She was a high-level executive who hated her job. Her boss was a bully, the work was boring at best, and despite her massive salary, she could barely cover expenses. The thought of leaving terrified her.
I could tell she didn’t expect my first question.
“What was it like for you growing up?” I asked.
She paused before replying: “My mother was abusive. My father an alcoholic. Money was a huge source of stress. I was always walking on eggshells,”
“It sounds like you’re recreating your childhood in your job,” I pointed out.
“OMG,” she gasped. “I did the same in my marriage.”
She was shocked. I wasn’t.
I’m convinced that unhealed trauma is the major reason smart, capable women struggle financially and personally.
Trauma has many different faces. Whether you grew up in poverty or partial neglect, lived in a war zone or a home full of fighting, were teased by your peers or belittled by your teachers—stressful experiences become deeply and indelibly tattooed onto your brain.
The neuropathways carved from painful memories become set in cement, causing us to unconsciously recreate the trauma until we heal it.
I urged her to seek therapy.
“Great!” she groaned. “I’ve been in therapy for almost 10 years. So much for that!”
I shared with her how few therapists truly understand the connection between unhealed trauma and current troubles. Moreover, traditional talking therapy doesn’t work.
I gave her the name of a trauma therapist.
If you keep repeating patterns that are eerily similar to previous painful experiences, I recommend you see a therapist specifically trained in trauma therapy, which include EMDR (eye-movement desensitization), IFS (Internal Family Systems), Somatic Therapy, and others.
Healing from trauma is a journey that leads to profound personal and financial freedom. Isn’t it time for you to break free from those stubborn, unhealthy patterns and create a life you truly love?
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