Women & Power
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Joint vs Separate Accounts

If you’re married, or about to be, I have a question for you.  Do you have money in your own name?

Even if you’re blissfully in love with each other, even if (s)he’s filthy rich or a financial genius, it’s critical to have your own economic identity a bank account and credit card in your own name.

In part, it’s a matter of self-protection. If anything happens to your Prince(ss) Charming, you could be in big trouble. Oh, the horror stories I’ve heard from women who couldn’t get credit or had all kinds of legal problems after losing a spouse through death or divorce because everything was listed under their spouse’s name.

Also, since money is the #1 source of marital spats, having separate accounts could minimize arguments. As Stephanie Sarkis pointed out in Psychology Today, “the less you argue about money, the closer you will feel to your partner.”

But there’s also a psychological component. A separate financial identity, even while maintaining shared accounts, makes a major personal statement. It has nothing to do with the relationship. It has everything to do with your self-concept and sense of autonomy.

Putting money in your name is about growing up, becoming an adult, claiming your sovereignty over your own life.

I’d love to hear if money is a source of strife or harmony in your relationship? Leave a comment below.


Are you in search of a safe place to talk money with other women? My brand new virtual community, The Wealth Connection, is that safe place. Click here for more info.

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I Really Want To…But I’m So Damn Scared!

dedicate this to the women in my ReWIRE Mentorship Program—and all of you—who are on the verge of taking a big leap.] 

Maybe you’re ready to open your own business. Or your gut’s saying ‘slow down, spend time in stillness.’ Or it’s become quite clear—you’ve got to start setting stronger boundaries.

You really want to take the next step. But you can’t. Fear, like a colossal boulder, stands in your way.

Of course you’re afraid. Fear is normal, inevitable, whenever you leave the comfort of the familiar and venture into the unknown.

The goal is not to eliminate fear. Because you can’t. The goal is to act in spite of it. 

The best advice I’ve ever read was in an interview with writer Ray Bradbury. “Just jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down,” he said, later adding, “If you’re too cautious, you’ll miss life.”

There’s no way around it. If you’re going for Greatness, there’s only one path: feel the fear, endure the discomfort, observe the resistance, and go for it anyway. (On the other side of fear you’ll find your power.)

But hear this! You don’t have to do it alone. The best antidote to fear, for us women, is surrounding yourself with a supportive community. 

That’s why I’m starting a brand new virtual community for financially aspiring women, The Wealth Connection. (Details coming soon! Get priority notification here.)

As high earner Karen Page once told me:“Success is a social activity.  You can’t do it alone. You just can’t.”  Amen to that!!!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on how a supportive community (of lack of one) has impacted you. Leave me a comment below.


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The Hidden Danger of High Earnings

I recently attended an event where I was surrounded by incredibly successful women.  Every participant earned a high six or seven figures…more than 90% of the population.  

But as our conversations went deeper, I noticed a disturbing theme. There’s a dark side to high earnings. Whopping wages can be deceptive and dangerous. I call it the Illusion of Affluence. 

I saw it at that conference. I see it repeatedly with clients. High earners spending too much, saving too little, or plowing all profits back into their business. Their ample earnings gives them the fantasy, but not the security, of affluence.  

Even if they can easily make a bundle whenever they want, high earners are as vulnerable to hard times and sudden change as anyone else.  

Absolutely, women making big money are to be applauded. But the real measure of success isn’t what comes to you…it’s what stays with you. In other words, your net worth—the sum total of what you own minus the sum total of what you owe.   

Very few high earners I meet have a net worth over a million dollars. Far fewer if the value of their home wasn’t counted. Fewer still could afford to stop working, even years down the road.  

If you’re a successful high earner, or on course to becoming one, ask yourself this question: Isn’t it time my money works as hard for me as I do for it?   

I promise, wealth building doesn’t need to be overwhelming or time consuming if you start following these 3 steps: 

  1. Delegate—find financial professionals to help you create a plan and keep you on track
  2. Automateevery month automatically have a specific sum of money transferred to a savings account and also your brokerage firm.
  3. Educateeveryday, read something about money (peruse the headlines of the business section of the paper or browse through a financial magazine). I call it the Osmosis School of Learning.  

All it takes is a few minutes of daily reading, the support of trusted advisors and the habit of consistent savings to become a truly affluent woman…regardless of how much (or how little) you earn.

Leave a comment below and tell me how you make your money work for you.


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The Miraculous Power of Taking Responsibility

I clearly remember when I was in the depth of despair, unable to restrain my gambling husband. He had depleted our bank account, putting me and our daughters at terrible risk.

I turned to A Course in Miracles for solace. Instead of the solace I sought, I opened to a passage that shook me to the core.

The Course told me, in no uncertain terms: “I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience and I decide upon the goal I achieve. And everything else that seems to happen to me, I ask for and receive as I have asked.”  

In other words, the Course said, “You are doing this unto yourself.” Quite a harsh pill to swallow…even from my beloved Course.

At first I was furious. How dare anyone even suggest I’m responsible for my husband’s recklessness. He lost my money. Not me.

But as my anger subsided, those words—no one did this to me; I [was] doing it to myself—began to make sense. I finally understood what the Course promised—taking responsibility would be “my salvation.” 

This mess wasn’t solely my husband’s fault. I was as culpable as he. He may have gambled away my inheritance, but I was the one who gave him the keys to the kingdom by abdicating control.

Regardless of my husband’s actions, my choice to be a passive victim, was the real culprit. Once I realized my role in this disaster, once I started taking responsibility, everything changed rather quickly. 

Over time, I was able to not only forgive, but to actually thank my ex for losing my inheritance and my father for not bailing me out. After all, it was because of them that I discovered my calling.

Once I assumed personal responsibility, my passage to financial empowerment shifted into high gear. Sometimes, the best financial advice comes from the most unexpected sources.

I’d love to hear if miracles have occurred for you when you’ve taken responsibility…which isn’t always easy, is it? Share your story below.


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The Inner Work of Wealth

I was newly divorced, raising 3 daughters, when I got tax bills for over $1m. My ex was responsible, but he left the country…leaving me with very little in the bank.  My father refused to lend me the money. I was angry & terrified, but had no choice. I had to get smart about money. 

I tried going to classes, reading books, but nothing made sense. I felt immobilized. Nowhere in those books or classes could I find a solution for my paralysis.

So I took matters in my own hands. I stopped focusing on the practical mechanics of money and started plumbing the deepest recesses of my psyche. Writing in my journal proved profoundly revealing. But most of all, it was freeing.

I became aware of a familiar voice that kept telling me how stupid I was. Instead of ignoring it, letting it hold sway, as I usually did, I began a dialogue with that voice, asking it where it came from and what it wanted.

I remembered my father telling me, often and in no uncertain terms, that managing money was a man’s job. So of course, I was terrified that if I tried to take charge, I’d botch things up badly. I’d make mistakes, blow it all.

My inability to understand money was actually an act of self-protection.

 “If we seek something we’re afraid of, attainment of it won’t be what you really want,” A Course in Miracles warned me.

Deep down I didn’t want to get smart. I didn’t want to take charge. I did not want to risk losing everything.

But once I understood my unconscious assumption (women are incapable of managing money) and its source (my father), I was able to discredit it. My paralysis disappeared. Learning about finances actually came quite easily.

The financial industry eschews the Inner Work of Wealth as “touchy feely.”   But I’m here to tell you, financial success doesn’t come from what you do as much as it comes from how you think. 

Or as author Clark Moustakas put it “When a person acts without knowledge of what (she) thinks, feels, needs or wants, (she) does not yet have the option of choosing to act differently.” 

Until I was aware of my false beliefs, I was virtually unable to act differently.

What false beliefs about money are holding you back? Leave me a comment below.


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Fear is Good! Really!!!

Inspired by those “Life is Good” t-shirts, I am launching a new campaign. And I invite you to join me. I’m calling it: Fear is Good. 

As I see it, Fear has gotten a bum rap and a bad rep.  Maybe it’s leftover from our Neanderthal heritage, when hungry predators were a constant threat.

But times have changed. And so has Fear’s function.  

Problem is, few of us have figured that out.  We feel the Fear, and instantly take flight. We don’t realize that, in modern times, fear is rarely a sign that our survival is being threatened.   

Nowadays, the only survival being threatened is usually our egos. Fear has a new purpose—to warn us of approaching Greatness.

And as I’m discovering, we’re as afraid of our Greatness as our ancestors were of carnivorous beasts…maybe more.

So, I’m on a crusade to change that.  Let it be known…Fear is the clearest signal we will get that we’re on the precipice of greater success, greater prosperity, greater happiness, greater impact.

Imagine if you finally realized that Fear is nothing to fear. As for my Fear is Good campaign, there’s only one requirement to become a member.

Every time you get scared, you shout, at the top of your lungs: “I go where I fear!”  And off you go…in the direction of your fear, in the direction of your Greatness.

Fear is Good!  Can I sign you up? Leave me a comment below.

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What do Dollars & Donuts Have in Common?

I’ve long noticed an interesting fact. Women who have problems with money often have problems with food.

Then I read Geneen Roth’s extraordinary book, Women, Food and God, a New York Time’s bestseller. I’ve never met Geneen personally. But I instantly knew she was a kindred spirit.  

Geneen insists that food is never the problem. Just as I’ve always known problems with money are never about money. 

Rather, says Geneen, overeating is “a doorway to your true nature,” echoing my conviction that financial problems are a doorway to your true power.  

Her book is based on her own unhealthy relationship with food and her experience teaching others what she learned during her weekend retreats.  

Just like my book, Sacred Success, is based on overcoming my own devastating dealings with money and helping others do the same.

Her method of healing women’s relationship with food, similar to mine, mixes a hefty dose of spirituality with emotional transparency and practical actions.  

The key to success is not to focus on dieting…or budgeting.

Instead, success comes from combining self-awareness exercises with specific practices to heal the deep-seated wounds that lead to compulsive behaviors, like chronic busyness, over eating, binge spending. 

In fact, my favorite quote of all time came from Geneen: “The only people who don’t have insane relationships with money are those who were willing to examine their insane relationship with money.” 

Gosh, I wish I’d said that!

Have you thought about what you’re trying to fill up with compulsive behaviors—whether with food or money issues? Leave a comment below.


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Where Power Goes to Hide

She had an important decision to make. And was terribly confused.

“What should I do?’ she pleaded, sounding more like a child than the statuesque professional sitting across from me.

I debated my response and decided to go for it. “That’s not the question a powerful woman would ask,” I said.

She looked at me dumbfounded. It wasn’t what she expected to hear.

I suggested she ask herself the Power Question: What do I want? What do I really want? Not what your partner, parent or society wants—what you want.

I explained, “A powerful woman knows who she is, knows what she wants and expresses that in the world…unapologetically.” 

 “You give your power away the moment you look ‘out there’ for answers, approval or validation. You’re giving others control of your life.”

Admittedly, I assured her, “’What do I want?’ is not always easy to answer. Most of us never stop to consider the question.  Even fewer have figured out the answer.

The answer can be very scary because if you tell yourself the truth, you go from being a victim to taking responsibility. Essentially our fear of power is our fear of becoming who we truly are.

So, I asked her again: “What do you want???”… and added in a hushed whisper…“If you weren’t afraid.”

I watched as she pondered the question. Gradually, I saw the confusion lift as relief took its place. Then she broke into a wide grin and told me exactly what she wanted. Clearly. Concisely. Confidently.

“That felt so empowering,” she exclaimed.

She finally understood: Truth is Power. And as with all of us, our truth always hides behind our fear. 

My question to you: What do you want, that fear is keeping at bay?


 

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Financial Miracles or Financial Misery? A Metafiscal Solution.

I spent much of my adult life in financial misery. Even as I learned more about money, I still felt out of control. Then everything changed.

The solution didn’t come from a financial text, but a spiritual one, A Course in Miracles.

From the Course I learned that we have “two thought systems” or two distinct “voices” in our head:

  • The voice of Fear (the Ego).
  • And the voice of Love (the Soul).

The Soul and the Ego have conflicting agendas. Thus they produce dramatically different results–either miracles or misery.

You cannot follow two masters,” the Course warns. “There is no compromise between the two.”

My financial life radically shifted as I began to recognize their differing agendas.

The Ego’s job is to keep us safe.  A job it learned very early in life, when our survival depended on getting love, approval, and attention. The Ego is all about instilling fear as a means of self-protection. 

But know this: what helped us survive as a child will suffocate us as an adult.

The Soul’s job is to make sure we soar. The Soul, which gets its marching orders directly from God, pushes us to do what we’re here to do—which is usually way outside our comfort zone.

Up till then, I had no idea my resistance to managing money was my Ego’s misguided effort to protect me.

Mustering up the courage to ignore my Ego and heed my Soul—though terrifying at first—moved me out of misery and into miracles. It will do the same for you. 

Here are 3 steps for plugging into your Soul. They require persistant practice. It’s truly a lifelong challenge.

  1. Observe your feelings. Frustration, tightness, anxiety, fear, inadequacy, needing to control…all signs you’re in Ego (which always speaks first, screams loudest and never shuts up.)
  2. Don’t try to stifle the Ego. That’s part of its devious plan. The Ego depends on distractions such as busyness & other addictions to prevent you from surrendering to silence.
  3. Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, relax. Your Soul, which is quiet but tenacious, needs you to be still and listen. Only in stillness can you make out its muted whispers, its sacred wisdom, its loving guidance.

What’s your practice for plugging into your Soul?


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The Life Changing Power of Setting Strong Boundaries

In my interviews with High Earners I always asked: “Are you doing what you’re doing for the money?”

Almost to a woman, their response was a vehement NO. Passion, challenge, and recognition drove them. But not the money.

Here’s the catch. In the next breath, they all said the same thing. “But I damn well want to be well compensated…because I know I’m worth it!”

Where did their strong sense of self-worth come from? I soon discovered the answer.

These women forced themselves to set strong boundaries. They asked for what they wanted and said ‘no’ to what they didn’t. Over and over again.

This simple (but scary) act was the secret to their financial success. Here’s why:

  • Asking for more is an act of self-love
  • Saying no is a statement of self-respect.
  • Refusing to settle is a show of self-esteem.
  • And walking away is a sign of self-trust.

Whenever you stand up for what you want, whenever you refuse to take less than you deserve, you reinforce your self-love, self-respect, self-worth, and self-trust.

In time, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself.

Speaking up becomes not something you should do, but something you have to do— because you know in your heart you’re worth it.

Where do you need to set boundaries by speaking up?


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Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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