Getting Past Guilt

There’s an old joke: What do you call a woman who feels no guilt? A man. You may laugh. But sadly it’s true. Studies have confirmed that indeed women suffer significantly more guilt than men.

Guilt, simply put, is feeling as if you’ve done something wrong or bad. Every time you deviate from the norm, from what you ‘should’ do, your Ego goes berserk, using guilt, like a whip, to keep you in check, warning of dreadful consequences if you disobey its rules.

Guilt is self-destructive, immobilizing, a short cut to unhappiness, a hindrance to healing. You know you’re acting from guilt whenever you hear yourself saying I should….

As my dear friend and songwriter, Athena Burke, always says, “Anything that comes after ‘I should’ is a lie.” Our Ego’s lie.

I spent years wracked with guilt for leaving my kids with a sitter every day and going to work. I was tormented by the feeling I should be home with them, like my mother was for me.

Then a very wise teacher told me something I will never forget. “Guilt,” he explained, “is anger you don’t feel a right to have.”

The moment I heard those words, I recognized the truth. I was actually furious at my children for ‘making’ me feel bad.

As soon as I saw this, I began releasing my anger by replacing it with love...for my work, for my kids, for myself. I recognized that I’m not my mother, nor would I be happy living by her values, her rules.

It was a stunning awareness that freed me from guilt, allowing me to enjoy being a mom, my way!

If you are tormented by guilt, it’s time to muster up the mental discipline to stop beating yourself up and start trusting your truth while honoring your needs (even if it looks to the world as if you’re selfish).

What ‘shoulds’ are you allowing to make you feel guilty? Leave me a comment below.

Comments & Feedback

  • Colleen Henderson

    Thanks Barbara Huson for this! I’ve been driven by guilt and shame over making a different choice after I moved me and my partner to a bigger home, into a new neighborhood, with benefits for both of us and the cat… there was something wrong with the house.. I couldn’t get grounded and two young men tried to break into the house talking to me through a locked screen door with helicopters overhead and police scaling the neighborhood:(!!! I just never got grounded, started yelling at my partner, and even started screaming in the end… my partner didn’t want to move, but I finally pulled the plug in January and left him and the cat, myself staying in Airbnbs and a sublet. The sublet ended all of a sudden so I found a more permanent place to live that was nice with lawn, garden, hardwood floors and fireplace within walking distance to shops and close to where we used to live. I thrived around there and felt safe. It wasn’t planned, it was just where this house was located. However there is little room for my partner. We miss him, but I’m starting to thrive again and I’m getting my health back:)!! One thing I really learned was to have enough ample savings in cash that would have allowed me to move a lot quicker than I did!! I’ve changed. My visions have changed. I’m evolving and I have a whole new set of skills to offer my clients and resources to live with!! Grateful to be alive, grounded, better resourced, and healthy!!

  • Lisa

    Hi Colleen,

    I don’t think anybody should feel guilty about moving out of a home where you don’t feel safe and where there’s lots of toxic communication (yelling and screaming ). Nobody could have predicted your dream home would have turned out to be so spooky. I take feeling safe for granted, so thank you for sharing this.

    Glad you and your cat are feeling so much better. I agree with you that moving out of a home with a partner is an unexpected cost most people don’t plan for. First, you need to put a deposit down on a new place, then it takes a few months to adjust to a new budget without a contributing partner. Thank you for the reminder to keep adding to my emergency savings account.

Use The Form Below to Share Your Feedback And Opinion

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

Top Back To Top
Site Design Rebecca Pollock
Site Development Alchemy + Aim