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Some Denial is Good For the Soul!

“Forgetting what you are not enables you to remember what you are”

-A Course in Miracle

I sometimes wonder if we’re hardwired to hate discipline. I think exercising discipline is to adults what eating veggies are to kids… we do it because it’s good for us. But that doesn’t mean we have to like it!! And we’ll try anything to get out of it!

It wasn’t until my interviews with women who make millions that I had a stunning realization. The key to disciplined action is disciplined thinking.

When I shifted my focus from making myself do something to monitoring my thoughts, my behavior changed (almost) automatically.

I started using a technique I call Constructive Denial. That meant I began consciously and deliberately denying any limiting beliefs, irrational fears or feelings of inferiority about how small, inadequate or inconsequential I was.  As a Course in Miracles explains: “Denial is as capable of being used positively as well as negatively.”

For instance, when that voice in my head says (as it often does) “you don’t have what it takes to do that!” instead of caving in, I come back with, “Thanks for sharing, but I absolutely DO have what it takes.” That one retort dramatically reduces my resistance to taking action.

That’s what these successful women told me they did. They carefully observed their conversations (internal and external), making sure they didn’t lapse into—or catching themselves when they did—automatic self depreciatory or negative patterns.

As a long time mega earner explained to me, “You have to remind yourself: I’m OK. I have strengths. It’s hard. But you have to!”

They made themselves focus on their strengths and successes, talk about their achievements, and reaffirm their value to themselves.  They were constantly giving themselves pep talks, and repeating positive affirmations.

I found a terrific affirmation in a fabulous book called The Master Key System by Charles F. Haanel: “I am that which I will to be.”  When I feel stuck, scared or small, I repeat that phrase, followed by “I have everything it takes to be a stellar success,” or “I am bursting with creative ideas for my next blog”.  Then I act as if it’s true.  It may seem contrived. But it actually works.

I suspect a lot of you do the same thing. Share your affirmations by adding a comment below.

Ouch! I fell off the Train.

Oh, the irony of it all.

I haven’t blogged in awhile.   And I’ve got a good reason—I’ve been really busy. I mean, I was preparing for my first Sacred Success Retreat.  I had house guests visiting. I flew to California for my grandson’s 6th birthday.  Yada, yada, yada…..

But you wanna know the real truth? I went oblivious to what I’d been blogging about—DISCIPLINE. I wasn’t making myself do what I needed to do, when I needed to do it….because I bought into my excuses. I actually believed them!!

Excuses are to discipline what cheating is to diets…a sure fire way to undermine your success by letting yourself off the hook.

And we all do it. We make a commitment. Stuff comes up. We get side tracked. It comes with the territory. Discipline isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being persistent.

As of today, I’m making it official. I’m getting back on the Discipline Train. And I’m inviting any of you who’ve fallen off (you know who you are!) to join me.

What that means to me is that I’m back to writing regular blogs. I’d love to hear what it means for you.

The “D” word

Finding your purpose is one thing. Pursuing it is another.  And that’s where the “D” word comes in. You know, Discipline.

Oy…I can almost feel you recoil at the very mention. “Not the ‘D’ word…anything but that!”

Hear me out.  Discipline has gotten a bum rap.  Discipline is not a means of punishment. It’s actually the source of pleasure, the essence of power and  the path to Greatness.

Think of it this way. Discipline comes from the latin word ‘disciple,’ and means ‘being a disciple unto oneself.’  Discipline asks you to become your own biggest fan, viewing yourself in the very best light, being kind to yourselves when things don’t go well, doing what needs to be done, as best as you can.

Discipline is Step #3 of Sacred Success™. And it’s especially important to women.

In  my interviews with high earners, I noticed that success tends to be a very emotional process.  Unlike men, we haven’t  been groomed for greatness.

Practically every woman I interviewed made the same observation. In the world of work,  men assume they’re competent,  feel entitled, and tend to risk big.   Women assume they’re inadequate, feel apprehensive and tend to hold back.

So many aspiring women, especially in the beginning, described  feeling:

  • guilt (Do I really have a right to this?)
  • doubt (Can I handle it? Am I on the right path?)
  • fear (Am I doing it right? Will I fail?)

For many, these questions are like quicksand, keeping us stuck, sucking  us under.

What I wanted to know was what enabled the most successful ones to keep going higher? The answer became obvious—the “D” word .

I’m going to talk more about discipline in blogs to come. I’ll tell you about 4 techniques that are anything but traditional. But now I’d love to hear from you. What’s your reaction to the “D” word?

How to Pinpoint Your Purpose

Whoa…I must have struck a chord.  Since I announced my Sacred Success™ retreat, I’ve been flooded with emails…most saying the same thing: “I wish I knew my purpose, but…..”I’ve found that, among those women not reaching the success they desire or the fulfillment they crave, most have only a vague idea of their purpose, if that.   A lack of purpose can be disheartening. Having one, however, is positively galvanizing. This is the work of Step #2.  This is the essence of Sacred Success™. As I learned from women  who make millions—a woman with a purpose is  a force to be reckoned with. I’ve been blessed. I’ve known my purpose for 30 years—to empower women. But for those of you wishing to find—or redefine—yours, let me give you some ideas on where to look, based on my own experience.

1.  In Past Pain

I had a line in my book, Prince Charming Isn’t Coming, that my editor cut because she considered it corny. “In our deepest pain, lies our highest purpose.” I’m not sure our life purpose has to come from pain, but it’s a good place to start looking. What’s been your most painful challenge in life?

 

2.  In World Problems

Someone once asked me, way back in graduate school: “If you had a magic wand, what one thing would you change on this planet?” I knew immediately: liberate women to work as equals among men (mind you, it was the 70s!). Right after that, I got a job at the Women’s Center on campus, helping women re-entering the workforce. That started the trajectory that’s led me to where I am today.  Look around…what  global problem do you feel super-strongly about? How could you contribute to the solution?

3.  In Childhood Play

When I was little, I always played school with my sisters. Of course, I was the teacher. Later, I organized a neighborhood camp, me being the sole counselor. As I grew older, I dreamt of becoming a college professor. I had babies instead. As we look back at the tapestry of our lives, it’s easy to spot certain threads that continually repeat, displaying an unwavering pattern holding clues to our purpose.  What did you love to play as a kid?

4.  In Secret fantasies

You know, those pipe-dreams you’ve never told anyone about…because they’re so absurd, it’s embarrassing. Mine was to be a rock star (oh god, it’s true).  Once, someone asked me: “If you could have anyone’s job, who would you be?”  That was easy.  Neil Diamond.  When he asked me why, the words just slipped out: “I want to write my songs and sing them.” This phrase so resonated, I’ve let it guide me through a myriad of careers. OK, so I can’t carry a tune.  But I’ve managed to write my songs (books) and sing (teach) them.  If you could have anyone’s job, who would YOU be?

5.  In this video blog

This just came to me while writing this blog, so naturally I had to include it. My good friend and wise minister, Richard Rogers, offers a foolproof suggestion for finding your purpose. Watch his video – “What’s Your Purpose?”

 

There’s other ways to figure out your purpose. I’d love to hear how you’ve pinpointed yours.

The Power of Purpose

“I am not afraid. I was born to do this.”

–Joan of Arc

I wonder… had  Joan of Arc lived today, would she be raking in millions, rather than racing into battles?  She sounds like every mega-high-earner I interviewed (albeit more pithy and eloquent).

They all  possessed an almost divine sense of mission, a fire in their belly, a transpersonal commitment to something larger than themselves.

A powerful purpose seemed to be the prelude to making millions…and the basis for Step #2 of Sacred Success™: Pursue Your Highest Purpose based on Your Deepest Truths.

Much as Joan of Arc discovered centuries ago, a strong sense of purpose creates an almost unwavering perseverance, in a way that money alone never would.

Whenever these high earners were scared, stymied, or faced seemingly insurmountable obstacles, they immediately went back to their higher purpose.

As a multi-million dollar earner said to me, “When in doubt, I revisit my mission. Why am I here?”

But there’s also another reason why step 2 is so important. Having a higher purpose fosters a life of balance.  There’s a significant difference between drive and addiction. Drive comes from a vision that nourishes one’s soul and enriches one’s life. Addiction arises from fear-based beliefs such as scarcity, inadequacy, and shame, and it inevitably leads to burn out .

Most high earners eventually figured this out. As one young woman told me, “I had a massive inner critic and I pushed myself until I broke down.” Then she said, “I did lots of self improvement work and figured out how to achieve my dream without killing myself.”

In those words, she gives us the key to finding your highest purpose. It takes personal work, a great deal of self reflection.  I’ll talk more about this in my next blog.

A New(born) Lesson in Surrender

I’ve talked a lot about surrender in this blog.  I actually thought I was done with this first step of Sacred Success™ last April. But surrender unfolds at it’s own pace. It can’t be rushed. Though, Lord knows, I’ve tried.

Just this past week, waiting for my daughter to give birth, I’ve experienced a whole new level of–and whole new lesson in–surrender.

I flew to California just before her due date, July 8th, putting my life on hold to be present for the delivery.  She’d be having her baby at home and I wasn’t about to miss it. Nor were her sisters who came from their respective towns, or her father who traveled from a foreign country.

The first few days were exciting…a family splintered by geography gathered to welcome a new member to the tribe.  But after a week, the waiting began to wear thin as we dangled in a limbo of uncertainty. No one felt it more than the mother-to-be. She became  a bundle  of  frayed nerves,  seriously doubting if  there’d ever really be a baby,  sure she’d let everyone down by being late, feeling helpless and out of control.

The metaphor was inescapable. This is what I’d been feeling this past year.  Which is precisely what the first step to Sacred Success™ is all about: waiting to give birth. Since last December, when I started my sabbatical,  I’ve been dangling in a limbo of uncertainty,  consciously relinquishing control, impatiently questioning if  I’d ever be productive again, wondering what other people were thinking of me.

Fast forward to this July. At the very moment the uncertainty became almost unbearable, (as it always will)  I got a message from the Universe…literally. I subscribe to a daily email called TUT… A Note from the Universe tut.com. Out of the blue, came these cosmic instructions for surviving and thriving during a period of surrender:

“So what if you don’t have it yet, barbara?

It’s coming. You’re gonna get it. You’re gonna love it. And then you’re gonna forget there was ever a time when you didn’t have it.

Learning to be happy while you wait, barbara, is worth learning. And to help learn this, just keep yourself busy.”

And now, days after the birth of my granddaughter, it’s hard to believe there was ever a time we didn’t have her. I wonder if I’ll feel the same about the next phase of my career, whatever it may be?? I’ll tell you one thing, I’m determined to enjoy the wait, keeping myself busy changing diapers!!!

Adios Busyness—It’s Detox Time!!!!

Recently I wrote a blog about ATBSAddicted to Busyness Syndrome.  (What’s Keeping You From Greatness?)

If you’re a woman, you likely suffer from this syndrome.   But the prognosis is hopeful!

And here’s proof…from a successful, but harried real estate agent. She finally decided enough is enough and put herself through an ATBS Detox.

Admittedly, she says, “It’s been a hard habit to break.”  Yet look what’s happened in just a few weeks.

Her Detox was fairly simple…

  • “Instead of watching TV AND working at the same time, I am now (mostly) putting my laptop down.
  • “When I finish my work, instead of saying ‘What’s next?’ like I used to, I now just leave my desk.”
  • “I have managed to get in meditation time and more strategic thinking time, and some inspiration time.”

Her results were stunning….

  • “My desk is clear…”
  • “I feel like I am on top of everything…”
  • “Opportunities are popping up all over the place.”

For example….

  • “Someone asked me to help them renovate a property (the thing I really love)and get paid for it…”
  • “ I have been asked to contribute to a weekly magazine advice column.”
  • “ Opportunities to sell, buy, connect buyers and sellers are starting to pop up.”
  • “A really great side effect is that I am waking up each day having insights about my life. Now that I’m not so busy, my sleep/dreamspace is not so full and can be used for something else other than just processing my day to day stuff.”

I urge each of you to create your own Detox from Busyness.  I think you’ll find what this woman  did… hiding behind  all that frenetic activity are unseen opportunities, unlimited creativity,  untold peace,  and unbelievable freedom.

Coming up in my June newsletter (sign up here)– designing a successful ATBS Detox program.

What’s keeping you from Greatness?

“The only thing standing between Greatness and me is me.”

–Woody Allen

Leave it to Woody to state the obvious. But I bet you don’t realize the insidious way countless women (me included) have been keeping ourselves from Achieving Greatness? I call it ATBS–Addicted to Busyness Syndrome.

We women stuff every cranny of our lives with so much activity that we’ve lost touch with what’s really essential and what’s truly irrelevant.

But ask us to lighten our load, actually say no to a task, and we start to panic. As if our world would shatter if we slowed down.  The truth is, we’ve become so controlled by shoulds, oughts, musts, have-tos that we’ve lost sight of what’s honestly important.

As you may know, I’ve spent the last 6 month clearing the clutter from my life. And I’m the first to admit—busyness is a bitch to give up!  Do you know why?  Busyness is the drug of choice for most women.

Without endless activity, we’re left with empty space. And empty space gives rise to painful feelings.  (For me, I felt unproductive, like a failure and a fraud)  Rather than experience the pain, we fill up the spaces. But, as I’ve learned from the last few months, when you stop running from the truth, you start recognizing your power. When you face what you fear, you realize it no longer controls you. When you eliminate the unnecessary, you begin to notice what really matters.

So I ask you….What could you slowly start cutting out of your day?  I’m not telling you to go cold turkey. But I invite you to observe all the needless activities you cram into your life– from constant emailing to extraneous chores.

What if you didn’t load the wash until later in the afternoon? What if you responded to emails only once a day? What if you didn’t answer the phone and instead stared out the window.

Maybe you’ll find what I did. It’s only in stillness that you’ll begin to hear the secrets your soul yearns to share. It’s only in the quiet that you’ll discover the path to Sacred Success™.

Let me introduce you to Sacred Success

I spent much of last year pondering this question: Why was I—along with scores of other women who’ve overcome underearning—still having difficulty cracking the code to even higher earnings?

Then, one day, it hit me.

Basically, there are three levels of financial development:

  1. Survival—doing whatever it takes to stay afloat
  2. Stability—generating enough cash flow to meet one’s needs, eliminate debt, and establish future security.
  3. Affluence—accumulating ample disposable income to live the life of one’s dreams.

The women I’d interviewed, who made millions,  were playing a very different game than what I had expected.  That’s because men tend to be highly motivated by profit, perks, and prestige. In the male world, the promise of affluence is a powerful incentive.

But not for women.  Once a woman becomes financially stable, she is no longer motivated by money.   What motivates her is helping others…or as numerous women described it, “ a search for significance.”

These are two very different paths to affluence. “Show me the money” versus “Show me how to help.” Too many women—like me—futilely struggle to navigate the first path, without realizing they have another option.

The latter is what I’ve come to call Scared Success™. It is the journey from stability to affluence…the game that is quietly being played by countless women (and, I might add, quite a few enlightened men!).

Stick around, and I’ll tell you exactly how to play!

Bye, Bye Surrender; Hello, Sacred Success™

I suspect my time spent in Surrender is drawing to a close.  I’m walking away with a whole new appreciation for down time and empty space.

But just recently, I’ve been sensing a shift.  My energy seems to be changing.

You know that light at the end of the tunnel I spoke about in Step # 6?  I think I’m there…standing in the light, not looking at it from afar.  The future is finally coming into focus.

I realize now, what I called Surrender was really Gestation. Despite feeling like  ‘nothing’ was happening,  I’ve actually been  quite ‘busy’ birthing a new body of work…which eventually will grow into my next book.

I call this new work Sacred Successthe next step after overcoming underearning. I stumbled upon Sacred Success while interviewing women who made millions.  But I really didn’t put all the pieces together until I surrendered.  Then, it was as if the pieces arranged themselves.

Just last week, like a proud mama, I took my new ‘baby’ out into the world.

I spoke at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts (www.mamagenas.com)… my first speech in ages.  I told them all about Sacred Success.  The 200 women in the audience were transfixed.  It was like my soul was speaking directly to theirs.  And they were hungry for what I was saying.  Afterwards, I was deluged by those clamoring to hear more.

Now I’m chomping at the bit to share Sacred Success with even more women.  I desire to do it right here on this blog.  So invite your friends.

Discovering Sacred Success has changed my life.  It really has.  I believe it can change yours too.  I’d love you to read my upcoming blogs and let me know what you think.  I genuinely want your feedback.

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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