Interesting Image

Success Insists: “Toughen Up…But Not Like A Man!”

We women, by nature, tend to be pleasers. We want everyone to be happy with us. Believe me, successful women are no different. Almost all the high earners I’ve interviewed confessed to a “little girl inside me who wants to be liked.”

Yet these women were continually required to make difficult, even painful, decisions that often had negative consequences for other people. The secret to their success: they had to toughen up.

‘Toughening up’ does not mean we have to harden our hearts, numb our senses, or act like men. The women I interviewed taught me four techniques for becoming strong, effective leaders without compromising their feminine nature.

1. Aim to be respected rather than liked. “I tried to be nice rather than stand by my convictions,” said one woman who quickly learned, “You can’t always be liked, but you can definitely be respected.” The recognition that earning respect was more important than gaining approval was, for most, a “watershed moment.”

2. Reframe obstacles. “I can’t see a challenge or problems,” said one high earner. “They don’t exist for me. Everything is an opportunity to make it work.” I heard almost the exact words from virtually every successful woman. “I can’t hear ‘no,” exclaimed a woman who refused to use the word ‘problem’ or even ‘obstacle.’ “A Growth opportunity is a better word,” she told me.

3. Take decisive action without second guessing. Analysis paralysis is a dangerous sink hole on the road to success. These women disciplined themselves to take action without obsessing or vacillating. As one explained, “Be decisive and stand by your decisions, without wavering. If it’s right, it’s right. If not, then make a new decision. It’s not the decision, it’s what you put behind the decision, not second guessing.”

4. Focus on possibilities—Underearners tend to be preoccupied with doors that are closed, fears of inadequacy or the need to be perfect. High earners are always looking for windows of opportunity, how to best serve others and become their most authentic self.

How do you get beyond that “little girl inside who wants to be liked”? Leave me a comment below.

Comments & Feedback

  • Lisa

    I’m not a billionaire; however for me, it’s seeing the real truth behind a “situation” in all aspects of life, instead of being that girl who wants to like and to be liked….

    Sometimes it’s positive. “Hey, this isn’t so bad, I can see a lot of growth here for me”. Sometimes it’s a gut wrenching moment. “There is really no money in this, I need to try something new”. Or, “this man isn’t Prince Charming at all, he’s a middle aged person who’s never earned much money, likes doing part time jobs where he has access to touching and spending time with women, owes child support to multiple women and likes women who funds his carefree life”!!

  • Tanna Marshall

    Thank you for this message, Barbara – I’ve shared your suggestion to aim be respected instead of liked in a program I created – Overcoming Nice Girl Syndrome.

    Perfect advice advice for women who still feel like little girls wanting everyone to like them.

    I think we all need to hear this – repeatedly 🙂

    I appreciate all you do to support and promote women’s wealth and well-being!

Use The Form Below to Share Your Feedback And Opinion

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

Top Back To Top
Site Design Rebecca Pollock
Site Development Alchemy + Aim