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The Beginners Guide to Surrender – Step 2

After you’ve eliminated everything but the most essential you’re ready for Step 2…

Step #2—Allow uncomfortable feelings to surface.

Uncertainty, fear , self doubt–all those demons we’ve been artfully dodging through over-work, over-eating, over-spending and other drugs of choice—will inevitably rear their ugly heads.

For me, my biggest fear was being invisible, disappearing, not mattering.  I knew that was exactly what I had to face.  Because, I knew very well, on the other side of  fear is power. And, more than anything, I wanted to retrieve all the power I had given away in a myriad of ways.  So, too,  I yearned to retrieve all that creativity I felt I lost.  To that end, I also knew that uncertainty, as anxiety producing as it was for me,  is  the natural beginning of all creative acts, a primal state of pure energy, a very fertile time.

It’s been an emotional roller coaster, but I buckled in for the ride. As I wrote in Overcoming Underearning: “When you learn to face that which makes you fearful, it need never control you again.” I genuinely believe that!

Check back tomorrow for Step 3 – Reassess, reevaluate….

The Beginners Guide to Surrender – Step 4

Surrender means taking time to go within.  It also means looking outward with new eyes.  That’s what Step #4 is all about.

Step #4—Receive consciously.

Receiving is an acquired skill most of us have never learned.  I’ve come to see that Successful Surrender requires Conscious Receiving. And the first Rule of Conscious Receiving is:  Give Up Judgment.  In other words:

  • Everything that happens, ‘good’ and ‘bad’, is seen as a message or a gift.
  • There is no negative, there is no positive, there is only information.
  • Whatever  occurs during Surrender is simply feedback about your future.

For example, during this period, I got an idea for a book, was all excited, and sent it my agent. He rejected it immediately.  Normally, I’d be devastated…and, admittedly, I was for a bit. But I began looking for the gift, the message, the lesson.  I figured it wasn’t time for the book but I’d be shown when it was.  And if not the book, something else will surface.

I continued to journal, meditate, self-reflect . Then, a few weeks ago, someone asked me when I was going to do another newsletter. Of course, I took it as a sign. As I wrote it, I felt compelled to blog. So, here I am.  Who knows what’s next!

Next: Final Steps

Sweet (?) Surrender

You may have noticed. There’s been a big gap between my last blog and this one. What a perfect metaphor!!

For months now, I’ve been literally living in the Gap.  Last December, I ended one phase of my life (my business partnership) but to date, haven’t begun the next phase (still being determined).

However, instead of forcing things into focus, I decided to consciously Surrender. Allow the future to unfold at its own pace, in its preferred direction.

This is not a tact I’d normally take.   I’m a go-getter kind of gal.   Surrender, to me, had negative connotations, something to be avoided by anyone with any ambition. Or at least that’s what I thought…

…until I began interviewing women who made millions. Making millions was my new goal, and the idea for my next book.  In the course of those conversations, however, I stumbled on a startling revelation.

Every woman I interviewed experienced a sort of limbo, or ‘time-between,’ just before she started making millions. They all described spending somewhat lengthy periods in the unknown, tolerating (though not enjoying) the uncertainty, allowing things to fall apart without rushing to put them back together

I saw how these Time-Outs served an essential role in their eventual triumphs because they used them, as one woman put it, “to regroup and come back stronger.”

These Surrender Points were often precipitated by an outside event—anything from a painful loss to a life threatening illness—though sometimes, the women themselves deliberately chose to step off the grid. I much preferred to follow in the latter’s footsteps… surrender and regroup–by design, not default.  It’s been quite a ride!

I intend to use my blog, at least for a bit, to explore this whole notion of surrender, share my experiences with you, and most of all, hear from those of you who’ve done something similar.

I’m beginning to think it’s time we stop avoiding the void.



Getting Past the Stuck Point

I once kept a quote on my wall: “We pray to God when our foundation is being shaken, only to find out it’s God who is doing the shaking.”

I often recall those words when I coach women.

CalculatorJust yesterday, I talked to a client who was almost in tears. Her husband’s business unexpectedly went belly up. Suddenly, they had no income. She was forced to get a higher paying job.

“Do you think this crisis has anything to do with my decision to make more money and my lack of action?” she asked.

Obviously it was a rhetorical question.

I see this pattern all the time. Women do not get serious about money—making it or managing it—until a crisis hits. Either their world falls apart, or feels like it’s about to. That’s when they finally take action.

I did it myself. I waited until a million dollar tax bill almost wiped me out. Not smart!!

How about you? Are you avoiding financial stuff until the pain gets worse than the fear? Are you looking for a way to get going without having your very foundation violently (or even mildly) shaken.

If so, try this experiment. Focus on what inspires you and stop dwelling on what scares you. Forget all the things that can go wrong. Instead consider all you can do when you have more money. Not just buying more shoes, but making a difference. Think about the joys of philanthropy, leaving a legacy, contributing to causes you feel passionate about, helping your kids, your parents, people you love.

That’s what I finally did. I started thinking about what kind of a role model I wanted to be for my daughters instead of obsessing about screwing up. When I made that shift, I had no choice…I could no longer let fear stop me!

I’d love to hear other ideas for getting unstuck. What worked for you?

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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