – to commit myself to being uncomfortable for the sake of financial growth and, to a certain extent, self-respect. In my case, that willingness to be uncomfortable took the form of keeping up marketing relationships even when there was a clear possibility – even likelihood – of disappointment, and asking for more money for what I do. I set a goal of $100,000 in billings for this year and am happy to tell you I had exceeded that goal by the end of May. What is more, being uncomfortable is no longer very uncomfortable! (Italics are mine!) Disappointments and even outright refusals/rejections now feel like part of the landscape instead of the monumental cliffs I had imagined them to be before.”

I get emails like this all the time. I’m sure that’s what gives me the courage to stretch as often as I do. And that’s why I’m sharing the email with you…to inspire you and challenge you to go where you fear.

Two things I have come to see for sure:

1) The closer you get to what you fear, you’ll find it’s never as scary as you expected.

2) There’s a direct correlation between the level of fear you feel and the amount of pleasure, power, and freedom awaiting you on the other side.

So, I ask you again: What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Care to share???

Finding A Financial Professional

Written by Barbara Huson

Those of you familiar with my work know this about me: I’m a big fan of using financial advisors.

The reason: we women are so busy, many of us of don’t have the time, interest, or knowledge to manage our own money (and do it well). Of all the women I’ve interviewed, the ones with the highest networths didn’t necessarily earn (or inherit) the highest income. But the whopping majority did work with financial professionals.

The challenge: how do you find a trustworthy financial advisor?

The strategy: Ask for referrals from people who are happy with their advisors. Or go online to find names of advisors near you. Try these sites:

www.napfa.org — National association of Personal Financial Advisors

www.garrettplanningnetwork.com — the Garrett Planning Network of financial advisors who work for an hourly fee.

www.cfp.net — the website of Certified Financial Planners

The solution: Resist the urge to sign up with the first advisor you meet. Interview at least 3. Ask questions such as these, then go with your gut instinct:

1. Would you tell me about yourself?

2. Do you specialize in certain types of investments?

3. Who are your clients?

4. How do you charge for your services, and what costs might I incur working with you?

5. How often do you communicate with clients, and how often might I expect to hear from you?

6. Have you ever been involved in any lawsuits, arbitration, or disciplinary problems?

7. Is there anything you want me to know about you that I haven’t asked?

Need more help? I’ve written a booklet filled with great advice: Finding A Financial Advisor You Can Trust. You can order it on my website.

I’d love to hear your tips about finding an advisor.

Questions about Financial Advisors

Written by Barbara Huson

I’m a big believer in working with financial advisors. But I’ve noticed that most women have a lot of questions about working with professionals, and don’t always know how to find the answers.

Here are some of the most frequently asked questions I get*:

Q. What if I inherited financial professionals from my family and don’t want to continue working with them?

A. If you don’t like their personality, values or investment style, find someone else. Remember, it’s your money now and you need to do what is right for you. You may find it more difficult to dismiss advisors who are old family friends but, if you tell them honestly that you want to choose your own advisor, most likely they will wish you well.

Q. Do I have to sign a contract with my financial advisor? I’m afraid of getting myself into something I can’t easily get out of.

A. You will have to sign a contract with any investment advisor or brokerage firm to do business with them. The inviolable rule, of course, is never to sign any document you do not thoroughly understand. Always take your time and if any point is unclear, ask questions. For extra protection, you should review the contract with a knowledgeable friend or attorney before signing it.

Q. Every time my advisor calls suggesting that I buy something, I think to myself does she really believe this is a good investment or is she just after a commission?

A. If you feel unsure about the motives of an advisor working on commission, you need to ask yourself: Do I generally suspect people are trying to take advantage of me, or is there something about this particular advisor that makes me uneasy? If you tend to worry that people are more interested in your money than in your welfare, use this as an opportunity to examine when those feelings are justified and when they aren’t. If you think the problem is with the advisor, discuss your concerns with that person, and then review the reasons for your concerns and the advisor’s responses with a trusted friend or professional. And, of course, you can switch to a fee-only financial planner or a wrap account that’s inclusive of all fees.

Q. What if my advisor pressures me to buy something?

A. If someone tells you, “Buy this now—the price will never be this low again,” or, “This stock will hit 100 in six months,” your antennae should go up. Never buckle under pressure. Think seriously about changing advisors. As one money manager put it, “There’s always another stock and there’s always another day.”

Q. The value of my portfolio is going down instead of up, and I think my broker is at fault. Is there any chance I can recover my losses?

A. Yes. If your broker or other investment advisors have recommended unsuitable investments and failed to explain their risks, churned your account, or bought securities without your permission, you can file a claim against them. Your advisor is generally required to settle the dispute by arbitration. I suggest you discuss your case with a lawyer or other professionals who represent clients in disputes with brokers.

Q. What if I want to change advisors?

A. Before you walk away, give your current advisor a chance to respond to your complaints. Sometimes just hearing the other person’s explanation can clear the air and preserve a working relationship. If, after you’ve talked you still want to take your business elsewhere, find a new advisor who will arrange to transfer your investments for you. Then tell your advisor you want to close your account. Switching brokers should be a simple process, especially if all your holdings are commonly traded stocks, bonds, and mutual funds that are easily moved from one brokerage firm to another. Simply fill out a form listing all the investments you held at the old brokerage firm and give it to the new broker who will take care of everything else. If you’re changing money managers, the process can be slightly more complicated. Often money managers will give you a pro-rated refund and retain a fee covering 30 days.

For more information, check out my booklet: Finding A Financial Advisor that You can Trust

Good News about Women and Power…It’s Fun!

Written by Barbara Huson

You can’t imagine how much I’m learning from my interviews with women making millions. These conversations have been about far more than money.

These women are showing me a new, distinctly feminine paradigm of power.

These women are creating wealth and wielding clout on their own terms, in a decidedly womanly way.

These women have figured out how to ‘play with the big boys’, make the big bucks, all without pursuing the top-down, male-model of control, domination, and self aggrandizement.

These feminine pioneers of power are achieving extraordinary success, based on qualities that come naturally to women—partnering, nurturing, collaborating, empowering, helping others—and working toward goals that genuinely inspire them. Instead of playing like a man, they realized that they could change the rules to correspond to their values.

The late NY Congresswoman Bella Abzug, once said, “In the twenty-first century, women will change the nature of power rather than power changing the nature of women.” That’s precisely what’s happening.

“Men see power as an end. Power exists to have power”, explained Kaye Fittes, in an article on internet site Nightengale.com. “For women, power is a means to an end. To embrace power, women must see what good can come out of it.”

In other words, while men covet the cachet of the corner office, women crave the chance to make a difference.

That distinction is critical. The women I interviewed recognized that making millions was not an end, but a means, a tool for creating the life they wanted to live, becoming all they were meant to be, and making a difference in areas they deeply cared about. For them, the goal wasn’t to rival Bill Gates, but to build their own creative muscles and, in turn, benefit others, in the most meaningful, authentic, and lucrative way they can.

During our interview, Cynthia Good, co- founder of Pink Magazine, herself a woman making millions, beautifully described this phenomenon. “I have a visual of business women as race horses lined up behind the gates, ready to take off, and not just take off, but do it on their own terms by being fully themselves. That is the big difference, and that is why they want to take off, because for the first time, it’s fun because we can be who we are.”

Are you having fun yet???

Playing Full Out

Written by Barbara Huson

Are You Playing Full Out? It’s an important question. Your response determines whether you’re creating the life of your dreams or settling for mediocrity.

From my interviews with financially successful women, I learned there are two games to play:

The Underearning Game
The High Earning Game

The Underearning Game is called Not To Lose. The goal is to stay safe, look good, and be comfortable. The way to play is by avoiding uneasiness or fear.

The High Earning game is called To Win. The goal is to go as far as you can with all that you’ve got, and when you fall down, you get back up and keep going. The only way to play the high earning game is to play full out.

Problem is, sometimes it’s hard to tell which game you’re actually playing. There are times when I swear I’m giving my all, when later it hits me—I was fooling myself. I really wasn’t playing a true full out.

So I devised the following list to help you assess which game you’re really playing.

Ten Signs I’m Playing Full Out

I know what I want and am committed to getting it. (And if I don’t know, I devote time and energy to figuring it out).
I am so focused on my vision that I don’t get distracted or scattered by irrelevant, draining, or conflicting tasks.
I am willing to experience whatever it takes—defeat, embarrassment, even humiliation—to achieve what I want.
I am always doing things I’ve never done before and/or don’t want to do.
I make at least one unreasonable (i.e. scary) request a week.
I don’t say ‘yes’ when I really want to say ‘no,’ even if it means rocking the boat or upsetting another.
I regularly seek out support, and refuse to spend time with or discuss my dream with naysayers (even if they’re related)
Every time I’m afraid to do something, I force myself to do it anyway. (And I catch myself when I try to justify not doing it.)
I am rigorous about the thoughts that I think and the words that I use, making sure they’re positive, supportive, and appreciative (of myself and others).
I take time to relax and pamper myself so I don’t burn out.

What do you think of this list? Is there anything you’d add?

Financial Abuse is a Form of Domestic Violence

Written by Barbara Huson

I’m really excited about a groundbreaking project—The Allstate Foundations Domestic Violence Program. They’ve hired me as their spokesperson.

For the first time, a large corporation is addressing an issue on a national level that no one’s talking about—Financial Abuse.

We tend to think of domestic violence as physical, emotional, and verbal. Yet financial abuse is just as insidious and dangerous….perhaps even more so because we don’t recognize it.

For years, I was the victim of financial abuse. And I had no idea. The signs were there. I just didn’t see them.

For example: My husband controlled the amount of money I had access to. He refused to discuss our finances with me, and withheld important information and documents. He got us into illegal deals, “forgot” to pay taxes that were in my name, racked up a huge debt, then left the country, so I was left holding the bag! I was so embarrassed and ashamed of my ignorance, I told no one what was going on.

According to a recent poll by The Allstate Foundation, the number one reason victims stay with their abusers is financial instability. So The Allstate Foundation is doing something about this horrific problem. Aside from raising public awareness and thought leadership, they’ve created 2 amazing programs:

A financial education curriculum designed especially for advocates and survivors of domestic abuse.
An Education and Job Training Fund that provides women with immediate grants for finding work or improving their skills.

You can find out more on www.econempowerment.org. If you are in immediate danger, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) .

Please spread the word. According to a 2006 Allstate Foundation national poll, over 74% of us know someone who is the victim of domestic violence. Now you can help.

What would you do with a windfall?

Written by Barbara Huson

Here’s a question for you. If you had a choice—a $25,000 diamond ring or $25,000 in stock—what would you pick?

An Oxygen network survey asked women that very question. And you know what? The whopping majority (almost 80%) went for the stock. On the surface, that sounds like great news. But here’s what I’d like to know. How many of those women, if given a $25,000 check, would actually call their broker and buy the stock? Would you? Sadly, my guess is no.

Every piece of research I’ve read says the same thing: women today know full well they need to protect themselves financially, but they still aren’t doing it. The recognition is there, but the resistance is stronger. For example, in a 2004 Prudential Financial survey, 53% of the women said they expected to save and invest more that year. But in 2006, that same poll found only 11% had actually invested in stocks or mutual funds for the first time; only 14% opened a retirement account.

As I see it, when it comes to money, the more things change, the more they stay the same. There is still a frightening level of financial passivity and ignorance among even the most successful women.

The deeper question I have is: What can be done to motivate more women to take control of their money? Is financial inertia something you’ve seen, or struggled with personally? What has worked (or not worked) for you?

Feel free to leave your comments on this blog. If you want to read the same article I read about this survey: http://savannahnow.com//node/344335

Blog

Help, I Think I’m A Compulsive Shopper!

Is Talking About Money, Crass and Rude?

Fear Got You Stuck??

Finding A Financial Professional

Questions about Financial Advisors

Good News about Women and Power…It’s Fun!

Playing Full Out

Financial Abuse is a Form of Domestic Violence

What would you do with a windfall?

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