Interesting Image

Oh-So-Subtle Self-Sabotage

“What you share you strengthen.”

~A Course In Miracles

In the spirit of the above quote, ask yourself this question: Could I be undermining my success by what I’m sharing with others?

Years ago, a  coach gave me a powerful assignment.  For 2 weeks, I was to simply observe my conversations, without changing a thing. Just notice what I talked about, the words I used, my typical reactions…you know, the stuff I was sharing with others.

What I saw was not pretty.

I had a habit of putting myself down…without even realizing it. I’d constantly dismiss my skills (“Oh, that’s no big thing”), deflect praise (“I thought I was awful”), and diminish my successes (“But I could’ve done so much better”).

What felt, to me, like humility, was in truth, a form of self sabotage. Every word of self depreciation put another dent in my self esteem.   I was strengthening my self-doubt…while destroying my self-confidence.  No wonder I was struggling.

Are you doing something similar? Minimizing your achievements or underestimating your  value?

I invite you to find out. Spend a few weeks simply watching what you talk about.  Then write a comment below on what you observed.


Filed under: News & Updates

Comments & Feedback

  • Twinkle

    Ooh! Without even taking a few weeks or days, I can tell you that I know I don’t speak kindly to or about myself. Accepting compliments felt like bragging, entitlement, and worse. I’m in a profession where there is a lot of attention given, and needed, yet I deflect. I am slowly learning to value myself, trust my worth, but it’s tough. I’m going to keep at it and build this skill. Thank you for this reminder!
    Laugh as much as you breathe!

    • barbara stanny

      I agree, Twinkle…it’s really challenging to value myself…it’s a work in progress…and it really truly does feel so much better when I stop diminishing myself. I still trip up…so I know what you mean!

      Thanks, Barbara

  • Andrea

    “Self deprecation is your comfort zone.” Ugh. Yes. You have described me here…lots to work on. Thanks for putting this into words.

    • barbara stanny

      I know…just hearing those words from my coach, I had the same reaction. Ugh!!!!! But it was a good wake up call. Maybe it will be to you too!!!! Good luck!

  • Kathryn Jarrell

    But what if your life is going super well, everything is working and you want to shout to the world how wonderful you feel, but people feel you are bragging and trying to make them feel bad by comparison?

  • barbara stanny

    Kathryn, Thanks for your comment…I think a lot of women would agree with you. But I wonder how much of that is your projection!

    And honestly, it’s codependent (unhealthy) to worry about other people’s feelings over your own. I know…I’m a recovering codependent and have to really watch my self from dimming my light to take care of others !!!

    • Sophia

      WOW that is SO true! It’s a sign of codependency to worry about what other people think of you! Thank you Barbara! Love from a fellow recovering codependent

      • barbara stanny

        We recovering codependents need to support each other!!! It’s so easy to slip up! Thanks Sophia.

  • Barbara

    Such a simple idea and what a powerful insight it can provide. Thanks for sharing Stanny, love that.

  • Laura Handke

    I so remember the first time I realized this, Barbara. I was driving, and a driver in a green car honked. I immediately thought the honking was about something I had done. When I took some time to reflect, I realized the honking had nothing to do with me at all – I had just been making it about me all this time.

    • barbara stanny

      Hi laura…so good to see you here. That’s a perfect example of how we (women in particular) tend to think when something goes wrong, there’s something wrong with us. I really have to be vigilant about that. Thanks for sharing that.

  • Tami Mathisen

    Once, many years ago during a workshop I was attending, a brilliant woman gave me a lunch assignment. My assignment was to write a brief but honest resume, something I had never done. After lunch, she asked me for my homework. After reading over my resume, she told me that she had known top level CEO’s who didn’t have my experience, expertise and skills. She drew a circle around my list and then drew a large = sign and wrote mt name next. It was a huge moment for me to believe that someone I respected as successful, confident and professional would see my skills and abilities and see them in me, when I couldn’t. Absolutely changed my life and I never saw myself as small and inadequate EVER again.. WAIT! That amazing woman was YOU!

    • Sophia

      What a wonderful testimonial about you Barbara!!!

    • barbara stanny

      Wow, Tami, I agree with Sophia. What a beautiful testimonial. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. And let me say this. I’ve worked with thousands of women….but you’re my star pupil, radically transforming your relationship to money (hell, your whole life) in a relatively short period of time. I devoted a whole chapter in one of my books to your heroic changes. Which is a testimonial to how strong, determined and unstoppable you are. And you’ve been paying it forward ever since. Way to go!

Use The Form Below to Share Your Feedback And Opinion

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

Top Back To Top
Site Design Rebecca Pollock
Site Development Alchemy + Aim