God Bless Those Naysayers

Written by Barbara Huson

There’s a form of support you may not recognize: the Naysayer.

These pessimists have a purpose. Every time you decide to do something new, the beloved Patron Saint of Risk sends down her Angels of Gloom to shower you with disapproval.

The loftier your goal, the worse their negativity. The more tentative you feel, the gloomier they sound.

If they succeed in dissuading you, be glad. Your commitment simply wasn’t strong enough to do what it takes to get what you want.

If you’re still determined, regardless of their bad tidings, then you win the Saint’s blessing. You’ve got what it takes to break new ground.

And if you’re really sharp, you found some food for thought in the crumbs of their criticism.

You Are The Average Of The 5 People You Surround Yourself With

Who Are You Hanging Around With?

Written by Barbara Huson

Whatever you achieve (or don’t) is significantly affected by everyone you associate with on a regular basis.

Just as it takes a village to raise a child, I’m convinced it takes a supportive community to raise your income.

If the people around you are going to frown upon your success, if there’s a chance they’ll reject you, it’s way too easy to throw in the towel. Why risk abandonment when you’ve got so much support for just staying put?

It’s a well known fact: “You become who you’re with.”

Time to Have a Love Affair with Your Money

Written by Barbara Huson

“It’s amazing what you can do with money!” my daughter said to me the other day.

Her husband, a film maker, is directing a documentary funded by a generous sponsor with very deep pockets. Normally, he’s working on a shoestring. This time, he gets pretty much free rein to do fun things, like travel to far-off places and hire helicopters for various shots.

Yes, it is amazing what you can do with money. What’s puzzling is why are countless women ignoring their finances?

I’m beginning to think its fear of relationship.

In my mind, money is like a Perfect Lover. All it wants to do is serve you and support you. All it requires, in return, is to be respected and appreciated.

In other words, just like a man, money needs your attention; it needs to feel understood, cared about, and valued. Otherwise, it’s not likely to stick around for the long haul.

As in all relationships, there are good times and bad times. Right now, it’s one of those bad times for many. If you’re in that spot, this is not the time to turn your back, throw in the towel or ignore your money. At least not if you want money to be there for your old age.

Now is the time to work on creating more intimacy with your money. Get to know it better. Learn what it needs and how to best care for it. Make sure it feels the love. (The “love of money” is NOT the root of all evil! Deprivation and destitution is.)

Some suggestions for improving your relation$hip:

1. Talk to a professional. Make an appointment with a financial advisor. (Try my book Finding a Financial Advisor You Can Trust)

2. Give it attention. Read something every day about money, even if it’s just a paragraph. (Try the Wall Street Journal)

3. Talk to others. Ask friends and colleagues who are smart with money for advice

4. Be wary of hype, rumors and scare tactics. Bad news can be seductive, but it’s usuallyskewed.

I honestly think it’s time we all start having a love affair with our money. You’ll be amazed at what you’ll be able to do together as a result .

My Anger at Men

Written by Barbara Huson

The sign of the headquarters of the National A... — Image via Wikipedia

“Insecure people can be vicious.”—A Course in Miracles

What began as an angry outburst ended with a stunning revelation.

My Man and I were watching Law & Order on TV. There was one scene where 4 female detectives were chasing down the bad guys, about to solve the case.

And My Man, who is utterly supportive of me, says: “Hey, how come it’s all women on screen? Are there any men in this show?”

I was aghast. “I don’t believe you just said that,” I exclaimed, smoke coming out my nostrils.

Was My Man a closet chauvinist? He clearly didn’t like watching all these women in power. I had never seen this side of him before.

I was pissed. He had no idea why.

I tried to explain his comment was yet another example of women being marginalized, minimized by men. Something I’ve lived with my whole life. Something I’ve been working so hard to change. Something that’s caused me a lot of pain.

He fell silent for a few minutes, quietly pondering his reaction. I never expected what he said next. I know, for a fact, he didn’t either.

“I don’t have a problem with powerful women,” he explained softly. “The problem is that if women get too much power, men will have too little. Then there’s no place left for a man to be a man.”

We were both quiet for a bit (stunned may be the better word), then he continued. “I’m afraid if it’s not a man’s world, I’ll be playing the previous role women had, a diminished role. I don’t want to be in a diminished role.”

At that moment, I felt My Man could be speaking for millions of others. Behind his dismissive remark was a deep insecurity, albeit unconscious.

Suddenly my anger at chauvinism morphed into compassion for males. How many other men are threatened by powerful women, as if there’s only so much power to go around?

Believe me, I’m not making excuses for misogyny or gender discrimination. But this little tiff got me thinking.

I’ve been so focused on empowering women. Perhaps it’s time to educate our men. Clearly, they’re as afraid of our power as we are.

Men need to know we’re not seeking domination. That’s not how we work. We genuinely want partnership. We want to share power, not usurp it.

I’ll tell you one thing…my little outburst has led to some fascinating discussions. I’d love your comments. Have you ever had a similar experience with men in your life?

Anyone Understand ‘Financialese’?

Written by Barbara Huson

Have you ever met with a financial advisor, and wished you had a translator? My sister and I, spouses too, have spent the past few months interviewing various advisors for some family trusts.

Nice people, all of them. But once they got started talking, they were suddenly speaking a foreign tongue.

I thought I knew this tongue. I really did. I’ve written 5 books about money. I even wrote one on Finding a Financial Advisor You Can Trust.

But these folks, at various points in the discussion, had my head reeling.

At first, I was a bit embarrassed. I mean, I should know this stuff, right?

Then it hit me. No wonder so many women aren’t getting the financial help they need. One conversation with an advisor and their heads are reeling too. And most of them just want to put their reeling heads right back in the sand.

Consider this blog (in part) a Plea to Professionals. C’mon, you guys. Speak in plain English. And then check in with clients at frequent intervals to make sure they’re tracking.

But, truth is, I don’t hold out much hope.

And the truth is the onus is on us. I am a Big Believer in working with professionals…be it for a root canal or retirement planning. And sometimes the latter can be as painful as the former! But it doesn’t need to be.

Not if we’re willing to speak up, ask for clarification, and keep asking until we understand.

It all boils down to this. If you don’t understand ‘Financialese,’ it doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It’s simply a sign to ask more questions. The payoff is clarity. But, I’m here to tell you, the real reward is how powerful you’ll feel for standing up for yourself.

Can you relate to this post? You can tell me about your conversations with a financial advisor by leaving a comment below.

STOPPING The Oh-So-Subtle Self–Sabotage

Written by Barbara Huson

In my previous post, I played true confessions. I fessed up that, years ago, I constantly put myself down…without really knowing it!

I have a hunch many of you do the same. And believe me, self depreciation is a subtle but serious form of self sabotage.

I’d like to share what I did to stop. It wasn’t easy. I’m far from perfect. But success is so much easier since I curtailed my self-criticism and began acknowledging my value.

Here’s my 3-point plan to Stop Self Criticism—Observe; Brag; Find Spotters.

I started by observing my conversations. Every time I heard me belittling myself, I stopped. Literally stopped, mid-sentence, and force myself to say something positive…even if it was just ‘thank you.’
I started bragging (thanks to Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts). I mean, I actually prefaced sentences with “I brag…” and then tooted my own horn.
I shared my goal with a few close friends, asking them to spot me by pointing out my more subtle put-downs. They had no trouble catching me in the act. Their feedback was quite effective.

Admittedly, these steps, at first, felt ridiculously uncomfortable, completely awkward. But gradually, I began to notice something. My self-derision all but disappeared. And I felt much better about myself.

I’m here to say, I swear it’s true–what you share, you definitely strengthen. Please leave a comment below on how these steps support you in achieving greatness.

My Last Ditty on Discipline (at least for now)

Written by Barbara Huson

I wonder if we women aren’t lacking a gene that makes this form of discipline especially difficult. The final technique, Strategic thinking, means keeping one eye on your higher purpose without taking the other off the bottom line.

Men seem much savvier at strategic thinking. Women, in their eagerness to give back to their community or give birth to their dreams, often neglect this critical step.

To think strategically, you must constantly link your Big Vision to the costs of doing business, connect your mission statement to the profit/loss statement.

One woman explained it this way: “Connect everything with the numbers. To be a successful business woman, you have to strategize all the time on how to make the numbers work.”

And another, a business owner “The secret to a million dollars is continuously reevaluating the expenses to run a lean, mean business.”

And still another: “Once you know where the profit is, it’s just a matter of multiplying how many widgets you need to sell.”

Basically, strategic thinking involves:

figuring out the costs to do business
cutting losses when something wasn’t working
designing effective structures and systems
daily strategizing and yearly long term planning

Strategic thinking did not come easily to many of these women.

“This is not my nature,” said a former journalist, “I’m a writer. It was something I had to learn. No matter how passionate you are, you have to have business savvy.”

You can learn to think strategically by reading books, taking classes, talking to others, and/or consulting with professionals in or outside your industry.

I find strategic thinking is best done with others. My advice for tackling this technique– form a Strategic Task Force. Invite people (anywhere from 1 to 10) you trust, respect, and admire. Meet with them regularly to help you stay on track strategically or contact them when you need strategic solutions to problematic situations.

Please comment on your experience with strategic thinking. This is definitely something I want to learn more about!

It’s Time to Get Tough!

Written by Barbara Huson

Listen up, ladies. We need to talk. We’re still on the ‘D’ word. But now we’re getting to the nitty gritty. This form of Discipline is what separates the women from the girls. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is, in short, the BIG SECRET to SACRED SUCCESS.

And I got it straight from the mouths of women who make millions. If you wanna play a bigger game, you gotta toughen up! That means disconnecting from your Inner Pleaser and growing thicker skin.

By nature, we women want everyone to be happy with us. Successful women are no different. Almost all I interviewed confessed to a “little girl inside me who wants to be liked.”

However, success requires us to make difficult, even painful, decisions that often have negative consequences for other people.

“You have to do the hard stuff,” said one mega high earner. That ‘hard stuff’ included firing employees, ending partnerships, holding tight during demanding negotiations, enforcing an unpopular policy, firing high paying clients, even enduring multiple rejections and disappointments.

In fact, virtually all the women I interviewed told me that their biggest regret was not making tough decisions sooner.

‘Toughening up’ didn’t mean these women had to harden their hearts, numb their senses, or go all macho. It did mean a dramatic shift in their mindset.

The shift sounds like this: ‘I’d rather be respected than liked.’

As one woman told me: “I tried to be nice rather than stand by my convictions. But I learned, you can’t always be liked, but you can definitely be respected.”

The recognition that earning respect is more important than gaining approval was what one woman described as a “watershed moment.” It definitely was life-changing for me…and liberating.

This one shift in thinking– ‘I’d rather be respected than liked’ –means developing a “rhinoceroses hide” while keeping an open heart. This is precisely how we’ll become strong, effective leaders without compromising our feminine nature. This is what will allow us to be powerful without being punitive, forthright without being unfeeling, responsible without being ruthless.

Where do you need to toughen up? If you’re like me, I bet it’s not just at work, but on the home front too. Leave a comment below about what “toughening up” looks like in your life.

A New(born) Lesson in Surrender

Written by Barbara Huson

I’ve talked a lot about surrender in this blog. I actually thought I was done with this first step of Sacred Success™ last April. But surrender unfolds at it’s own pace. It can’t be rushed. Though, Lord knows, I’ve tried.

Just this past week, waiting for my daughter to give birth, I’ve experienced a whole new level of–and whole new lesson in–surrender.

I flew to California just before her due date, July 8th, putting my life on hold to be present for the delivery. She’d be having her baby at home and I wasn’t about to miss it. Nor were her sisters who came from their respective towns, or her father who traveled from a foreign country.

The first few days were exciting…a family splintered by geography gathered to welcome a new member to the tribe. But after a week, the waiting began to wear thin as we dangled in a limbo of uncertainty. No one felt it more than the mother-to-be. She became a bundle of frayed nerves, seriously doubting if there’d ever really be a baby, sure she’d let everyone down by being late, feeling helpless and out of control.

The metaphor was inescapable. This is what I’d been feeling this past year. Which is precisely what the first step to Sacred Success™ is all about: waiting to give birth. Since last December, when I started my sabbatical, I’ve been dangling in a limbo of uncertainty, consciously relinquishing control, impatiently questioning if I’d ever be productive again, wondering what other people were thinking of me.

Fast forward to this July. At the very moment the uncertainty became almost unbearable, (as it always will) I got a message from the Universe…literally. I subscribe to a daily email called TUT… A Note from the Universe tut.com. Out of the blue, came these cosmic instructions for surviving and thriving during a period of surrender:

“So what if you don’t have it yet, barbara?

It’s coming. You’re gonna get it. You’re gonna love it. And then you’re gonna forget there was ever a time when you didn’t have it.

Learning to be happy while you wait, barbara, is worth learning. And to help learn this, just keep yourself busy.”

And now, days after the birth of my granddaughter, it’s hard to believe there was ever a time we didn’t have her. I wonder if I’ll feel the same about the next phase of my career, whatever it may be?? I’ll tell you one thing, I’m determined to enjoy the wait, keeping myself busy changing diapers!!!

Tiger’s Teachings

Written by Barbara Huson

As embarrassing as it is to admit, I’m going to say it anyway. I’m enthralled by Tiger Wood’s shenanigans.

I’ve been reading everything about his sordid affairs, shamelessly devouring any article I can get my hands on.

At first I berated myself for such prurient fascination. But then I realized why this guy had my attention. It’s because, as the Wall Street Journal explained last Saturday, Tiger’s story is “a seismic cultural event.” Ok, maybe that’s overkill. But think about it….

Underneath Tiger’s escapades, is an explicit message from the Emerging Paradigm; a paradigm that exploded into being last year, just about this time. Remember?

That’s when the global economy plummeted almost overnight. That’s when we learned that no one–or nothing–is too big to fail. That’s when we witnessed a sudden, swift, and dramatic fall from grace for those living out of integrity. . Think Bear Sterns or Bernard Madoff; think a rash of regional banks that made ridiculous loans to people who couldn’t afford them.

In the flash of an eye, those institutions or individuals who were not living in alignment with the highest truth–who were spending more than they had, who were creating products they didn’t understand, who were fudging the rules or blatantly ignoring them—publicly and painfully suffered the consequences.

Enter Tiger Woods, a striking reminder that even though the economic crisis is easing, we are, nonetheless, being ushered into a New Era. And, the #1 rule for thriving in the New Paradigm is this: Lasting success demands a life of Integrity.

The word integrity comes from the Latin root, meaning wholeness or entirety. Integrity demands that our words and deeds consistently reflect our deepest truths, highest aspirations, and most cherished values.

As I see it, this may be Tiger’s true legacy. This is the gift we can take from his gaffes. Each one of us needs to ask ourselves: Where am I living out of integrity? What are the lies I’m telling myself? What truth don’t I want to see?

Powerful questions to ponder. You can be sure that I plan to ponder them as I step into the New Year. What about you?

Blog

God Bless Those Naysayers

Who Are You Hanging Around With?

Time to Have a Love Affair with Your Money

My Anger at Men

Anyone Understand ‘Financialese’?

STOPPING The Oh-So-Subtle Self–Sabotage

My Last Ditty on Discipline (at least for now)

It’s Time to Get Tough!

A New(born) Lesson in Surrender

Tiger’s Teachings

Meet Barbara Huson

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