Overcoming Financial Paralysis

I was newly divorced, raising 3 daughters, when I got tax bills for over $1m. My ex was responsible, but he left the country…leaving me with very little in the bank. My father refused to lend me the money. I was angry and terrified. I had no choice. I had to get smart about money.

I tried going to classes, reading books, but nothing made sense. I felt immobilized. Nowhere in those books or classes could I find a solution for my paralysis. Until I took matters in my own hands.

I stopped focusing on the practical mechanics of money and started plumbing the deepest recesses of my psyche. Writing in my journal proved profoundly revealing.

I became aware of a familiar voice that kept telling me how stupid I was. Instead of ignoring it or letting it hold sway, as I always did, I began a dialogue with that voice, asking it where it came from and what it wanted.

I immediately heard my father telling me, often and in no uncertain terms, that managing money was a man’s job. As a woman, I did not have what it took to deal with finances.

So of course, I was terrified that if I tried to take charge, I’d botch things badly, blow it all.

Once I understood my unconscious assumption (women are incapable of managing money) and its source (my father), I was able to discredit it. My paralysis disappeared. Learning about finances actually came quite easily.

The financial industry eschews the Inner Work of Wealth as “touchy feely.” But I’m here to tell you, financial success doesn’t come from what you do as much as how you think.

Until I was aware of my false beliefs, I was a prisoner to them. If you’re feeling at all stuck, the solution rarely lies in doing more Outer Work. The key is exploring your limiting beliefs and false assumptions.

Until you consciously examine your early programming and intentionally change it, you’ll be like puppets pulled by the strings of your past.

What beliefs about money are holding you back? Leave me a comment below.

Comments & Feedback

  • suzy

    thank you barbara i feel blessed to have found you and your wisdom.

  • Amy Bright

    I am at a completely stuck place, and it has been building up to this for a long time. I finally got the guts to leave a toxic relationship, but now, I am aware that I have been relying too heavily on savings, as I keep thinking of all the things I want to do, but haven’t got the courage to step out on my own. I have nearly always worked for someone else, but only ever made enough money to get by. Now, I’m not even doing that.
    My father was always grumbling about money, he wasn’t happy in his work, in fact, “work” was kind of a bad word, and I learned to associate it with unhappiness. My mother only had a few part-time jobs, her main time was spent being a housewife, which she didn’t seem too happy about, but she didn’t know how to break through that. Now at 60, while I know I’m very smart, I don’t want to work for someone else and make only small wage. I have lots of gifts to offer, but it feels as though there is competition everywhere, why would anyone want what I have to offer. My father also often said, “I’m not a good businessman, I’m no good at business, I should have been a teacher.” So what am I finding myself saying now to myself ? ?!! Also, when I got my yoga teaching credential, he said, “you can’t make a living being a yoga teacher!” I don’t know what other messages are in there but there must be others because I’m stuck stuck stuck,,,, and my bowels are to show for it! Help!!

  • Dr Rebecca Stafford aka Dr Habit

    I’ve just broken through an income ceiling!! I’ve just had a new client want a further (psychology coaching) session at my new high rate of $NZ 350 per 90 minutes.

    Even though I’ve had one client tell me that I’m really cheap compared to some others in my niche, this feels like a huge sum of money for me. My initial reaction was to feel bad that she’s paying ‘so much’ and to want to offer her discounts.

    The client hasn’t raised the issue of money at all, was very happy to pay and to book another session.

    My blocks involve receiving an abundant income from healing people – wotk that I love and I’m really freakin’ good at!. And I did it for free for years. And ran into debt!

    I can’t name a specific source of these money blocking beliefs. I’ve had many negative comments about women and financial abundance over the years from family and wider culture. However, this time, I ‘just’ noticed and accepted my discomfort and feelings of guilt around receiving good money for my vocation – and gratitude to the client for the fair exchange. I help her and she helps me.

    Love to all of us!

  • Raven

    I have recently gotten in touch with this sense that arises from deep within, like a mildly uncomfortable sensation, that I don’t actually have what it takes to be financially successful *on my own.* So far I have succeeded when in partnership with someone in their business, otherwise known as not mine creation, not my brain child.

    The origins of this one are mixed. I was encouraged to focus on a career, to choose something “practical” and build towards retirement. I suppose it’s also true that what said I wanted to do – help others succeed doing work they loved – was a success path for the lucky few, which I might have internalized as “not me.” Otherwise, I have a sense I wasn’t actually trusted with my future (lots of controlling actions to make sure I didn’t stray to far from what was deemed appropriate behavior) so I’m guessing that’s what really got installed.

    Only the lucky few make good money doing what they love.
    Stay within the lines of what is considered appropriate.
    Security before passion work.

    My work, my voice, is not one that goes with the crowd, although I tried for years. I am a mild contrarian. And I still believe that we each have our place and purpose in the world, and the best thing for the planet of humans is for each of us to find that place to express our brilliance and be well compensated in exchange, whatever way that means for us, individually. No rules.

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Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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