I had a huge surprise when interviewing high earners for my book, Secrets of Six-Figure Women.

I expected these women to be extremely confident. And they were indeed.

What I never expected was how many of these “confident” women actually felt like a fraud and were terrified others would find out.

Their level of fear was astonishing. But their courage was inspiring. In fact, after one of those interviews, I grabbed a blank piece of paper and wrote, in red crayon: “Do What You Fear. That’s How You Succeed.” I framed it and put it on a table across from my desk where it still stands today. 

 It’s hard not to freak out these days. Between all the political hostility, global wars, and precarious economy, how’s a girl supposed to stay positive and avoid panicking? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately.

Then I remembered a helpful antidote to fear that I once assigned participants during a retreat I gave. I asked them to keep a Receiving Journal. I did it too.

Writing in a Receiving Journal serves the same purpose as tracking your spending. But instead of increasing your awareness of money going out, a Receiving Journal forces you to face all the abundance flowing in.

 As A Course of Miracles tells us: “Every day a thousand treasures come to me with every passing moment.”  The problem, however, is that we fail to notice those frequent treasures, especially when fear is ever-present.  

Take a guess. What’s the most popular new year’s resolution for 2024? Yep, you got it. According to a variety of sources from Forbes to CNBC, we all want more money.

As a wealth coach, it’s the #1 reason women have come to me for over 30 years. “I need more money,” they tell me.

“It’s so simple,“ I tell them. “All you have to do is spend less, save more, invest wisely.” 

“But I need to make more,” they tell me.

Then I explain that wealth doesn’t come from what you earn, but from what you keep, which requires following those 3 steps.

But I’m the first to admit; while the steps may be simple and straight forward, actually putting them into practice can be extremely challenging.

It was a conversation with a friend I’ll never forget. Her family was dirt poor. Mine was quite wealthy. Our childhoods were starkly different, but we shared a startling similarity.

Growing up, we both felt tremendous shame around our family’s finances. I hated being different from my friends. She loathed feeling less than her peers. I never knew if people liked me for me or my rich parents. She always suspected others pitied or looked down on her.

That’s when I realized: Money Shame is ubiquitous regardless of one’s economic status. But it’s not the money (or lack of it) that causes shame. Money simply magnifies the shame we’ve always carried.

Shame is the intense pain of feeling so awful, so flawed, so defective that we’re convinced we’re worthless and unlovable.

I believe unhealed shame is perhaps the major reason smart, capable women struggle financially.  Because when shame is triggered, the logical thinking part of our brain virtually shuts down.