Women & Power

Practicing Radical Self-Acceptance

All my life, I’ve been a self-improvement junkie. Show me a seminar touting personal growth and it was like throwing raw meat to a ravenous lion. I’d hungrily pounce on it.

But then life went into lockdown, removing a myriad of distractions. That’s when I noticed something disturbing—how brutally critical I am of me. This wasn’t a new insight, of course, but I began to see how awful it felt.

So, I made a conscious decision. Rather than pushing myself to improve, I decided to practice Radical Self-Acceptance, loving myself, warts and all…especially the warts.

Don’t get me wrong. I still aspire to be better. But I’m finding a remarkable sense of freedom and well-being as I learn to fully embrace my shortcomings and my strengths, my achievements and my failures, without fear or false humility, without shame or recrimination.

Overcoming Financial Paralysis

I was newly divorced, raising 3 daughters, when I got tax bills for over $1m. My ex was responsible, but he left the country…leaving me with very little in the bank. My father refused to lend me the money. I was angry and terrified. I had no choice. I had to get smart about money.

I tried going to classes, reading books, but nothing made sense. I felt immobilized. Nowhere in those books or classes could I find a solution for my paralysis. Until I took matters in my own hands.

I stopped focusing on the practical mechanics of money and started plumbing the deepest recesses of my psyche. Writing in my journal proved profoundly revealing.

I became aware of a familiar voice that kept telling me how stupid I was. Instead of ignoring it or letting it hold sway, as I always did, I began a dialogue with that voice, asking it where it came from and what it wanted.

I immediately heard my father telling me, often and in no uncertain terms, that managing money was a man’s job. As a woman, I did not have what it took to deal with finances.

So of course, I was terrified that if I tried to take charge, I’d botch things badly, blow it all.

What Will Your Legacy Be?

I once saw a poster that made a lasting impact. On it was written: Will it matter that I was?

I recognized, in that instant, that I was on earth for a reason. I hadn’t a clue what it was, but I was hell-bent on finding it.

Every one of us leaves a legacy, but in my experience, surprisingly few reflect on what they want theirs to be. Yet, it’s an important point for us all to ponder.

I remember reading an article by a hospice physician about how many of her patients were “deeply disturbed” because they hadn’t “contributed anything significant to life.”

She had a profound realization: “It is far better to contemplate the meaning of life when we actually have some time left to work on the question.”

If you haven’t already, now is the time to contemplate your legacy. How? Ask yourself ‘What do I want my obituary to say?’

Becoming a Woman of Influence

At last. We have cause to celebrate. A major shift has been occurring in women’s relationship with money since the 2008 financial crisis.

As a result of that crisis—according to an Allianz Study, Women, Wealth, and Power—a new demographic is emerging, Women of Influence. These women aren’t necessarily high earners, or even gainfully employed, though many are.

What sets them apart is that they’re financially knowledgeable, Allianz reports, “more confident in their ability to spend, save, invest wisely than the average woman,”

And these Women of Influence are becoming global change makers, claiming their power, owning their greatness.

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To Earn More, Learn to Toughen Up (Without Hardening Your Heart)

By nature, we women tend to be pleasers. We want everyone to like us.

High earners are no different. Almost every six-and seven-figure woman I’ve interviewed confessed to a “little girl inside me who wants to be liked.”

But financial success requires us to make difficult, even painful decisions that often have negative consequences for others—like firing folks you like, holding tight in tense negotiations, enforcing an unpopular policy, dismissing high paying but difficult clients, enduring multiple rejections and disappointments.

So many women I interviewed regretted not making those tough decisions sooner. As one told me: “I kept trying to be nice. Eventually I had to toughen up.”

Toughening up doesn’t mean you have to harden your heart, numb your senses, or act all macho.

Toughening up does require a dramatic shift in mindset, which sounds like this: I’d rather be respected than liked.

4 Foolproof Techniques for Calming Fear

I often ask under earners, “When’s the last time you did something you were scared to do?” They’d scratch their heads, seemingly stumped.

When I ask high earners, they laugh and say, “All the time. It’s a way of life.”

Ages ago, after one of those conversations, I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote, in red crayon: Do What You Fear. That’s How You SucceedIt still sits, framed, on my desk today.

Though Joseph Campbell put it far more eloquently: The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”

Admittedly, entering the Cave of Fear is…well…terrifying…for everyone. I have yet to meet a successful woman who hasn’t struggled with fear and self-doubt.

Observations From a Financial Therapist: Money Problems Are Never About Money

Let me give you my perspective on why you’re having money problems. This comes from 25 years working as a Financial Therapist.

You know that financial difficulty you’re facing—big or small? It’s about far more than money. It is, in truth, the call of your Soul trying to get your attention.

This problem actually provides you with a powerful opportunity for personal transformation. But what begins as a whisper will, if ignored, grow increasingly louder.

When you finally decide to face your difficulty, you begin the process of becoming all you’re meant to be.

Confronting and solving a Financial Challenge is what opens the door between the life you now live and the life you could be creating. On the other side of that door lies your power.

Wanna Write a Book? 7 Secrets for Aspiring Authors

I just finished my 7th book. Hard to believe after what I went through with my first one. As excited as I was to begin that first time, when I read the crap I wrote, I tore up the pages, feeling defeated.

My yearning to write kept me coming back, only to repeat the pattern yet again. This went on for months. I’d rip up pages in disgust and walk away in frustration.

Still the book kept calling. But clearly, I had neither skill nor talent to write it.

Then one day, while walking down a bustling San Francisco sidewalk during rush hour, I overheard two people chatting behind me.

He: I’m so frustrated trying to write this book. I just don’t have the time!

She: I know! Everyone wants to write a book. But no one’s got the time. And that’s really what it takes—putting your tush in the chair until you’re done.

Rewiring Your Brain for Higher Earnings

In my book, Overcoming Underearning, there’s a story about a snail climbing a cherry tree in the middle of winter. A beetle looks down, spies the snail slowly inching up the frozen bark, and cries out, “There ain’t no cherries up here.”

Unfazed, the snail replies, “There will be by the time I get there.”

That little snail offers us a potent formula for financial success. Think big. Act small. And, no matter what, never, ever stop until you attain your goal.

The idea is that if you do something everyday, no matter how small, no matter how brief, you will eventually arrive at your destination.

But it’s not just the practical, external steps that matter. The inner work is a critical factor.

How Do I Find My Purpose? (Part II)

Pinpointing your purpose is like finding your north star. No matter what’s going on in your life, your purpose will always point you toward your Soul’s desired direction.

I’ve known my purpose for years—to empower women financially. For those of you wishing to find—or redefine—yours, let me give you some ideas on where to look, based on my own experience.

1. In Past Pain

I had a line in my book, Prince Charming Isn’t Coming, that my editor cut because she considered it corny. “In our deepest pain, lies our highest purpose.” I’m not sure our life purpose has to come from pain, but it’s a good place to start looking. It’s where I found my direction. What’s been your most painful challenge in life?

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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