Whatever you achieve (or don’t) is significantly affected by everyone you associate with on a regular basis.
Just as it takes a village to raise a child, I’m convinced it takes a supportive community to raise your income.
If the people around you are going to frown upon your success, if there’s a chance they’ll reject you, it’s way too easy to throw in the towel. Why risk abandonment when you’ve got so much support for just staying put?
It’s a well known fact: “You become who you’re with.”
So, I’m on a walk with my good friend, Suzy. We’re talking about metaphysical stuff. Only she mispronounces the word. She calls it: Metafiscal.
Suzy laughs. I shriek! It was a pure light bulb moment.
“Ohmygawd,” I exclaim. “That’s my word. Metafiscal!”
To me, financial success, especially for women, is both a practical process AND a spiritual journey.
Now I have a word to describe it. Metafiscal
Metafiscal (adj)—that which blends financial know-how with metaphysical principles; a melding of the sacred and the mundane in regards to money.
The word perfectly captures the essence of all my teachings, but especially my most recent, Sacred Success™, which I’ve often described as the Wall Street Journal meets A Course in Miracles. Now I’ll just simply say it’s my latest Metafiscal work.
Guess what folks. I am a Metafiscal teacher! Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?
In my previous post, I played true confessions. I fessed up that, years ago, I constantly put myself down…without really knowing it!
I have a hunch many of you do the same. And believe me, self depreciation is a subtle but serious form of self sabotage.
I’d like to share what I did to stop. It wasn’t easy. I’m far from perfect. But success is so much easier since I curtailed my self-criticism and began acknowledging my value.
Here’s my 3-point plan to Stop Self Criticism—Observe; Brag; Find Spotters.
Admittedly, these steps, at first, felt ridiculously uncomfortable, completely awkward. But gradually, I began to notice something. My self-derision all but disappeared. And I felt much better about myself.
I’m here to say, I swear it’s true–what you share, you definitely strengthen. Please leave a comment below on how these steps support you in achieving greatness.
I wonder if we women aren’t lacking a gene that makes this form of discipline especially difficult. The final technique, Strategic thinking, means keeping one eye on your higher purpose without taking the other off the bottom line.
Men seem much savvier at strategic thinking. Women, in their eagerness to give back to their community or give birth to their dreams, often neglect this critical step.
To think strategically, you must constantly link your Big Vision to the costs of doing business, connect your mission statement to the profit/loss statement.
One woman explained it this way: “Connect everything with the numbers. To be a successful business woman, you have to strategize all the time on how to make the numbers work.”
And another, a business owner “The secret to a million dollars is continuously reevaluating the expenses to run a lean, mean business.”
And still another: “Once you know where the profit is, it’s just a matter of multiplying how many widgets you need to sell.”
Basically, strategic thinking involves:
Strategic thinking did not come easily to many of these women.
“This is not my nature,” said a former journalist, “I’m a writer. It was something I had to learn. No matter how passionate you are, you have to have business savvy.”
You can learn to think strategically by reading books, taking classes, talking to others, and/or consulting with professionals in or outside your industry.
I find strategic thinking is best done with others. My advice for tackling this technique– form a Strategic Task Force. Invite people (anywhere from 1 to 10) you trust, respect, and admire. Meet with them regularly to help you stay on track strategically or contact them when you need strategic solutions to problematic situations.
Please comment on your experience with strategic thinking. This is definitely something I want to learn more about!
I just ran across a blog…and am eager to share it with you.
Admittedly, I “ran into” it because the writer credited my book, Secrets of Six-Figure Women, for motivating her to blog. (Google sends me an alert whenever my name appears on the web.) But enough about me…
If you’re looking for an extra shot of courage, I urge you to visit http://amanda-whatareyouafraidof.blogspot.com/ Especially if you’re an aspiring writer…or an aspiring whatever….
All her life, Amanda wanted to be a writer…but never did anything about it, other than make excuses for why she couldn’t. After reading my book, however, she had an epiphany–she was just plain scared…of failure, of rejection, of not doing it right, of what others would think.
At that moment, Amanda realized, “We would rather stay exactly where we are—even if we’re miserable—because the thought of taking a risk and shaking things up scares us far more than a life of being comfortably numb.”
And at that moment, Amanda knew she had the “perfect subject for a blog—fear.” She started blogging with 2 goals in mind: 1) to overcome some of her fears, and 2) help others do the same.” And you know what? She’s actually doing it!!!
If you’re wrestling with fear (and who isn’t, to some degree?), I invite you to check out Amanda’s blog and let me know what you think!
Join me in the inspiring tale of a woman (I’ll call her Jane) who discovered the stunning power of women joining with other women to take their financial lives higher.
I’ve never met Jane. But recently, she emailed me to say a good friend started an Overcoming Underearning® Book Club, and she became a member. Five women meet monthly, at 7:30am for “OU Power Breakfasts.” The group reads one financial book a month. I am proud to report the first was mine — Overcoming Underearning®. Next was On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl’s Guide to Personal Finance by Manisha Thakor and Sharon Kedar.
Here’s how the club works: “We have assignments for our breakfasts, like writing our Contracts with Ourselves and our Wish Lists to share with the group. We also share our successes in the group in person and via email. We often include some variation of “underearning is no longer an option!” in emails!
“I feel AMAZING afterwards. It gives me such a boost throughout the day, knowing that I had done something really great for myself and spent time with supportive, uplifting, inspiring friends before going to work.”
But the group gave Jane more than good feelings. It gave her guts.
“I have a job where I’ve done several extra assignments over the past few years,” she explained, “but have never gotten paid extra for them. I was initially told there was no extra compensation for them and I never asked again. I was happy for the exposure.”
After she turned in her latest extra assignment, however, her supervisor asked Jane to do more revisions. The request followed her first book club. Bolstered by the Power Breakfast, she refused to do more because she wasn’t getting compensated.
Guess what happened?
“My supervisor then said, ‘We can compensate you!’ and within a week all the email approvals had been done to process me getting paid.”
Like most people, she had just assumed a bad economy precluded any extra pay.
“In this climate of cost-cutting I initially did not think that this was going to be possible, but once I verbalized it I realized how much work I had done and that I deserved to get paid, and felt confident that I would. This was a turning point for me in terms of now getting compensated separately for the extra work I do within my company, outside of the responsibilities of my job.”
But the story doesn’t end there. Her credit card debt, once $10,000, “is now under $1,000 and I am very close to paying it off altogether, and when I do I’m going to have a party – I will invite you and if you’re in New York I would love to have you there!”
I’d love to come. There’s nothing more inspiring than being around women empowering other women. If you’ve had any successes with similar groups, I’d love to hear about them!!!
Barbara Stanny
The leading authority on women & money
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www.barbarastanny.com
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I remember, back in the 80’s — when I was struggling to understand money — I started an Investment Club.
Every month a group of about 12 friends got together, usually at my house. Someone brought treats, and we’d spend an hour or so discussing stocks… along with girl talk, gossip and romantic updates. It was a great way to put the Fun into finances while doing some serious learning. I really did learn a lot.
However, as I also learned, Investment Clubs can be complicated, time-consuming, and sometimes, contentious. They require co-mingling money, reaching a consensus on stock picking, and a serious time commitment, especially for the officers.
I’ve come to see there’s another— arguably better— way to combine socializing and studying. Financial Book Clubs. What makes them better? These clubs are less work and focus on far more than just investing.
I wrote an earlier blog on this topic… http://barbarastannyblog.com/page/7/ But I just got an email that brought it to mind again. (Emails make such great fodder for blogs!) I was inspired… and I thought you would be too.
In my next post I’ll tell you about; “One woman’s tale of Overcoming Underearning by joining a Financial Book Club”… stay tuned!
Barbara Stanny
The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com
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I heard from a woman whose husband was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. Her question to me: What should a woman do before her husband dies?
My heart went out to her, along with my admiration. Instead of going into denial, she went into action. Death is not easy to talk about, let alone prepare for. What would you do in her situation? After all, most women will face a similar dilemma at some point.
I’ll never forget, when my father got ill, I went to my mother. “Do you know what Daddy has planned for you when he dies?” I asked.
“Oh yes,” she replied quickly, but when I pressed her for details, she couldn’t tell me. She also made it abundantly clear: this was not a conversation she wanted to have. I made it even clearer: avoidance was not an option. Here’s what we did:
1. We had “the talk.” I had my Mom sit down with my Dad and we looked at all the financial documents: bank statements, investments, estate planning, etc. This was not, by any means, an easy conversation. Dealing with death is emotionally excruciating, at least it was for us. Nerves were frayed. My Mom glazed over. My Dad lost patience. I kept scratching my wrist (a nervous habit) until it bled. But by the end, my Mom knew where every penny was and what arrangements he had made… and hadn’t made.
2. We assembled “ the team.” My Dad was very much a do-it-yourselfer. I wanted my Mom to have her own team of professionals to support and guide her (during and after). First on our list was to hire an estate lawyer… we found one (through my sister). Mom, my sisters and I met with him first, brought in my father, and together my parents created a very good, tax efficient estate plan… which my Mom not only understood, but had a big role in creating.
3. We updated documents. We made sure the Will, Power of Attorney, EVERYTHING reflected their latest info and current wishes.
As I said, not an easy process. Sadly, many of us will go through this. But being prepared, financially, will make it a little easier.
In my next post, I’ll list the final 3 steps you need to take, to prepare yourself. Stay tuned.
Barbara Stanny
The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com
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As I mentioned in my Part-1 blog on this difficult topic several days ago; I had heard from a woman whose husband was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. Her question to me: “What should a woman do before her husband dies”?
Her question caused me to recall the agony my mother and I went through when my father became ill, forcing us to make difficult decisions and plans at an already difficult time.
In Part-1, I outlined steps 1 through 3. Here I’ll finish the series, with steps 4 through 6:
4. We envisioned a future without Dad. My mom started thinking about living single: how much money she’d need to live on (a lot… she wasn’t going to work nor did she have to, but she did like to spend), how she wanted her money invested (very conservatively), and who would assist her with this. The whole family helped her find an investment advisor (we interviewed 3). She also hired a CPA – after a while, it became clear he wasn’t a good fit, so she recently hired someone else. She meets with her “team” on a regular basis to this day.
5. We had regular family meetings. These meetings, though often emotional, were absolutely wonderful in getting everyone on the same page while Dad was still alive. Meetings included my sisters, spouses, and all the grandchildren (we eventually had great grandkids crawling around too). My Dad let everyone know what his wishes were, especially for philanthropy, and enrolled the whole family to the board of his foundation. These meetings drew us closer in many ways.
6. Mom talked to friends. She’d had several friends who lost their husband’s, so she talked to them at length. They gave her great advice which really helped her see life goes on, happily so.
Having done these things, by the time my father died, all my mother had to do was grieve. Every detail was in order. There were no surprises. All papers signed. All major decisions made. Her team was in place. Practically speaking, his passing was seamless.
Barbara Stanny
The leading authority on women & money
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www.barbarastanny.com
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Does this sound like you?
“It’s a new year! I’m finally going to tackle my finances. Yep, I’m really ready to get smart about money. Well…sort of. I mean, I do want to learn…but it just seems so overwhelming. Where do I start?”
Start with this article: http://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-news
/savings-money-club-comeback-1264.php. Not just because I’m in it! The author, Dana Dratch, does a fabulous job of explaining how to make financial education fun! FUN????
Yes, FUN! Invite some friends, bring some food, and start a Money Club.
“The idea has been around for years,” Dana writes. “A small group of friends, co-workers or, in some cases, complete strangers meet regularly to polish money skills, discuss money challenges and set concrete goals. Don’t confuse money clubs with investment clubs, in which members focus on investing skills and may even make investing decisions as a group or pool their money. “
Dana also interviewed Ginita Wall, the co-founder of www.wife.org (which I believe is the best financial education site on the internet for women) and a major proponent of money clubs. Ginita created the site; www.TheMoneyClub.org, where you can download a free Leader’s Guide for “individuals interested in starting a club, and a menu of lesson plans for meetings.“
Money clubs are exploding in popularity. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s in a money club…got any tips or advice for the rest of us?
