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It’s Never Success That Scares You!! Never!

She sat across the table, looking every bit the savvy businesswoman that she was.

As we chatted over kale salads, she told me how her company, not yet two years old, was growing exponentially.

Then she lowered her voice and leaned in close. “There’s something I need to talk about. I’ve never shared this with anyone.”

“What is it?” I asked, also leaning forward, our foreheads almost touching. I could tell this was difficult for her.

“I’m afraid of success. I can already see little ways I’m holding myself back.”

“Tell me what you’re scared of.”

“I’m afraid people won’t like me,” she began slowly, then quickly added, “I’m afraid people will want more of me than I can give them. I’m so busy now, I’m afraid I’ll have no time for myself. I’m scared it will all be too much.”

“You’re not afraid of success,” I responded. “You’re afraid of power. There’s a definite difference.”

I share this conversation with you because I believe it reveals a critical distinction that we women need to understand. Let me explain.

What’s Really at the Root of the Financial Crisis?

In the 21st century, women will change the nature of power rather than power changing the nature of women.”

—Bell Abzug

 

The headline of a recent article in Bloomberg Business Week caught my eye: “ Is the Financial Crisis a Male Syndrome?”

Could it be,“ the authors ask, “ that male domination of market finance results in excessive speculation and risk-taking at the expense of global stability?”

Ya think?? Clearly, the guys have been calling the shots.  No surprise there.

What surprised me most—the co-authors were both men!

I was heartened to know there are a few enlightened men (including the Dali Lama)  who are waking up to an obvious truth.

Excessive testosterone is running the world, which as these authors admit, leads to greater aggression and risk taking (ie. Global  wars and financial crisis)

The solution?   “Gender rebalancing.” With more women in power, the authors insist, we’d see  enhanced risk management , less volatility,  improved financial markets  and better ambiance in the office.

No argument from me! But here’s what I want to know.

Who’s going to do the rebalancing? What’s it going to take to get more women in power?

I ask this question with a sense of urgency…but without a clear answer.

Face it, no one is going to do it for us.  If we want a seat at the table, it’s our job to take it.

How? We can begin by having the conversation among ourselves.  We can begin by becoming the change we want to see in the world. Call it a grassroots effort…a personal challenge.

What if each one of us starts by noticing where, in our own life,  we are giving our power away and consciously strive  to take it back?  What if each one of us starts speaking up, making sure our voice is heard…and respected?  What if every one of us asks for and offers to help each other in this endeavor?

I truly believe, if enough women step fully into their own power, we’d see a giant ripple effect  on the global landscape.

What do you think?

Stanny’s Law of a Lousy Economy

Have the headlines got you spooked?

Let me introduce you to Stanny’s Law of a Lousy Economy. It goes like this: no matter how tough times are, there’ll always be people who are prospering. Why not you?

I discovered this law after I wrote Secrets of Six-Figure Women...at  the height of the dot com boom.  But when the bubble finally burst, I called each woman back to see how they were faring.

Even as the economy was tanking, many of their careers were thriving. They were finding new jobs, negotiating raises, winning promotions, doubling (even tripling) their client base, making more money than ever before.

“Just because it’s a down time,” said a woman whose coaching business was up 40 percent, “You don’t have to go down with it. There’s lots of opportunity. You’ve just got to find it.”

That’s not to say there weren’t those who suffered a job loss or saw lower profits. Yet even they were amazingly upbeat about their future.

I asked one woman how she felt when the hedge fund she managed collapsed. Her reply: “I regard it as a godsend. As long as the money was so good, it was tough to leave and look for something more challenging.”

These women viewed the slumping economy as the perfect chance to pin down new strategies, explore something different or position themselves for the inevitable recovery.

They  never used bad times as an excuse not to stretch. Rather than buying into bad news, they concentrated on their value.

One high earner had just negotiated a very lucrative compensation package for a new job. When her boss balked at her terms, she refused to budge.

“I have a lot to contribute and the company needs to compensate me appropriately or I’ll go elsewhere,” she told him.

I see exactly the same thing happening today. While many (read: underearners) are focused on doors closing, high earners are finding windows of opportunity.

Here’s just one example. A woman who came to my Sacred Success® Retreat last May just sent me this email:

“I’ve increased my business income 3 ½ times since the retreat,  compared to all of 2010. Most importantly, I am happy, peaceful and content.  I feel calm, more comfortable in my own skin.”

Why not you too? While most of the world is focused on hard times, I invite all of you reading this blog to look for potential opportunities. They’re there. I promise!

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Metafiscal Goes Mainstream (OMG!)

Well, I’ll be darn. Is the Wall Street Journal turning Metafiscal?

I open last Saturday’s Journal and there it was… a half page article waxing Metafiscal.  Of course, it didn’t use that term.  But it certainly preached a major principle. (Read the WSJ article)

According to the article, the biggest super stars swore their stellar success was literally sanctioned by God.

The reporter was focusing on pop singers, pro athletes, and movie stars (who, admittedly, could also be accused of narcissism). Nevertheless, the mega earners I interviewed–who were very successful,  just not in the spotlight–told me the very same thing…

…in almost identical words.  Talent is important but never underestimate the “motivating power of divine conviction” to stack the odds in your favor.

“Believing that God wants you to be famous,” says the reporter Neil Strauss, “actually improves your chance of being famous.”

On the flip side Strauss discovered,  “many equally talented but slightly less famous musicians I  interviewed felt their success was accidental or undeserved—and soon after fell out of the limelight.”

This  “faith gap,” he says,  “is often what sets the merely famous apart from the ridiculously famous. It can make the difference between achieving what’s possible and accomplishing what seems impossible.”

This is precisely how Sacred Success works.  And it makes perfect sense.  Those with a Divine sense of mission–who believe their marching orders come from a Higher Authority–possess a fire in their belly that makes them unstoppable.

Makes you think, doesn’t it?  What is your Divine  Purpose?  Do you believe you even have one?  I’d love you to share  your thoughts in the comments below.

If you want to learn more about Sacred Success click here.

STOPPING The Oh-So-Subtle Self–Sabotage

In my previous post, I played true confessions.  I fessed up that, years ago, I constantly put myself down…without really knowing it!

I have a hunch many of you do the same.  And believe me, self depreciation is a subtle but serious form of self sabotage.

I’d like to share what I did to stop. It wasn’t easy. I’m far from perfect. But success is so much easier since I curtailed my self-criticism and began acknowledging my value.

Here’s my 3-point plan to Stop Self Criticism—Observe; Brag; Find Spotters.

  1. I started by observing my conversations. Every time I heard me belittling myself, I stopped. Literally stopped, mid-sentence, and force myself to say something positive…even if it was just ‘thank you.’
  2. I started bragging (thanks to Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts). I mean, I actually prefaced sentences with “I brag…” and then tooted my own horn.
  3. I shared my goal with a few close friends, asking  them to spot me by pointing out my more subtle put-downs. They had no trouble catching me in the act.  Their feedback was quite effective.

Admittedly, these steps, at first, felt ridiculously uncomfortable, completely awkward. But gradually, I began to notice something.  My self-derision all but disappeared. And I felt much better about myself.

I’m here to say, I swear it’s true–what you share, you definitely strengthen. Please leave a comment below on how these steps support you in achieving greatness.

5 Tips For Earning What You Really Deserve

Want to make more money?  Well, I’ve got the secret.  And I’ll bet it’s not what you think.

It sure wasn’t what I expected when I interviewed hundreds of high earners for my books; Secrets of Six-Figure Women and Overcoming Underearning®. Very few of these highly successful women were driven by money, yet they still demanded to be well compensated because – and here’s the Big Secret – they felt they were worth it.

The good news is that it’s possible for all of us to build up our self worth. Here are some tips for pumping up your self-esteem along with your net worth:

1. Think Big, Then Think Even Bigger

What most of us do is unwittingly limit our earnings by lowering our expectations.  Especially women.  The idea is to think in terms of what you are worth, not just what you assume the market will bear.

2. Do Your Homework

One of the worst negotiating mistakes women make is picking a number out of the air that’s way too low.  The smarter ones find out their market value by researching the going rates, then ask for more than is offered so they’ll have room to maneuver and negotiate.

3.  Take the Initiative

Have tangible evidence of what you bring to the table.  Maybe you saved your company x-amount of dollars or had an idea that generated so many sales. Every time you accept more responsibility, successfully complete a challenge or create positive changes, document it.  Keeping records is an effective means of demonstrating your value to an organization.

4.  Daily Affirmations – Act As If

Affirmations are positive statements expressed as if they’ve already happened.  For example: “I have the confidence to ask for what I want” or
I deserve more money in my life“.   Write them down.  Post them in full view. Say them out loud as often as possible.  When you act as if you’re worth a lot, you’ll eventually convince yourself as well as others.

5.  Challenge yourself in other areas

A stretch in any area of life has a ripple effect in other areas as well.  If you can’t quite get yourself to volunteer for that tough assignment or ask for a raise, try signing up for an art class or running a marathon.  Anything that puts you out of your comfort zone builds confidence and self-worth.

By practicing these tips, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself.  Making more money becomes not something you should do, but something you have to do – because you know in your heart you’re worth it.

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

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Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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