My Last Ditty on Discipline (at least for now)

Written by Barbara Huson

I wonder if we women aren’t lacking a gene that makes this form of discipline especially difficult. The final technique, Strategic thinking, means keeping one eye on your higher purpose without taking the other off the bottom line.

Men seem much savvier at strategic thinking. Women, in their eagerness to give back to their community or give birth to their dreams, often neglect this critical step.

To think strategically, you must constantly link your Big Vision to the costs of doing business, connect your mission statement to the profit/loss statement.

One woman explained it this way: “Connect everything with the numbers. To be a successful business woman, you have to strategize all the time on how to make the numbers work.”

And another, a business owner “The secret to a million dollars is continuously reevaluating the expenses to run a lean, mean business.”

And still another: “Once you know where the profit is, it’s just a matter of multiplying how many widgets you need to sell.”

Basically, strategic thinking involves:

figuring out the costs to do business
cutting losses when something wasn’t working
designing effective structures and systems
daily strategizing and yearly long term planning

Strategic thinking did not come easily to many of these women.

“This is not my nature,” said a former journalist, “I’m a writer. It was something I had to learn. No matter how passionate you are, you have to have business savvy.”

You can learn to think strategically by reading books, taking classes, talking to others, and/or consulting with professionals in or outside your industry.

I find strategic thinking is best done with others. My advice for tackling this technique– form a Strategic Task Force. Invite people (anywhere from 1 to 10) you trust, respect, and admire. Meet with them regularly to help you stay on track strategically or contact them when you need strategic solutions to problematic situations.

Please comment on your experience with strategic thinking. This is definitely something I want to learn more about!

True Confessions

Written by Barbara Huson

I’m coming out of the closet…and perhaps going out on a limb. I’m going to tell you something I’ve never really shared out loud, in public, so explicitly.

For those who know me, what I’m about to say will come as no surprise. And if you’ve read my latest blogs, it’ll probably seem obvious. But I feel compelled to confess my deepest conviction…

I firmly believe that financial success is a spiritual journey; that financial abundance is a divine right and a divine duty; and that financial accountability is a sacred responsibility.

I share this for a reason. I believe looking at money from this perspective makes the often overwhelming task of making more and managing it wisely seem easier and definitely more meaningful. It sure did for me.

I’ve come to believe, from my own experience, that money (respecting and appreciating it) is a vital tool for doing what we were put on this earth to do.

I’ve always believed that we are here to do God’s work. But we cannot possibly follow our God-given destiny, if we’re drowning in debt or struggling to make ends meet.

However, disciplined spending, ample earnings, habitual savings, and prudent investing are sacred tools for not only living our best life but improving the lives of others.

Money is power. Everyone knows that. But I take it one step further. Money, I believe, is God made visible.

Do you think I’m way off here????

The Beginners Guide to Surrender–in 6 Simple Steps

Written by Barbara Huson

Surrender is NOT for sissies. Surrender, by definition, means relinquishing control…a frightening concept for us control freaks. Surrender drops you swiftly into a sea of uncertainty, at the mercy of your worst fears, producing serious doubts about ever being productive again. I’m speaking from experience here.

But, despite the discomfort, I’m fast becoming a fan. Something happened when I stopped struggling to impose my will and surrendered to receiving guidance–financial success started to feel like a spiritual journey.

Primitive cultures and Eastern Religions had rites and rituals to honor the Time- Between. They took their people out of the villages, into the wilderness, allowing them to connect with their spirit guides, reassess old ways of being, recognize their true purpose.

But no one teaches us, or even encourages, this practice any more.

So, for those of you wishing to take some time out in a rich and rewarding way, I bring you The Beginners Guide to Surrender ( so named because it’s written by a total beginner…me!). There’s no need to leave your village, or even your job. Just follow these 6 simple (though not easy) steps.

Step #1—Eliminate everything but the most essential.

I remember saying to my guy last winter, “I wish I could take the next month off!”

“Why don’t you?” he responded.

I gasped. Taking time off was unthinkable. Or was it? I decided to ease into it slowly, by saying ‘no’ to things that didn’t feed my soul, no matter how lucrative…or tempting. I said ‘no’ to speaking invitations, ‘no’ to networking opportunities, ‘no’ to new clients, ‘no’ to writing my newsletter and blog. If anyone asked, I was on sabbatical until further notice. I continued a little teaching and coaching, but only because I wanted to.

As a result I was left with a lot of down-time…which, of course, is the whole point.

But to many, down-time is a dirty word. And I know why: we’ll do anything to avoid the dreaded step two.

Coming up: Step #2—Allow uncomfortable feelings to surface.

Fear & Resistance: Cracking the Code

Written by Barbara Huson

I did it! I actually did it! I showed My Man my financials…and he did the same.

And you know the biggest lesson I learned (yet again) from all this? The fear of doing is always worse than the actual doing! Now, in hindsight, I wonder, “what the hell was the big deal anyway??”

The second biggest lesson: resistance wanes the closer you get to the root of it. The moment I realized it was my childhood fear of feeling different and not being accepted, those old demons didn’t seem nearly so threatening.

So here’s what happened:

We were sitting around the kitchen table. He had just made me eggs. (Gotta love a man who cooks!!) I showed him the recent blog about my old journal and my epiphany. (My Man…My Money…and Me)

He read it thoughtfully, then looked up at me and said, ever so gently: “I totally understand.”

Without even thinking, I walked to the stack of mail on the kitchen counter and tore open an over-sized envelope. How perfect that my August financial statements had just arrived the day before. I pushed aside the dishes, spread out the papers, and said, “This is what I have.”

He listened, asked a few questions, and told me he was proud of the way I managed my money, especially given my history. Then, he described what he had in each of his accounts, I asked a few questions, and praised him for being so responsible.

I got up, washed the dishes, and we took a walk. That was it. It was a non-event.

But at the same time, it was clearly a turning point. We each realized, without saying a word, we’d taken our relationship to a new level of intimacy and trust. And it felt really good!

16 Things I Wish I Knew About Money When I Graduated College

Written by Barbara Huson

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost;

that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
– Henry David Thoreau

Had a brief, but interesting conversation while shopping in Costco with My Man and his son a few days ago. His son, a senior in college, is a sheer delight. He’s ambitious and charming, with a vivid imagination and a quirky view of life. We were walking down the home furnishing aisle when he made an announcement.

“I’m going to live in a Castle one day, “ he declared, and proceeded to describe how it would have a gym, a pool, a hula hoop court (he’s an amazing hooper!), and all the amenities castle’s typical have, including lots of turrets. The boy was dead serious. I was intrigued.

“Good goal,“ I assured him, and meant it. But even more, I saw it as a wonderful metaphor for the big dreams many college kids have for life after graduation. Problem is, like most his age, he hadn’t really thought through how to make it happen.

“If you start now,” I suggested, “You can definitely make it happen.” He asked for my advice. I was ready to give it, but standing in the middle of Costco, there were too many distractions.

So this blog is meant to help him (and anyone else) build a firm foundation under their future castles.

16 things I wish I knew about money when I graduated college:

1. If you can’t afford something, don’t buy it. Delayed gratification is the gateway to wealth (and a sign of maturity).

2. Despite what you’ve heard, money is NOT power. Money is simply a tool. The trick to getting the most out of any tool is to know how it works and to use it responsibly.

3. Understand the miraculous power of compounding—where your money earns interest, then your interest earns interest, and then that interest earns interest, and before you know it, you’ve got a lot more than when you started.

4. Make savings a habit. Every month, have a small amount–say $5 to $10–automatically transferred from your checking account to a savings account.

5. Consistent savings, no matter how tiny, adds up quickly.

6. Always have a Safety Net…just in case—accumulate at least 6 months of living expenses, to be used for emergencies only.

7. Create a Fun Fund for short-term purchases, like a ‘gotta-have’ video game or a weekend getaway—open a separate savings account, or simply drop spare change in a jar.

8. Begin now building good credit. Apply for a credit card and use it responsibly, which means paying it off every month (refer back to #1!)

9. Never, I mean NEVER, get into credit card debt (not for a castle or the carpet or even a couch). Mounting credit card bills destroys your peace of mind and your quality of life. What good is a castle if you can’t enjoy it?

10. Keep your checkbook balanced. Even better, put everything on Quicken. Clarity (knowing precisely how much you have) is power.

11. Learn about investing. Take a class. The only way to make sure your money grows (enough to buy a castle and also maintain it!) is by putting at least some of your cash in long term assets (like stocks & bonds) that will grow faster than inflation and taxes will take it away.

12. Never invest in anything you don’t understand. Otherwise, you won’t know what you’re buying; you won’t know when to sell; and you can’t accurately evaluate the advice you’re given.

13. Don’t put off investing until you’re older. If you start now, regularly investing small amounts (in mutual funds), that money will grow into millions. Really!!!

14. Own and respect your value. Never settle for less than you deserve or desire. Always ask for more than feels comfortable.

15. The biggest financial risk you can take is to ignore your money, and do nothing at all.

16. Read biographies of wealthy, successful people. They’ll inspire you to think bigger about what’s possible, and give you the fundamentals for making it happen.

That’s my advice. But it’s certainly not a definitive list. I’d love to hear from others. What would you add?

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

Sharing Financial Statements… Sort Of!

Written by Barbara Huson

I sent him my blog the moment it was posted… the one about sharing our financial statements before he moves in. I made him read it while still on the phone. I was nervous for his reaction. After all, I was putting him, and our relationship, in the (kind of) public eye. His response was typical of a man with high self esteem.

“This is great,” he said and meant it.

“So,“ I said taking a deep breath, “Do you want to have The Talk?”

“Sure,” he replied without hesitation. “Let’s do it this weekend.”

Two weekends later, we still haven’t “Talked.” My Man and I are extremely close. We discuss everything, unabashedly. Yet when it comes to money, we keep tip-toeing around the topic.

What we’ve done is have a tepid conversation sprinkled with some tiny revelations. I threw out a vague number about how much I’m worth. He did the same. I mentioned something about diversifying my assets, but being heavy in cash. He, in turn, shared his disciplined approach to making retirement contributions. He even said he’s looking forward to seeing how I’ve invested. But we’ve both been reluctant to reveal specifics. I consider the conversation we had a good starter step. But why haven’t we ‘gone all the way?’

Truthfully, I’m mystified by my avoidance. All I have to do is take my latest financial statement out of the folder, hand it to him, and say “Here it is. Let’s talk,” and there’s no doubt in my mind, he’d do the same, in a heartbeat. But I haven’t.

Reminds me of the letter to Ann Landers from a woman who wanted to ask her boyfriend to help pay for her birth control, but didn’t feel she knew him well enough to ask!

I laughed when I first read that. Sure, it’s scary for most people to talk money. But I never put myself in that category!!! I mean, for the last 12 years I’ve been writing about money, consistently telling women: “It’s our secrecy and silence that keeps us stuck.”

Now, here I am, doing the secrecy-and-silence-thing… and I’m truly shocked. Is it because he’s so resistant? Or is that my projection? Does our mutual reluctance come from our disparity in income? Or is there a lot of old baggage weighing each of us down?

I think it’s time to walk my talk! Stay tuned. As always, your insight and advice is welcomed.

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

The Continuing Saga of Sharing Financial Statements – Part I

Written by Barbara Huson

It’s been several weeks since I asked for advice on the ‘right’ time to share financial statements with my boyfriend. Well you gave it to me!! And as a result, I had three big “Aha’s.”

1^st Aha: Clearly this subject touched a nerve. I was astounded by how many of you responded— by email, on my site, and in Facebook.
2^nd Aha: I’m still amazed at my reticence. I sent my boyfriend the blog, which stimulated an interesting discussion… but we have yet to “go all the way” (by sharing our statements).
3^rd Aha: I’m noticing how easy (and apropos) it is to use sexual metaphors when describing money discussions between couples. Hmmmmm… perhaps the subject for another blog?

As for your responses…

First, deep thanks to all who replied!! It was beyond fabulous to realize how many of you could relate to my dilemma.

What I found most fascinating, however, was the vast range of comments. They were all across the board— from one extreme; (“Say nothing!” and “It’s not his concern”), to the other; (“Never hold back anything” and “If you can’t come from a place of profound honesty, you’re not ready to make the commitment”). Several of you suggested drawing up an agreement with our respective lawyers, kind of like a prenuptial for live-ins. And quite a few of you remarked that the conversation about sharing expenses was far more important than sharing financial statements.

Without a doubt, the overwhelming majority were in the “full disclosure” camp, warning me that intimacy requires openness.

My favorite came from author Manisha Thakor, whose new book (due out this December) is aptly titled: Get Financially Naked: How to Talk Money with Your Honey. You gotta’ love that title!!! And it’s hard to argue with her premise.

“If you’re willing to take your clothes off together one way,” Manisha wrote, “you should be prepared to take them off financially speaking as well.” (This gives a lot of credence to my 3^rd aha!)

Her advice: “Go for it. Do the thing that these days is even more intimate than sex — talk about money together. Get the pink elephant of money out into the center of the room and demystify it. Otherwise, like termites eating away at the foundation of your relationship, little nagging doubts or questions about each others finances could end up destroying what is currently a beautiful home life.”

I agree with every word she says. Yet, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t open up and spill the whole can of beans to my boyfriend. Nor could he. But we did take a few baby steps… and I’ll share some of them with you in my next post.

Maybe, by then, I’ll figure out why neither of us were willing to “go all the way” yet.

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

Putting Some FUN Into Finances! Part II

Written by Barbara Huson

Join me in the inspiring tale of a woman (I’ll call her Jane) who discovered the stunning power of women joining with other women to take their financial lives higher.

I’ve never met Jane. But recently, she emailed me to say a good friend started an Overcoming Underearning® Book Club, and she became a member. Five women meet monthly, at 7:30am for “OU Power Breakfasts.” The group reads one financial book a month. I am proud to report the first was mine — Overcoming Underearning®. Next was On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl’s Guide to Personal Finance by Manisha Thakor and Sharon Kedar.

Here’s how the club works: “We have assignments for our breakfasts, like writing our Contracts with Ourselves and our Wish Lists to share with the group. We also share our successes in the group in person and via email. We often include some variation of “underearning is no longer an option!” in emails!

“I feel AMAZING afterwards. It gives me such a boost throughout the day, knowing that I had done something really great for myself and spent time with supportive, uplifting, inspiring friends before going to work.”
But the group gave Jane more than good feelings. It gave her guts.

“I have a job where I’ve done several extra assignments over the past few years,” she explained, “but have never gotten paid extra for them. I was initially told there was no extra compensation for them and I never asked again. I was happy for the exposure.”

After she turned in her latest extra assignment, however, her supervisor asked Jane to do more revisions. The request followed her first book club. Bolstered by the Power Breakfast, she refused to do more because she wasn’t getting compensated.

Guess what happened?

“My supervisor then said, ‘We can compensate you!’ and within a week all the email approvals had been done to process me getting paid.”

Like most people, she had just assumed a bad economy precluded any extra pay.

“In this climate of cost-cutting I initially did not think that this was going to be possible, but once I verbalized it I realized how much work I had done and that I deserved to get paid, and felt confident that I would. This was a turning point for me in terms of now getting compensated separately for the extra work I do within my company, outside of the responsibilities of my job.”

But the story doesn’t end there. Her credit card debt, once $10,000, “is now under $1,000 and I am very close to paying it off altogether, and when I do I’m going to have a party – I will invite you and if you’re in New York I would love to have you there!”

I’d love to come. There’s nothing more inspiring than being around women empowering other women. If you’ve had any successes with similar groups, I’d love to hear about them!!!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

Putting Some FUN into Finances! Part I

Written by Barbara Huson

I remember, back in the 80’s — when I was struggling to understand money — I started an Investment Club.

Every month a group of about 12 friends got together, usually at my house. Someone brought treats, and we’d spend an hour or so discussing stocks… along with girl talk, gossip and romantic updates. It was a great way to put the Fun into finances while doing some serious learning. I really did learn a lot.

However, as I also learned, Investment Clubs can be complicated, time-consuming, and sometimes, contentious. They require co-mingling money, reaching a consensus on stock picking, and a serious time commitment, especially for the officers.

I’ve come to see there’s another— arguably better— way to combine socializing and studying. Financial Book Clubs. What makes them better? These clubs are less work and focus on far more than just investing.

I wrote an earlier blog on this topic… http://barbarastannyblog.com/page/7/ But I just got an email that brought it to mind again. (Emails make such great fodder for blogs!) I was inspired… and I thought you would be too.

In my next post I’ll tell you about; “One woman’s tale of Overcoming Underearning by joining a Financial Book Club”… stay tuned!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

Is It Time To Share Financial Statements?

Written by Barbara Huson

I feel like I’m entering new territory here. I’m usually the one answering your questions. But now, I really need YOUR advice. I sincerely mean that. I’ve got a dilemma… and I’m not sure what to do, if anything.

As I vowed last month (http://barbarastannyblog.com/2009/07/17/the-retreat-to-), I am using this blog to be more authentic, especially around money. So here I am… revealing myself and requesting your help.

Here’s the situation. I’ve been dating My Man for a year and a half. We’re talking about moving in together. He’s definitely the love of my life, the person I want to grow old with, perfect for me in so many ways. We don’t want to get married. I’ve already done that twice (he, once), and we see no reason to do it again.

Here’s where I’m struggling. At what point do I have “THE TALK” with my boyfriend? Or do I even need to?

I’m referring to The Money Talk. You know, that point where I show him mine and he shows me his… networth, that is.

My income is decidedly more than his… which makes sense since he was laid off earlier this year and is starting a whole new career. While he’s never been a good saver, he’s a very frugal spender and quite responsible financially, with no credit card debt. Neither one of us have a problem with the fact that I have more money. But neither of us knows how much the other one has.

If we were getting married, it’d be a no-brainer. We’d be baring our bank statements before we ever traded “I-Do’s. ” But does co-habitating, when there’s no co-mingling of money, require the same financial transparency? I figure, if I’m wrestling with this, others must be also.

Talk to me people… this is a tough one for me. I need your feedback!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

Blog

My Last Ditty on Discipline (at least for now)

True Confessions

The Beginners Guide to Surrender–in 6 Simple Steps

16 Things I Wish I Knew About Money When I Graduated College

Putting Some FUN Into Finances! Part II

Putting Some FUN into Finances! Part I

Is It Time To Share Financial Statements?

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