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Time to Have a Love Affair with Your Money

“It’s amazing what you can do with money!” my daughter said to me the other day.

Her husband, a film maker, is directing a documentary funded by a generous sponsor with very deep pockets. Normally, he’s working on a shoestring. This time, he gets pretty much free rein to do fun things, like travel to far-off places and hire helicopters for various shots.

Yes, it is amazing what you can do with money.  What’s puzzling is why are countless women ignoring their finances?

I’m beginning to think its fear of relationship.

In my mind, money is like a Perfect Lover. All it wants to do is serve you and support you. All it requires, in return, is to be respected and appreciated.

In other words, just like a man, money needs your attention; it needs to feel understood, cared about, and valued. Otherwise, it’s not likely to stick around for the long haul.

As in all relationships, there are good times and bad times.  Right now, it’s one of those bad times for many.  If you’re in that spot, this is not the time to turn your back, throw in the towel or ignore your money. At least not if you want money to be there for your old age.

Now is the time to work on creating more intimacy with your money. Get to know it better. Learn what it needs and how to best care for it. Make sure it feels the love. (The “love of money” is NOT the root of all evil! Deprivation and destitution is.)

Some suggestions for improving your relation$hip:

1.       Talk to a professional. Make an appointment with a financial advisor.  (Try my book Finding a Financial Advisor You Can Trust)

2.       Give it attention. Read something every day about money, even if it’s just a paragraph. (Try the Wall Street Journal)

3.       Talk to others. Ask friends and colleagues who are smart with money for advice

4.       Be wary of hype, rumors and scare tactics. Bad news can be seductive, but it’s usuallyskewed.

I honestly think it’s time we all start having a love affair with our money.  You’ll be amazed at what you’ll be able to do together as a result .

My Anger at Men

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“Insecure people can be vicious.”—A Course in Miracles

What began as an angry outburst ended with a stunning revelation.

My Man and I were watching Law & Order on TV. There was one scene where 4 female detectives were chasing down the bad guys, about to solve the case.

And My Man, who is utterly supportive of me, says: “Hey, how come it’s all women on screen? Are there any men in this show?”

I was aghast. “I don’t believe you just said that,” I exclaimed, smoke coming out my nostrils.

Was My Man a closet chauvinist? He clearly didn’t like watching all these women in power. I had never seen this side of him before.

I was pissed. He had no idea why.

I tried to explain his comment was yet another example of women being marginalized, minimized by men.   Something I’ve lived with my whole life. Something I’ve been working so hard to change. Something that’s caused me a lot of pain.

He fell silent for a few minutes, quietly pondering his reaction. I never expected what he said next. I know, for a fact, he didn’t either.

“I don’t have a problem with powerful women,” he explained softly. “The problem is that if women get too much power, men will have too little.  Then there’s no place left for a man to be a man.”

We were both quiet for a bit (stunned may be the better word), then he continued. “I’m afraid if it’s not a man’s world, I’ll be playing the previous role women had, a  diminished role.   I don’t want to be in a diminished role.”

At that moment, I felt My Man could be speaking for millions of others.  Behind his dismissive remark was a deep insecurity, albeit unconscious.

Suddenly my anger at chauvinism morphed into compassion for males.  How many other men are threatened  by powerful women, as if there’s only so much power to go around?

Believe me, I’m not making excuses for misogyny or gender discrimination.  But this little tiff got me thinking.

I’ve been so focused on empowering women. Perhaps it’s time to educate our men. Clearly, they’re as afraid of our power as we are.

Men need to know we’re not seeking domination. That’s not how we work. We genuinely want partnership. We want to share power, not usurp it.

I’ll tell you one thing…my little outburst has led to some fascinating discussions.  I’d love  your comments. Have you ever had a similar experience with men in your life?

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Somebody’s Got To Say No!!!

Put me on record for saying NO!

NO to the way the “Old Boys” are playing!   No to the mess they got us in (and not just in the financial sector).

But I’m also saying “YES!” (No point dwelling on the downside.)

YES to the other game I learned from interviewing women making millions. These women achieved mega success playing a very different game from what the world (read: men) models.

It’s the game I’ve come to call Scared Success™.  It’s the game we women (and many enlightened men) were born to play!

What breaks my heart, however, is that too many of us futilely struggle to follow the old rules, without realizing we have another option.

Briefly, here’s 6 differences between the Male Model and the Feminine Formula (which is the basis for Scared Success™ ).

Male Model                                                                           Feminine Formula

1.  Pursue Profit for Profit’s sake 1. Pursue Profit for a Higher Purpose
2.  Push Yourself (and Everyone Else) 2.  Respect Yourself (and Everyone Else)
3.  Plan and Control 3.  Surrender, Allow Uncertainty
4.  Display Entitlement 4.  Exercise Mental Discipline
5.  Create Teams, Control Them 5.  Create Teams, Inspire Them
6.  Leave a Personal Monument to Your Name 6.  Leave a Legacy for the World

 

In my next blog, I’ll give you the specific ground rules for applying the Feminine Formula to the new game Scared Success™ . Meanwhile, I’m really curious what you think about these differences. Please comment below.

 

Women, Money, Power…Oh My!!!

“We are still trying to overcome the fear that power and womanliness

are mutually exclusive.” Arianna Huffington

Q. Why do so many women have trouble with money?  (Hint: it has nothing to do with money.)

A. It’s about power…or rather, our fear of power.

Here’s the problem. Most of us have never been taught the secret wisdom of achieving wealth and wielding power, as a woman.  In fact, historically, women have been carefully conditioned to avoid power as a survival mechanism.  As a psychologist once told me: “Powerful women have been burned at the stake.”

Admittedly, many women have attained economic success in the male system, but it usually came at an appalling price. In 2003, New York Times reporter Lisa Belkin sparked a media frenzy when she coined the phrase “the opt-out revolution” to describe the flood of women exiting the workforce.  They were no longer willing to stay in a system that rewarded the sacrifice of self for the sake of success.

But what the media defined as women opting out, I believe was, in large part, women waking up. They were beginning to question the status quo, realizing there must be a way to stay true to themselves and still be well compensated, without selling their souls or sacrificing their values.

For centuries women have come together to trade recipes and remedies, share tips on catching   a man or raising a child—but there is little, if any, collective wisdom for wealth and power.

4 years ago, I began interviewing Mega Earners, women worth millions.    What I learned changed my life.  These women were playing a very different game than the one society models, with very different rules.  I call this game Sacred Success™. And I’m determined to teach this game to as many women as I can.

Consider this blog my personal invitation to join me for one of my  Sacred Success Retreats. The Retreats are meant to be part of an ongoing tradition of women sharing their wisdom, with a new breed of role models who’ve achieved unprecedented success on their own terms, in a very different way than men have been doing it for centuries.

Won’t you join me? Click here for more information or to register.

 

 

Greatness or Mediocrity? A Matter of Mindset.

Mediocrity sees difficulty in every opportunity. Greatness sees opportunity in every difficulty. (paraphrasing Winston Churchill)

Since September, I’ve kept in touch with the graduates of my last Sacred Success® Retreat.  Part of the curriculum is a year-long follow up.

You know what their primary challenge has been? (Mine too.) Not getting sucked into the Mainstream Mentality,   the way “Everybody” thinks, responds, and sees the world.

Sacred Success requires a radically different mindset…because it has a radically different goal.  Mainstream is heading for Mediocrity. Sacred Success is going for Greatness.

One of the biggest differences is how each camp views difficulties.

To the masses, problems are at best annoying distractions, if not dreadful disasters, setbacks to surmount as quickly as possible.

In Sacred Success, however, all problems are considered pathways to Greatness, pointing the way to pursuing your purpose.

Instead of struggling to overcome the obstacles, Sacred Success surrenders to every situation, looking for the lessons embedded in the circumstances.

Maintaining that perspective, however, isn’t easy. The mass mentality has an insidiously intense pull that’s always at play. You need a lot of support not to succumb.

If you’re ready to play bigger than ever before… If you’re ready to be supported by a community of like-minded women…If you’re ready to experience what Maria DeCarvalho did

I left the retreat with a much clearer vision of what is possible for me.  My time with Barbara has helped me recognize doors where I thought there were only walls.”

then, my friend, you are ready for Sacred Success.

If you’re ready to find doors where there now seem only walls, join me for one of my Sacred Success Retreats. I hold one on the east coast and one on the west coast every year.   Learn more here!

The Flu, the Farm, and a Metafiscal Lesson

“Wanna make God laugh? Tell Her your plans”–anonymous

 

I haven’t blogged for 2 weeks. Hell, I haven’t done anything for 2 weeks. Except see the doctor. Who told me I had the flu…and to stay in bed.

What?? Stay in bed???  I had important things to do!!!  I had a teleclass coming up. A retreat to market.  A speech to write. An interview scheduled. Clients to coach.  I had no time for the damn flu!!!

Yet here I am, still in bed, bemoaning my fate, but too weak to do anything.

Then my mind traveled back to my last visit with my daughter, the farmer, just last month.

The week I was there, the seedlings that Anna and others had started were sprouting. It was time to plant them in the fields.  The baby chicks were now mature hens. It was time to move them to bigger quarters.

But nature had other plans. It poured. And rain was forecast for the next few days.

You can’t plant when it rains, Anna explained, because the wet fields are too fragile.  And the ground was too wet to drive the truck to the other henhouse.

Here they were, all geared up to do both. I watched in awe at what happened next. No one got uptight. No one cursed nature.  No teeth were mashing or hands wringing.

Instead, the farm owner shrugged his shoulders, and said: “Enjoy the down time.”  (What a concept!)

We found other things to do. (I say ‘we’ because, by then, I’d been recruited into the workforce.) We cleaned the eggs. We did outreach.  One woman made a delicious apple crisp. Another couple worked on a brochure. We had a scrumptious stir-fry, loaded with freshly picked veggies.

What really struck me: everyone seemed grounded in a deep sense of faith–a  respect for nature’s  timing,  a deference to forces out of their control, a trust in a higher order–that  was so strong, they were able to dispense with their plans, embrace the delays, go with the flow and enjoy the whole process….with nary a complaint.

As I remembered this scene, I immediately saw the lesson.

Instead of fighting the current, why don’t I just kick back and relish the ride…even if it feels like I’m going nowhere?

I’ve written so much about surrender in this blog (Sweet Surrender) I guess I thought it was a onetime event. But I’m beginning to see…. the Universe has its own sense of timing. Instead of trying to out-control the cosmos, I’m going to lie back, let life unfold, delight in the downtime and do what comes next. In this case, I think I’ll write a blog!

Confessions from a Metafiscal Teacher

I have a confession to make. Do you know why I teach Sacred Success®? Because that’s what I need to learn. And no one learns more than the teacher. Consider this recent experience.

I had taken on a lot of projects the last few weeks.  I was bursting with new ideas, excited to bring each one to fruition.

Yet, I began to feel myself slowly, subtly, almost imperceptibly slipping into…I couldn’t even say. My enthusiasm waned. I wasn’t as happy. I felt mildly overwhelmed, slightly off kilter. But it made no sense.  I loved everything I was doing!

Then I went to visit my daughter, the farmer.  There, down on the farm, Mother Nature taught me a mighty lesson: The Power of Pruning.

One of my daughter’s chores was pruning the fruit trees. Last year, the farm had a disappointing crop. The problem was they weren’t pruned enough.

“If you don’t prune back most of the new buds,” Anna explained, “too much of the tree’s energy goes into producing foliage instead of growing fruit.”

Without sufficient pruning, she continued, trees spread themselves too thin, reducing the amount of fruit they bear.

In my world, everything’s a metaphor.

Was I, like a fruit tree, spreading myself too thin? Was I letting too many budding projects sap my creativity, my energy, my focus?

I started wondering: if I cut back my output, would I, in the long term, bear more fruit?

Now we get to my confession. This is exactly what I’ve been teaching in Sacred Success™. Yet (gulp) part of me is scared to cut back.  The other part knows I need to.

What do you think? I welcome your advice.

Women are Not Men! (Part I)

Excuse me while I climb up on my favorite soapbox.

I can’t help myself. Dailyworth posed a question that got me all worked up.

What would you tell the financial industry about how, specifically, they can better serve women?

Oh boy. So much to tell. So little space.

But I’d start with this: Women are not men!

Obvious, right? But clearly, the financial industry hasn’t gotten that memo.

I’m a big fan of financial professionals. I’ve had the same advisor for 11 years (after going through nine others that didn’t get the memo either). I even wrote a booklet, “Finding a Financial Advisor You Can Trust.

Sadly, the bulk of advisors (I’m including both sexes here) still live in the dark ages when it comes to female clients.

So, inspired by DailyWorth, here are my suggestion for how the financial industry can shape up and better serve women. I call it:

What Women Wish You Knew Before They Walk into Your Office, Part I

1. Women are all about relationships. Men are transaction oriented. Men communicate to obtain info, establish status, and show independence. Women are ‘other’ oriented. Women communicate to create relationships and make connections. So when dealing with women, think in terms of ‘connecting with’ rather than ‘selling to.’

2. Inspire rather than frighten. The industry seems to think the best way to motivate women is with scary statistics and worst case scenarios. But fear produces paralysis in most women. If you want to motivate a woman, speak to what inspires her, NOT what scares her. While men define success as being in control, women define success is how well they can help others (it’s that relationship thing!). So, instead of filling her with fear, show her how informed investing allows her to help people she loves and causes she’s passionate about.

More pointers coming in Part II. Meanwhile, feel free to send this list to any advisor you know. You’ll be doing them a big favor.

A “Metafiscal” Moment!

So, I’m on a walk with my good friend, Suzy.  We’re talking about metaphysical stuff. Only she mispronounces the word. She calls it: Metafiscal.

Suzy laughs. I shriek! It was a pure light bulb moment.

“Ohmygawd,” I exclaim. “That’s my word. Metafiscal!”

To me,  financial success, especially for women, is both a practical process AND  a spiritual journey.

Now I have a word to describe it. Metafiscal

Metafiscal (adj)—that which blends financial know-how with metaphysical principles; a melding of the sacred and the mundane in regards to money.

The word perfectly captures the essence of all my teachings, but especially my most recent, Sacred Success™, which I’ve often described as the Wall Street Journal meets A Course in Miracles. Now I’ll just simply say it’s my latest Metafiscal work.

Guess what folks. I am a Metafiscal teacher!  Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

5 Words Say it All…

I’m flipping through the Wall Street Journal, when 5 words practically slap me in the face. I’ve no idea what the article was about. But the phrase super-glued itself to my brain.

“The Survival of the Focused…”

Those 5 words sum up the Big Secret to mega financial success.

Those 5 words mark the major distinction between an Underearner and a High Earner.

Those 5 words capture the very essence of what it takes to achieve Greatness.

And for anyone who’s struggling to make ends meet, or live their dream, I say heed those 5 words.

I’m convinced these 5 words offer the key to not just surviving, but thriving, in this new economic paradigm.

This may sound weird, but I’ve always considered myself blessed with an unfair advantage. I’m only good at and enjoy doing 2 things: writing and teaching. Period! I understand why so many with far more skills than I often feel stymied.

Focusing can be very frustrating for the multi-faceted or multi-gifted. But if you want my advice–prioritize your passions. No matter how many interests, talents, opportunities, or possibilities are available to you, financial success will go to the focused.

Do you agree? I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave me a comment below!

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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